I think it looks fine for something you are shooting yourself. Where you would need to change it for others is minor, mostly involving spelling and small points. For your own reference and that of the actors and crew, I think it's fine.
My only difficulty is that as a viewer, I don't really feel like I have a clue who or what these characters are. I felt dropped into the middle of a story without a "lifesaver" to cling to. Perhaps on p.3 in the "Spirit World" you can give a small background as to who they are. You can go more into detail in later episodes. It would help to have some sense of the backstory for those of us clueless to this anime world. And later in the "Box Room" another breadcrumb is dropped by Straine. The idea of breadcrumbs in scripts, especially episodic series, is key to getting followers. If you're too cryptic, you lose viewers. Some writer/directors think it's clever. From the reviews I've seen and heard, I'd say it's just bad business to leave your audience confused.
The first episode MUST introduce the characters and make them interesting. What I "see" are four individuals that interact in interesting ways that I don't understand. I'd like to know more. I'm not 100% sure I'd come back to see episode 2. If episode 2 just continues with action and no further introduction to the characters' backstories, I would probably stop watching. Most audiences don't have a high tolerance for ambiguity. Why should I care about Eden? What is his 'girl ghost'? Does Eden have a teacher as Furah is Straine's?
For example, in the Spirit World, the girl might say, "What would your master say?" Eden might respond, "He's dead! (beat) To stay true to the teaching. I'm too exhausted from the escape to take on Straine." She nods and says, "I'll protect you. I'm yours now." Now we know a little more and also curious to know more. What escape? Who was his master? We get a sense there is a relationship between Eden, the girl spirit, and his teacher/master.
On p.7, when ending just have Straine say something like, "His seishin is strong. I'm sorry, Master." Furah says "She couldn't save Koro and she certainly cannot save his pupil. Don't worry, our chance will come again." Obviously I don't know your story so this may sound like total jibberish. The point is that it gives me, the viewer, a life preserver to make sense of these characters.
You've done a good job on the script. For me, just a couple more breadcrumbs about who these people are would make it more compelling to see the next episode and understand what's going on. Good luck!
