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Old 12-17-2013, 08:03 AM   #1
sfoster
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The Thread of Shame

Sometimes I watch a film and think.. why are these massive idiots given the privilege of making a movie. So when I see something extremely stupid in a movie from now on, I will post it here.

First up.. The original red dawn

A 30 year old patrick swaze plays a teenager. The bad guys attack unarmed kids with rockets and helicopters with handguns. WTH?? Yeah that makes sense. And the main characters drive into the mountains with a truck full of food and not a single bottle of water. then the first thing they do is hunt a deerů never mind all that food they collected and a complete lack of water

I can't believe this passed for cinema.
I would be ashamed to have any part in a film like this
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Old 12-17-2013, 08:16 AM   #2
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Yeah, I could never watch the original past the initial invasion scene. I tried several times.... the remake's good, though.
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Old 12-17-2013, 09:34 AM   #3
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Zeitgeist is a powerful thing.
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Old 12-17-2013, 09:47 AM   #4
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Uwe Boll's House of the Dead. Granted, I'm not a huge fan of the games or know much about the world within the story of each game, so as far as the faithfulness to the source material I have no idea if it's accurate or not. But in terms of a mindless zombie-action flick...this is the worst mindless flick you could see.

One thing I remember that was ridiculous were the shooting scenes. What I found annoying were the cuts where in one shot a character would be firing a handgun and in the very next one they would be firing a shotgun...now I have seen jump cuts in movies before but the effect here was ridiculous and amateurish.

I think that film deserves a mention here in this thread of shame.
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Old 12-17-2013, 10:18 AM   #5
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my favorite part of House of the Dead is where one of the cutscene video game footage bits spoils the "twist" at the end of the movie. Fantastic!
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Old 12-17-2013, 10:56 AM   #6
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epic movie....
how on earth it got made, who paid for it, made it, promoted it, all need to be shot.
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Old 12-17-2013, 12:29 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by PhantomScreenwriter View Post
Uwe Boll's House of the Dead.
[...snip...]
I think that film deserves a mention here in this thread of shame.
Although I admire the man for managing to get the sorts of budgets he gets and would love to learn all I could about how he does it (although I think he mostly used a German tax-loophole that's since been closed), I think EVERY movie Uwe Boll has made should be on this list...

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Old 12-17-2013, 01:02 PM   #8
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Postal was actually pretty good. I'm surprised because i hate Uwe Boll
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Old 12-17-2013, 01:04 PM   #9
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"The Guardian" 1990 - a multimillion dollar movie about a killer tree. 14% on Rotten Tomatoes which is 14% more than it deserves.

WARNING: SPOILERS


Set in the lush, green, forests of California, a killer tree eats children, aided by an English nanny who, erm, sort of carts the tree around from State to State.

Marvel when the tree gets attacked by a chainsaw-wielding biker gang and beats them all up.

Be stunned when a group of wolves emerge from the forest, break into a house and pursue the family only to be thwarted by a low gate which my 20 year old, arthritic cat could have jumped backwards over... in his sleep.

Try not to die laughing when the nanny suddenly develops the power of flight and starts hovering in the air.

Suspend your disbelief as the movie opens with a disclaimer that... "Not all trees are evil."

Watch minor characters explode because the tree sort of, well, blows them up after killing them.

See gratuituous nudity as the hot English nanny gets her kit off... hold on a second, this is a good bit!

Feel the pain as you drive hot pokers into your eyes and give yourself a full, pre-frontal lobotomy in the hope of removing all images and memories of this terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible waste of money.

My favourite Rotten Tomatoes review of this terrible movie is: "Absolutely hysterical, unfortunately it's supposed to be scary."

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Old 12-18-2013, 06:25 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zensteve View Post
Zeitgeist is a powerful thing.
Well said.

You young'ens have no idea how much Red Dawn captured the spirit of our nation. Like Rocky IV, it is the ultimate Cold War movie. In the early 80's, we were legitimately scared of war with Russia, and this fear permeated our popular culture. It seems antiquated and silly now, but at the time, we were all pretty gung-ho about it.

And perhaps that's why the remake sucks so much ass. North Korea?! Really, that's your threat?! Please. There was once a time when America wasn't the world's only military superpower, and the fear of war was palpable. And that is why the original Red Dawn is, and forever will be, fucking awesome.
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Old 12-18-2013, 06:50 AM   #11
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Today I was looking at a list on IGN of the top 25 (in their eyes) action films ever made and on that list was Raiders of the Lost Ark (rightly so it is an awesome movie) and the reason I'm mentioning such a classic and much loved film in a thread called the Thread of Shame is to illustrate a point, which is this:

When a movie is released it is a product of its era and those who grew up in or were already grown up during the era in which a film is released will have certain feelings towards it. The next generation coming up may take the film on board but mostly they will associate it not with the era in which it was released but their own era and judge it accordingly.

I realized with Raiders of the Lost Ark today that the idea the film is an homage to the classic serials of the 1930s but made in the 1980s, gives those who grew up with the film a sense of what movies were like back in the 1980s. Those who grew up in the 30s watching the film would have a sense of what it was like to be watching those serials back in the 30s.

I realized that because Raiders was released over 30 years ago it now actually looks like a colour version of a serial from the 1930s so that visually at least you could almost believe it was made in the 1930s. Now whether this is because of the age gap between Raiders and its initial release to now, or that it's just because they did such a great job at re-creating the 30s, is something to consider.

Anyway gone off topic a bit there but people's perceptions of what a good movie is drastically changes from generation to generation so while the original Red Dawn may seem cheesy now, back when it was released it wouldn't have been perceived that way.
------------------------------------

I would also add Cabin Fever 2 to the thread of shame because it is a very poorly constructed sequel that ignored what could have made it on par with the first and that was the hospital setting. I think it would have been interesting to see the epidemic play out in a hospital. It would have created a bit of 'what happens when a place that is supposed to be to heal people actually becomes a danger to those in that place' kind of feel to the picture.

Last edited by PhantomScreenwriter; 12-18-2013 at 06:54 AM.
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Old 12-18-2013, 10:04 AM   #12
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Prelude to a Kiss
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Old 12-18-2013, 10:14 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomScreenwriter View Post
Today I was looking at a list on IGN of the top 25 (in their eyes) action films ever made and on that list was Raiders of the Lost Ark (rightly so it is an awesome movie) and the reason I'm mentioning such a classic and much loved film in a thread called the Thread of Shame is to illustrate a point, which is this:

When a movie is released it is a product of its era and those who grew up in or were already grown up during the era in which a film is released will have certain feelings towards it. The next generation coming up may take the film on board but mostly they will associate it not with the era in which it was released but their own era and judge it accordingly.

I realized with Raiders of the Lost Ark today that the idea the film is an homage to the classic serials of the 1930s but made in the 1980s, gives those who grew up with the film a sense of what movies were like back in the 1980s. Those who grew up in the 30s watching the film would have a sense of what it was like to be watching those serials back in the 30s.

I realized that because Raiders was released over 30 years ago it now actually looks like a colour version of a serial from the 1930s so that visually at least you could almost believe it was made in the 1930s. Now whether this is because of the age gap between Raiders and its initial release to now, or that it's just because they did such a great job at re-creating the 30s, is something to consider.
I watched through Young Indiana Jones on Netflix. I really loved it. It gave me a new appreciation for the crystal skull movie because the movie fits with the larger story line. There's a lot of movie magic in the show. The Phantom Train of Doom was probably my favorite.

I know what you mean about movie's referencing earlier movies. Modern movies do it with video games too. People will incorporate elements of stories that they enjoyed when they were younger.
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Old 12-18-2013, 11:39 PM   #14
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And that is why the original Red Dawn is, and forever will be, fucking awesome.
You can talk all you want about what 'era' it was made in. I've watched literally dozens of silent features, as well tons and tons of old movies. Hell I have seen every charlie chaplin film. I watch old movies more than I watch current film, so that is in no way or shape an excuse to me

Red dawn was hands down one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. Sadly one of my older friends seems to have liked it too. It got awkward when i told him how dumb it was but he couldn't refute any of my arguments.

Who uses rockets against unarmed teenagers and then handguns against a helicopter?? certainly not real soldiers. do you know how much those rockets cost!! and yet real armies and military intelligence did exist in that era. instead this plays out like it was scripted by a 12 year old

Last edited by sfoster; 12-18-2013 at 11:45 PM.
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Old 12-19-2013, 01:22 AM   #15
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The chair is against the wall. The chair is against the wall.
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