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Is my premise believable?

H

harmonica44

The idea for my script is that people in a home for the mentally challenged, are sick of being confined there, and want to get out, and have their own freedom, out of envy of everyone else. It gets to the point where it sickens a particular group of them (who stick together as a group of friends), and they decide to have some firearms delivered to them and they end up taking the place hostage, making demands.

There is a lot more going in the plot, but that is the basic starting premise, but my friends tell me that the concept is really unconvincing, or far-fetched and it will take a lot sell it, if it's sell-able at all.

What do you think? Can I make it work? I plan on this being a major script which I was going to pitch, and have already written half of the first draft, so I would like it to be sell-able, of course, but is mentioning the very starting premise, a problem since my friend didn't even believe that part?
 
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Yep, thanks. That's a good story idea too! But I don't want to change a lot of mine around at this point. I already wrote the treatment, and half of the first draft, and I know exactly how I want to end it. And if I change the whole premise, around that means, different characters, different motivations, different plot twists. I need to follow these characters and their theme to carry it through the third act I already thought would be good for audiences. I don't mind changing the whole story around and writing a whole new script, but I feel like I should try to at least tweak this one first, which is already mostly written and outlined. That way I can see if I can pitch it first, before considering it completely unsaveable, and moving onto a different script. And yes, in my script there is one leader who encourages the others, thinking that it's best for them too. He even teaches them overtime, making it a planned years in advance.

I realize the premise of such characters doing those things, may offend people or lead to controversy, but a lot of times, those movies are big hits because they are controversial. Controversy is good, and it has sold movies, and movies have become well liked and critically acclaimed, because they dealt with controversial topics. I want do something gutsy. So many people hate movies by Michael Bay, and other similar filmmakers for example, cause he plays it safe to much, or makes movies for shallow audiences. Controversial movies such as Schindler's List, Oldboy, Boys Don't Cry, and Django Unchained, are much more well respected compared to movies that play it safe, and would not have been as big, if not. I want to write a script that is gutsy, with depth.
 
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There’s only one way to get weapons into a mental health facility… a nurse or doctor lol. Those places have tons of security and are quick to set off an alarm. They usually lock every door (no ins or outs) during an incident, and the guards arrive in about 3 minutes. Imagine One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest with a lot a guards, no windows, and 2 high security doors. The guards do not carry guns (I’m not sure why) and they are armed with leather straps, needles (filled with stuff that will knock out a horse lol), and batons. If they are teamed up with a nurse or doctor the story could make sense to me.
 
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harmonica44 said:
How many people should I interview to try to assess, if they are capable of such things, and smart enough to get away with it?
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I would first search online. The thing I love about being a writer in this day and age is internet forums. There are pretty much online support groups for everything these days. I would see if you could find something like that and just stalk, don't post. I think it would be crossing the line possibly to interrupt those types of places with questions but you can just read and get a lot of specific information and details that can help make your screenplay more realistic.
 
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The laws on involuntary commitment vary from state to state in the US, and I'm sure they're at least somewhat different in Canada.

On a general basis in the US, a person must be deemed a danger to themselves or others in order to be committed. Of course there are abuses/problems in both directions - too much or too little tendency to commit.
 
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Are you talking about people who are mentally challenged (as in handicapped), or mentally ill (as in potentially a risk to themselves and others?) The former would be a non-starter, I reckon, and the latter would just be another prison break story. I'm not sure what the USP would be here.
 
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I must say it does sound wierd, but my first film was about deadly mushrooms which I step on and become a zombie then wake up realizing it's a dream........People loved it...... So it's all in how you sell it. Perhaps having then as criminial mental people and that seems that it might be able to fix most of your problems. But do what you feel.
 
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maz said:
Are you talking about people who are mentally challenged (as in handicapped), or mentally ill (as in potentially a risk to themselves and others?) The former would be a non-starter, I reckon, and the latter would just be another prison break story. I'm not sure what the USP would be here.
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This is about mentally challenged less than average intelligence people.. a film that I cannot imagine will be enticing to see. I am obviously not the target market, that doesn't mean that there isn't one out there …
 
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Reading through this thread I keep thinking about Airheads. Three dumb musicians take over a radio station with fake guns just to get their song heard on the radio, and the general public starts to support the musicians when it escalates into a full blown hostage situation.

The movie was not very good, TBH. Your premise is interesting but you'd have to be very careful not to make your characters "dumb" like the characters in Airheads. Otherwise it may feel like you're making fun of the mentally handicapped.
 
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PhantomScreenwriter said:
Why not change the time period the story is set in to a time in the past?
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I don't want to set it in the past, cause that means I will have to have a bigger budget, in order to get older looking cars, older looking phones and other props, etc. By setting it in the present I can shoot it much cheaper. Plus a good portion of the plot relies on media footage being broadcast live on the internet in real time, as well.

SixOhThree said:
Reading through this thread I keep thinking about Airheads. Three dumb musicians take over a radio station with fake guns just to get their song heard on the radio, and the general public starts to support the musicians when it escalates into a full blown hostage situation.

The movie was not very good, TBH. Your premise is interesting but you'd have to be very careful not to make your characters "dumb" like the characters in Airheads. Otherwise it may feel like you're making fun of the mentally handicapped.
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Yes I do not want to make the villains dumb. In fact I want to turn them into three dimensional characters, with personalities, and intelligence, even though they cannot function or communicate as normally. I want to give them depth and be sympathetic. What about a movie like Deliverance? The attackers in that movie, were not exactly as intelligent of human beings, but they managed to portray them in a way, that did not offend most audiences, and they were still able to take them seriously? I know Deliverance is a very different movie, but it relies on having antagonists with a lower IQ, and not as socially adaptable, respectively speaking.
 
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