i really like it and i wish my first shorts were that good.
there are two things i would maybe think about next time. the first is a more general thing about the story, for me it is too much radio. that sounds really bad, but i guess it is just a matter of editing. leave some room for your pictures.
the second thing is the look. i dont want to talk about color grading coz thats just a matter of taste. but when i look at the pictures it lookes like you shot on a mft sensor. there is no depth of field. so that is not a bad thing in the first place but everything seems to sharp, to real, it has kind of a video reality, maybe you want to try some filters next time that would give you a litte more filmic look like i.e. a black mist filter.
but again, i really like your short.
