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WANTED Screenwriting feedback dead or... not

Hey guys,
my absolute first time here.
I've never tried screenwriting before but felt almost a pathological need to create a screenplay this week end.

And i think it's kind of unique.
I have no freaking clue how to film that, just writing a movie i would love to watch.

Would love to get your feedback on it! Please be full frontal honest with me ;)

Here's the link:
It's called LUNATIC
NEW VERSION here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/83r7ezy4ekcm5k8/Lunatic%20screenplay3.pdf
 
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I've never tried screenwriting before but felt almost a pathological need to create a screenplay this week end.

I have no freaking clue how to film that, just writing a movie i would love to watch.

Would love to get your feedback on it! Please be full frontal honest with me.
Yeah... we all gotta begin somewhere. :yes:

First, download and learn how to use it: http://celtx.en.softonic.com/
Second, bookmark and learn what you're doing: http://www.scribd.com/doc/12721428/Professional-Screenplay-Formatting-Guide
Third, read what others are currently doing: http://www.imsdb.com/latest/

Next, don't write any more pie-in-the-sky screenplays that you don't have the resources to produce and direct yourself.
KEEP THE IDEA/PREMISE saved somewhere!
But spend your time more wisely until you get a better idea about what goes into both the story + how it's going to be done + who can do it.

GL.
 
Cool thx guys,
i will start by formatting it properly following your advices.
But please pay attention to the content however. Not the form.

@Scorer indeed that's because it's not a doctor ;)
He's a crazy guy who think he's a doctor, but it's revealed later on.

@rayw thanks for the links. Will try that.
I am not considering technical constraints here or how it's going to be produced or by whom.
This is just an attempt at screenwriting a movie i would love to watch. That is all.
Also i don't exactly want to learn it by the book. I strongly believe coming from a totally different world and figuring things out is the best way to come up with innovative ideas.
But sure if it needs to git a proper format, i will do so.

I will make it presentable and get back to you. Thanks for the advices guys
 
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I am not considering technical constraints here or how it's going to be produced or by whom.
This is just an attempt at screenwriting a movie i would love to watch. That is all.
Also i don't exactly want to learn it by the book. I strongly believe coming from a totally different world and figuring things out is the best way to come up with innovative ideas.
Yeah... and that's admirable in all - in principle.

Do you want to try that with sex, eating, or driving on the road with other people?

"Nah! I don't wanna kiss you on the lips or neck or nether regions! I wanna rub dry spaghetti sticks on your socks and see if that produces a favorable response! I strongly believe coming from a totally different world and figuring things out is the best way to come up with innovative ideas!"

Or...

"Nah! I don't wanna stop this growling in my stomach by eating generally accepted forms of food! I wanna flop in that nearby rain ditch and let the clouds above FILLL my spirit with happy thoughts! I strongly believe coming from a totally different world and figuring things out is the best way to come up with innovative ideas!"

Or...

"Nah! I don't wanna drive down the road using National Highway Traffic Safety Administration rules and regs! I wanna do whatever the fudge I want! Just experience the open road/sidewalk/lawn/playground/forest/rain ditch! I don't exactly want to learn it by the book.!"


Yeahhhhh...
Those don't sound like such a bright ideas, do they?

Believe it or not there are actually industry standards on screenplays just like for what is regarded as sex vs. paraphilia by the DSM-IV-TR, food vs. non-food by the FDA, and safe driving practices vs. recklessness by the NHTSA.

Learning doesn't hurt.
Man up, dude. ;)
 
@rayv very far fetched all that. :lol:

It's very quick to go into mockery and trolling behind a keyboard.
More difficult to make sure you understand what it really means before saying thing.

Since i was talking about coming up with innovative ideas i thought it was clear that i'm talking about the content and not the form. Isn't it? Sorry you misunderstood.
I'm here to learn, we can agree on that.
Starting with the standard and format of screenwriting.
I just don't want to hear about what is the formula for a good plot, good characters and all that before having tried to figure it out myself.

I reformatted the thing and improved legibility following your advices guys:
Same url: https://www.dropbox.com/s/dqoyzpsv9nstmtg/Lunatic.pdf

Impatiently waiting for your constructive feedback on the content ;)
 
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More difficult to make sure you understand what it really means before saying thing.
So grow up a bit ;)

I just don't want to hear about what is the formula for a good plot, good characters and all that before having tried to figure it out myself.

Impatiently waiting for your constructive feedback on the content ;)

w_baller.gif
 
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Hey guys, my absolute first time here. I've never tried screenwriting before but felt almost a pathological need to create a screenplay this week end.

And i think it's kind of unique. I have no freaking clue how to film that, just writing a movie i would love to watch. Would love to get your feedback on it! Please be full frontal honest with me ;)

Everyone here wants to help each other succeed. If you just want to write, go for it. A child's crayon drawing is creative but not ready to hang in the Louvre. You will find most of the contributors here completely support breaking traditional rules. However, when beginning, you need to follow some basic rules as you hone your skills. Until you understand "the guidelines", it's hard to break them meaningfully.

You've never written a screenplay, you wrote this one over a weekend, and you don't intend to film it yourself. It seems you simply intended this as a creative weekend exercise. As such, you received feedback. If you want to take this to the next step, actually having it made into a movie, a lot more work needs to be done.

Cool thx guys,
i will start by formatting it properly following your advices. But please pay attention to the content however. Not the form.

I am not considering technical constraints here or how it's going to be produced or by whom.
This is just an attempt at screenwriting a movie i would love to watch. That is all.

Also i don't exactly want to learn it by the book. I strongly believe coming from a totally different world and figuring things out is the best way to come up with innovative ideas. But sure if it needs to git a proper format, i will do so.

I will make it presentable and get back to you. Thanks for the advices guys

Formatting IS important. CEstcOMMejECRISEnFRAnCAiSSAnsESPAcESENTrELESLEtTRES. It makes it very hard to separate out the content when the format is not standard. What is there to present if you have written something no one will want to produce? Every innovative moviemaker has learned the craft by making movies using well-tried principles. While Ray's comments may seem overly harsh, the reality is that innovative movies still follow the solid principles even while breaking others.

@rayv very far fetched all that. :lol:
I just don't want to hear about what is the formula for a good plot, good characters and all that before having tried to figure it out myself.

Impatiently waiting for your constructive feedback on the content ;)

Honestly, it wasn't very interesting to read content-wise. You've created an interesting conundrum since you want honest feedback but don't want to hear about plot or character development since it would require comparison to existing practices. You'll just need to figure out how to make the story elements more obviously linked without contradictions, the dialogue more realistic and relevant, and the characters more interesting on your own. There are resources out there, but they would require reading and would teach more conventional approaches. One way to learn them for yourself is to read movie scripts of actual movies. You can chose those that seem particularly innovative to you. Surprisingly, you will find the same basic principles appear again and again.

I congratulate you on writing something that you would like to see. Perhaps at some point you will produce it and post the link. You've completed the first creative step--putting the idea on paper. Good luck with your future revisions.
 
Honestly, it wasn't very interesting to read content-wise. You've created an interesting conundrum since you want honest feedback but don't want to hear about plot or character development since it would require comparison to existing practices. You'll just need to figure out how to make the story elements more obviously linked without contradictions, the dialogue more realistic and relevant, and the characters more interesting on your own. There are resources out there, but they would require reading and would teach more conventional approaches. One way to learn them for yourself is to read movie scripts of actual movies. You can chose those that seem particularly innovative to you. Surprisingly, you will find the same basic principles appear again and again.

I congratulate you on writing something that you would like to see. Perhaps at some point you will produce it and post the link. You've completed the first creative step--putting the idea on paper. Good luck with your future revisions.

Great. Thank you so much for the feedback.
That's exactly what i need. :)

Note that the first monologue is meant to be unrealistic since we're talking about a crazy person person here. Going straight from anger to compassion to self-pity in a flash. This is a behavior you can observe in maniaco-depressive type.
Here being a cinematic exaggeration obviously.
So i think of it more as unreasonable than unrealistic.
That was the point i was trying to make for a movie that's supposed to talk about mental disorders.
Not sure this was obvious enough though? What do you think i could do to make it more understandable?

As making the story elements more obviously linked: It was also the point: To surprise, confuse and interrogate.
2 of my favorite movies use that really well: Pulp Fiction and Memento. A Non-chronological order that serves the narration. This forces the viewer to really try to understand what's happening and use a bit more of our brain cells. And that's exactly what is happening in Memento. The first minutes totally confuses us... And that's awesome.
Not sure if this was clear too?
Maybe because there is too many non-said that might appears as non-sense and i should precise a few points and where this is going before?
Like Why is it like that?

Really i'm trying to break the rules here: The main character is both the hero and the villain. Movie is 100% First person view. Non-chronological order. Characters not obviously sane nor insane... So i guess it won't be such an easy task to make it obvious. Especially for a first timer in screenwriting ;) (not a first timer in copywriting)
So your help is greatly appreciated
 
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