Quick help needed on a short (19 page) script

sfoster

Staff Member

Moderator

• Aug 28, 2017

• #21

Quality said:

I never insulted anyone on the forum..

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I know you never insulted anyone, you're just trying to help in your own way.
I totally understand what you're saying.

Now lets turn the focus of this thread back to helping the OP.
we don't want to threadjack this and made it about quality

Adeimantus said:

Sorry it didn't grab you, sfoster. And nope, nothing at all to do with Finding Nemo. Heh.

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lol sorry.
I didn't understand why she was so confused. It made me feel confused.

Four questions in a row followed by a "no .. yes" followed by an "I'm not sure"
it reminded me of how disorientated Dory was in finding nemo

 

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directorik

IndieTalk's Resident Guru

indiePRO

• Aug 28, 2017

• #22

Still using caps for EMPHASIS, I see...

I like your writing. Dialogue is real. I enjoyed how the plot crept
up on me. I felt I knew what was going on but it kept me interested.
This would be an interesting exercise for a director and actors. I
can see this played straight but I also see this as very funny.

Nice work.

 

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Krios

• Aug 28, 2017

• #23

Please take this with a grain of salt, as I am no scriptwriter, but it felt like it ended too abruptly.
You do a good job building it up, and it reads real well... so the one improvement would be a stronger or funnier climax.

 

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B

buscando

• Aug 28, 2017

• #24

directorik said:

Still using caps for EMPHASIS, I see...

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Is it uncommon to use caps for some of the action/descriptions?
I first noticed it in the Batman Begins script.
It was almost like the writer was telling me what the important thing is in the shot.

 

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