Logline critiques...THE FREEDMEN'S BUREAU

That's not a logline that 2 facts that sound lifted from wikipedia.

Unless this is a documentary, tell us the STORY!

What if Stone's logline for JFK was:

John Fitzgerald Kennedy was the 35th president of the United States from January 1961 until his assassination in November 1963.

Would you pick up the script?

Here is the logline:

New Orleans District Attorney Jim Garrison discovers there's more to the Kennedy assassination than the official story.

The purpose of a logline is to make someone pick up a script. They are usually one line because they used to be printed on the spines of screenplays, and readers would peruse stacks of them. In the digital age they are still used because they proved useful. You need to be able to convey the general premise in a captivating way in one short sentence, ideally.

Thanks for all the advice...new logline

After learning the emancipation of 4 million slaves is not going as planned, President Abraham Lincoln creates the Freedmen's Bureau to aid in their transition to Americans and fight the brutality of the newly formed Ku Klux Klan.

@indietalk....love the food you serve here

OK, but who's the main character? Is this a screenplay about Abraham Lincoln? Or about a freed slave? Or the first director of the Freedman's Bureau? Or....

I agree with miesemann; your log line is a piece of historical
information we all know. But what is your story?

who - a description of your main character (not their name) - example: A scared young woman
what - what are they doing or what is happening - example: trying to escape
where - where is it based - example: in Warsaw
when - when does it occur - example: at night
why - why are the events happening - example: because of the Nazi occupation

put it all together - example:

a scared young woman desperately tries to escape war torn Warsaw under the cover of darkness after her town is invaded by Nazi soldiers.

so for yours

who - a sympathetic president
what - want to set up a bureau
where - America
when - after the civil war
why - to protect black Americans and aid financial struck southerners

A sympathetic President attempts to set up a bureau in post civil war America in the hopes of settling the growing issues surrounding race relations?
(however if your film isn't about Abe Lincoln then you need to change it to who it is about example - A recently free Slave seeks out refuge from hate at the newly formed Freedman's Bureau in the wake of the American civil war.)

mlesemann said:

OK, but who's the main character? Is this a screenplay about Abraham Lincoln? Or about a freed slave? Or the first director of the Freedman's Bureau? Or....

Click to expand...

This. The logline needs to be about the story of the character IN the surroundings and happenings.

You've provided the setting, but you haven't provided us:

The character (who we see/experience the story through)
Their plot/arc and challenges.

Although not an official logline, checkout this one from BlacKkKlansman:

Ron Stallworth, an African American police officer from Colorado Springs, CO, successfully manages to infiltrate the local Ku Klux Klan branch with the help of a Jewish surrogate who eventually becomes its leader. Based on actual events.