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Logline for film
- Thread starter durbaq
- Start date
It sounds interesting. It does make me think of Peter Parker when he finds Uncle Ben has been shot but in that case he had already developed his powers before that incident. The time limit seems like a different spin to what, I assume, is a revenge story or just her own investigation into the events.
Your logline gets the story across, but it doesn't necessarely have to give away everything. When it comes to loglines, they say: sell the story, not tell the story. Although, it really get the gist of the set up across.
There are some flaws in the logline aswell. "they" references to a group of unmentioned people,
and i would personally let out the "wipe out her entire family" part. Just generalize:
6 Hours before the killer strikes again, 6 hours till terror strikes, 6 hours to stop the killer, I'm not saying these are perfect because I'm far from a qualified writer, but i hope i get my point across.
Another thing i'm missing that is key to a logline is some more description of the pro and antagonists. Is the protagonist really only defined by the fact that she is a grieving young woman? Or is she more than that? Antagonist description is completly missing.
Good luck!
There are some flaws in the logline aswell. "they" references to a group of unmentioned people,
and i would personally let out the "wipe out her entire family" part. Just generalize:
6 Hours before the killer strikes again, 6 hours till terror strikes, 6 hours to stop the killer, I'm not saying these are perfect because I'm far from a qualified writer, but i hope i get my point across.
Another thing i'm missing that is key to a logline is some more description of the pro and antagonists. Is the protagonist really only defined by the fact that she is a grieving young woman? Or is she more than that? Antagonist description is completly missing.
Good luck!
My suggestion is before you start, to read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Anatomy-Story-Becoming-Storyteller/dp/0865479933
And spend more time on your premise.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Anatomy-Story-Becoming-Storyteller/dp/0865479933
And spend more time on your premise.
Tighten it up a bit -
"A young woman with (what kind of power? make it something that adds to the conflict) has six hours to find her father's killer and save her family."
More than anything I think it's going to be the power that you give the character that will make the difference - both in the telling and SELLING of the story.
"A young woman with (what kind of power? make it something that adds to the conflict) has six hours to find her father's killer and save her family."
More than anything I think it's going to be the power that you give the character that will make the difference - both in the telling and SELLING of the story.
"Grieving" can be assumed. "Recent" isn't really that necessary. The fact that the killers will return is enough information for a logline, so using "family" specifically isn't needed.
I don't know if this is cutting out anything important from your logline, but this cuts it nearly in half:
"After her father's murder, a grieving daughter armed with extraordinary powers has just six hours to stop the killers before they strike again."
-Birdman
Good points!
"After her father's murder, a grieving daughter armed with "psychic" powers has just six hours to stop the killers before they kill her family." (or "strike again")
What type(s) of powers? Strength? Psychic? "Problem Solving"?
-Birdman
^ Great advice from the posters above.
The golden rule for loglines is to spend time writing them! We spend weeks writing our scripts but often only an hour (max) writing our logline. A logline is designed to get your script through doors that would otherwise be closed so spend time thinking about it, writing it and refining it. Most agents/prodcos will only ever read your logline so make it really good - you want them to request your script don't you!?
I have an 54 page advice guide (18 pages on logline advice, the remaining pages logline examples) on loglines written by a WME agent. So understand how important they are. They're so important that an agent at a top tier agency wrote a 54 page advice guide on them. Remember that.
Great loglines usually combine these elements:
- What the protagonist must do.
(What happened to cause the protag to begin his quest/journey)
- How the protagonist goes about it.
(What is the protag actively doing?)
- What terrible thing will happen if the protagonist fails.
(What does the antagonist want?)
The golden rule for loglines is to spend time writing them! We spend weeks writing our scripts but often only an hour (max) writing our logline. A logline is designed to get your script through doors that would otherwise be closed so spend time thinking about it, writing it and refining it. Most agents/prodcos will only ever read your logline so make it really good - you want them to request your script don't you!?
I have an 54 page advice guide (18 pages on logline advice, the remaining pages logline examples) on loglines written by a WME agent. So understand how important they are. They're so important that an agent at a top tier agency wrote a 54 page advice guide on them. Remember that.
Great loglines usually combine these elements:
- What the protagonist must do.
(What happened to cause the protag to begin his quest/journey)
- How the protagonist goes about it.
(What is the protag actively doing?)
- What terrible thing will happen if the protagonist fails.
(What does the antagonist want?)
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As far as the logline as written I think tokenwhiteboy gave great advice. As far as the concept I think you've got something nice going. It sounds like the base for a really fun film 
Not only is a logline the only thing most producers are going to read... it's also meant to keep you the writer in check.
Everything should serve the logline... consider this one...
"A man suffering from day terrors must confront the fact that he may be a serial killer."
that came from this...
"A man suffering from day terrors comes in contact with people who end up murdered. As his reality crumbles he must confront the fact that he may be a serial killer."
Notice how taking out the middle chunk really makes it hit home without losing anything.
(of which I have the script registered so don't even think about it
JK
Every scene must serve this logline, even my B story. If I get to a point in the writing where I'm not sure about something, the logline is the one place I can go to either justify or throw away the entire scene or even a snippet of dialogue.
Everything should serve the logline... consider this one...
"A man suffering from day terrors must confront the fact that he may be a serial killer."
that came from this...
"A man suffering from day terrors comes in contact with people who end up murdered. As his reality crumbles he must confront the fact that he may be a serial killer."
Notice how taking out the middle chunk really makes it hit home without losing anything.
(of which I have the script registered so don't even think about it
JKEvery scene must serve this logline, even my B story. If I get to a point in the writing where I'm not sure about something, the logline is the one place I can go to either justify or throw away the entire scene or even a snippet of dialogue.
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We all have different styles... but I'm reading The Anatomy of Story right now by Truby and his discussion on premise really makes me rethink the value of having the premise / logline locked down before you start.
Personally, I don't like to rewrite until after I've sent the script off for coverage, so the more pre-thought and preliminary work I put in, the better for my own style.
Now when I say I don't rewrite, I usually just do a first draft after having a solid premise and doing boards ala Save the Cat! I do then go in and edit for spelling and all that silliness. I'll even send a 60 pager that's destined to be a feature off for coverage if it's rock solid with regard to structure.
I also have about ten ideas for scripts that are only at the logline / premise stage and it doesn't make sense to me until I ponder and refine them to find the one that has the most potential to work on.
A young woman sets forth on a journey to avenge her father's death and she has the edge on her enemies - superhuman abilities she never realized she had.
Well until you figure that out... don't start your script. Of course you can do some pre-writing and outline and maybe even write a prose / treatment and see where your story goes and at some point the powers she needs might just pop up... just make sure the powers include some sort of weakness... and not like kryptonite to Superman either ... that's just dumb and is why Superman continues to fail as a character... more like the Cyclops who can see his own death but can't do anything to avoid it without severe consequences.
You could have bits and pieces of her superpowers coming through in subtle ways, ways in which a person may notice something but not think much of it. As events lead up to her father's death, they start to increase in potency a little but when she discovers her father's body the trauma is so strong that it instantly amplifies her abilities and she lashes out with them in some way. In this way you could tap into the idea that something traumatic intensifies abilities that were previously latent or very minimal.
Sorry, I haven't read the entire thread, so my comments might have already been addressed. Anyway, I generally like it, but I think you need to be more specific.
Who is this young woman? I don't just wanna know her name, but tell me something that identifies what kind of person she is, and her struggles in life.
I'd like to know at least a little bit of details as to what these "extraordinary" powers are. Also, who are "they"?
Sounds like a good adventure/thriller. Good luck!
It depends man. This book is a much harder read than Essentials by Walter or anything by Blake.
I really don't think that as someone wanting to write a first or even second script that I would read Anatomy in its entirety... but really read the premise part (chapter 2 I think). It is likely that a newbie would get too hung up in what Truby is saying as gold (which I do not believe that it is). Essentials is more a graduate level style book than the rest (how it's written and also it's content).
I compare it to when I used to golf a long time ago. I was pretty good as a teen - hit the ball straight and far. Then I picked up a golf magazine and now slice a ball 90 degrees off the tee.
Writing is difficult. Screenwriting is NOT for mortal men.
Not sure if you are a newbie to screenwriting or not, but if you are, I'd go with Save the Cat! first, Essentials of Screenwriting second and Anatomy after you have a script or two under your belt (except as I said the chapter on developing a premise.)
Also, Screenplay by Syd Field is out there in full text for free if you look.