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Old 06-20-2017, 05:05 PM   #1
stephenscottday
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Caution What sucks, what doesn't?

Here's my film, I would love to hear what you think of it-- POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE OPINIONS ALIKE! Anything and everything from the craft to the ideas!



Also, the trailer: https://www.facebook.com/stefanSzuni...7052152669938/

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Old Today   #1A
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Old 06-20-2017, 11:01 PM   #2
buscando
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It starts off nice, I like the camera going from the scene, then onto the viewfinder. I like the audio of the question being muffled. There's so much motion when you're on the viewfinder it's a bit distracting. Maybe if what she was saying was more interesting I wouldn't have noticed so much. 3 mins. in & I'm waiting for some kind of payoff to what she's saying, I'm not really drawn into it. My attention span is pretty bad though.

Maybe if you had filmed another take with a medium or close shot you could've broken up the long shot & added some more visual interest by intercutting. I like long unbroken shots if there's interesting stuff going on. Maybe the pacing would be better if she talked faster or if the dialog was shorter.
There's some interesting direction here though

Last edited by buscando; 06-21-2017 at 02:41 AM.
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Old 06-21-2017, 12:11 AM   #3
stephenscottday
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Originally Posted by buscando View Post
It starts off nice, I like the camera going from the scene, then onto the viewfinder. I like the audio of the question being muffled. There's so much motion when you're on the viewfinder it's a bit distracting. Maybe if what she was saying was more interesting I wouldn't have noticed so much. 3 mins. in & I'm waiting for some kind of payoff to what she's saying, I'm not really drawn into it. My attention span is pretty bad though.

Maybe if you had filmed another take with a medium or close shot you could've broken up the long shot & added some more visual interest by intercutting. I like long unbroken shots if there's interesting stuff going on. Maybe the pacing would be better if she talked faster or if the dialog was shorter.
There are some interesting direction here though
I do wish I could have gotten a little more steady on that shot of the viewfinder! I spent a good amount of time trying to fix with digital stabilization but the paralaxing looked way too weird. I'm definitely gonna have to get a gimbal next time. Let's pretend the shakiness wasn't distracting, what about her monolog do you think made it so uninteresting?

I'm curious to hear what you thought of the rest of the film!
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Old 06-21-2017, 12:17 PM   #4
buscando
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I might not be the best person to talk to about the first scene. Like I said, I have bad attention span.

-The beginning has to grab me. Her monolog might be fine if the shakiness didn't distract me, or if you had the intercutting. Or if she did the scene in a strange quirky way, or if halfway through her monolog it seemed like she was hiding something. Or what if, before her closeup, you focused on her forearm & she was wearing a wide leather bracelet & she stroked it a couple times, a little hint about her. I just needed something besides her talking. Otherwise she's just a regular girl, talking in a normal way, so what's special about her that I should pay attention? I lost interest because of the length. You might be able to use cuts to go from the opening, to the viewfinder, to her closer shot. I would've liked to get to the next scene quicker, the guy's first few lines are already interesting, there's something at stake.

-When he's waiting on the street for her, it's strange that he didn't notice her car approaching. She parked her car nearby & then walked to him while he was just standing there? If he was preoccupied with headphones or something I'd understand.

-Wouldn't she ask him why this mountain climbing gear was left for him in the middle of nowhere?

-When they're sitting outside & she tells him about her plan, the music's a bit melodramatic. Maybe if it started off very low & then gradually ended at its existing volume. Maybe the music in the next scene in the car might've worked for the talking scene too. It might've been good to have the same piece playing over both scenes, so that the musical feel of her revelation lingers on even more.

-That last shot of her is nice. Maybe if you started a little wider, then slowly moved in. And if you had someone off screen simulate a passing car far away so that a faint light slowly moved across her face, accenting her eyes a little. Then the light leaves, & then you cut.

I like it overall. They're pretty good actors. And you're doing some cool stuff in the edit.
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Old 06-21-2017, 12:34 PM   #5
stephenscottday
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Originally Posted by buscando View Post
I might not be the best person to talk to about the first scene. Like I said, I have bad attention span.

-The beginning has to grab me. Her monolog might be fine if the shakiness didn't distract me, or if you had the intercutting. Or if she did the scene in a strange quirky way, or if halfway through her monolog it seemed like she was hiding something. Or what if, before her closeup, you focused on her forearm & she was wearing a wide leather bracelet & she stroked it a couple times, a little hint about her. I just needed something besides her talking. Otherwise she's just a regular girl, talking in a normal way, so what's special about her that I should pay attention? I lost interest because of the length. You might be able to use cuts to go from the opening, to the viewfinder, to her closer shot. I would've liked to get to the next scene quicker, the guy's first few lines are already interesting, there's something at stake.

-When he's waiting on the street for her, it's strange that he didn't notice her car approaching. She parked her car nearby & then walked to him while he was just standing there? If he was preoccupied with headphones or something I'd understand.

-Wouldn't she ask him why this mountain climbing gear was left for him in the middle of nowhere?

-When they're sitting outside & she tells him about her plan, the music's a bit melodramatic. Maybe if it started off very low & then gradually ended at its existing volume. Maybe the music in the next scene in the car might've worked for the talking scene too. It might've been good to have the same piece playing over both scenes, so that the musical feel of her revelation lingers on even more.

-That last shot of her is nice. Maybe if you started a little wider, then slowly moved in. And if you had someone off screen simulate a passing car far away so that a faint light slowly moved across her face, accenting her eyes a little. Then the light leaves, & then you cut.

I like it overall. They're pretty good actors. And you're doing some cool stuff in the edit.
That's a really interesting idea to have the Arvo Part song start playing where the Aram Khachaturian song starts and having it play into the next scene (the song is even long enough to do that!). The idea of having a song that connects scenes is something I'm definitely interested in and will have that in the back of my mind on future projects.

There were so many car headlights queues in the original concept but because of production constraints, we just had to catch what was available naturally.

I'm glad you dug overall! And yea, I'm very thankful to have worked with them David has made it into a commercial I just did, and an episode of a show I just did as well. I wanted to work with Chloe again but she's leaving the country

Thanks a ton, buscando! I really appreciate your thoughts, it's really been very insightful.
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Old 06-21-2017, 07:35 PM   #6
buscando
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You're welcome, I hope it helps. Congrats on the commercial & the episode.
Looking forward to more from you.
By the way I really like the Kickstarter video you did for your short Radioactive a few years ago.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects.../radioactive-0

Last edited by buscando; 06-24-2017 at 08:56 AM.
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Old 06-21-2017, 07:46 PM   #7
stephenscottday
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Originally Posted by buscando View Post
You're welcome, I hope it helps. Congrats on the commercial.
Looking forward to more from you.
By the way I really like the Kickstarter video you did for your short Radioactive a few years ago.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects.../radioactive-0
HAHAHAAHAH duude. That video was fun to do but damn I cannot stand seeing myself in it!

Thanks for the kind words. I'm working on releasing lot's of stuff right now, you should totally follow the Stefan-Szuni Facebook page if you're on there: https://www.facebook.com/stefanSzuni/
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