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I wrote a short story AND will make into proper format if it is accepted. Idea?

Does anyone agree to direct? Plz rate and criticize it.....


Thanks!

_____

Subject: I am this.....

One high school boy runs hardly under heavy rain to deliver a notebook to a girl who is his classmate. Among the way, he remembers that he should be in sport club soon or he will be punished if be late and loses his scholarship o school. He also will be punished and mocked for it.
He takes accident with a covered robber and the robber tries to get the notebook from him, but can't.
He gets to the girl even sooner than expected, and gives the notebook to the girl. He waits a bit and moves around some. Then, he decides to come back. When doing it, he meets some from his village and they say the way is closed due to rocket hit. And the school is hit, too. Then it causes he understands how the poor condition the girl is in.
He then meets a man who is going to sell books by bicycle. They speak about boy and girl relations and how young boys are more shallow than the girls in same age and that he should be very careful, but he should not fear, because he knows good will happen to the boy, as good things always happen for the good men..





Thanks!
 
Plz rate and criticize it.....
One high school boy runs hardly under heavy rain to deliver a notebook to a girl who is his classmate. Among the way, he remembers that he should be in sport club soon or he will be punished if be late and loses his scholarship o school. He also will be punished and mocked for it.

Ummmm okay. So

EXT. DAY
A boy runs in the rain.

Thats all you have so far. A film doesn't show thoughts. Novels show thoughts, not screenplays.
You have no idea how screenplays work but you want to be a screen writer?? Are you that lazy??

He waits a bit and moves around some.

Can you get any more boring? I don't want to watch a character just waiting around. Yawn

When doing it, he meets some from his village and they say the way is closed due to rocket hit. And the school is hit, too. Then it causes he understands how the poor condition the girl is in.

Once again a film doesn't show thoughts.
this is not a story for a movie. its not a format issue.

He then meets a man who is going to sell books by bicycle. They speak about boy and girl relations and how young boys are more shallow than the girls in same age and that he should be very careful, but he should not fear, because he knows good will happen to the boy, as good things always happen for the good men..

Stories are supposed to have an ending. What happened to the boy and the girl?
Is she mutilated from the rocket attack and this shallow boy doesn't want her anymore?

Im not impressed by your story. It didn't move me emotionally and I don't care about any of your characters. There's nothing clever or surprising in it either. I didn't learn anything and it elicited no emotions.
 
I knew this IS not screenplay, BUT story or PLOT..... And it is a short film, no need to be defined in a particular way other films are for ending...


Thanks!
 
you have to write for the screen.

its not plot because it's nothing at all. what you wrote won't be included in a movie.

why did you write it if it can't be shown on a screen?
 
Again you try to get someone to commit to a script that does not exist yet.
You only have an idea and you ONLY want to write the script AFTER someone agrees to direct it.
You will have to write the script first.
Sorry.
 
I'm not sure I understand the story.
Why do you have the boy talking to the man at the end?
What is the main thing you want to say with the story?
 
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