Short script idea - "a world where woman dominate" challenge

Inarius · Mar 31, 2015

I had an idea for a comedy short script.
A desperate screenwriter has to have sex with an ugly and fat female producer to have her buy his screenplay.

Code:

It was about Shay, "wanna-be-screenwriter" who can't sell a single screenplay, 
until one day gets an offer - have sex with the producer to have his screenplay bought. 
The producer, Dana, is an ugly and fat woman, who never had a man, so she sees an 
opportunity to get laid for the first time. Shay, of course, doesn't like it, but the 
repeating failures in pursuing his dream push him to do that. 

Shay arrives at Dana's house to finish it as quickly as possible, but finds out she wants 
it to be real - romantic date before sex, "like in old times". He plays the game until it 
comes the moment when they should have sex. Shay runs away without having sex. 

Realizing he will never sell a screenplay, Shay complains to Dana's boss about being 
sex-abused. The production company asks him not to involve police, fires Dana and 
offers him to read his screenplay, as a compensation for Dana's behavior. However, 
feeling guilt and pity for the desperate woman, he declines the offer and decides to 
have sex with her. Still having the upper hand over the production company, he 
demands that Dana will return to her duties. The company agrees. After the sex, Dana 
returns to her producer's duties and starts the production of Shay's script.

However, after telling this idea to some people, including my film school teacher, they all said it's too sexist and brutal, even if it's a comedy. I was offered to change the "fat ugly" woman into a hot "business-lady", and make Shay married. To make this story authentic, I was offered an interesting challenge - to set this story in a world, where woman dominate over men. 3 characters - Shay the writer, Dana the producer and Shay's wife. Being a pawn in both womens' hands, Shay may have sex with the producer to sell his screenplay, but lose his wife, OR remain with his wife but give up his career. Or, maybe, he'll find a 3rd option, the "edge of the coin".

I think what I was offered is brilliant. It might be a great film. It's also an interesting challenge to write. But do you think it can fit into a 8-10 short film. Or maybe I should go with my original idea? Do you think my original idea is too sexist? You know, I don't want to submit politically-incorrect materials to festivals... Discuss please

NickClapper · Apr 1, 2015

Inarius said:
I decided to take the idea NickClapper has offered...

Just for the historians, this was not the idea I 'offered'. I suggested a slightly altered plot where the woman would have more power and agency. You've latched on to the differences in narrative, whilst dismissing the reason I suggested them.

So Avi succeeds both as a writer and as a director, and takes revenge upon Meital - all in a world where female dominate.

Maybe I'm missing the point of this exercise, but this sounds like grim men's rights garbage.

Inarius · Apr 1, 2015

NickClapper said:
Just for the historians, this was not the idea I 'offered'. I suggested a slightly altered plot where the woman would have more power and agency. You've latched on to the differences in narrative, whilst dismissing the reason I suggested them.
Maybe I'm missing the point of this exercise, but this sounds like grim men's rights garbage.

I meant the point of how the protagonist solves the problem, without having to choose from what he has been given. This is what I've taken from what you wrote.

The exercise was to implement the original story in a world, where women dominate. And of course, I can alter the original story if needed.

NickClapper · Apr 1, 2015

Inarius said:
The exercise was to implement the original story in a world, where women dominate. And of course, I can alter the original story if needed.

Is this an exercise that you set yourself? Or is it part of a competition?

It seems a bit funny to depict a "world where women dominate" unless you're going to do it as satire, and do something about role reversal. But, at the moment, it just seems like you're setting up a vague premise in order to justify quite a misogynistic story.

Inarius · Apr 1, 2015

NickClapper said:
Is this an exercise that you set yourself? Or is it part of a competition?

It seems a bit funny to depict a "world where women dominate" unless you're going to do it as satire, and do something about role reversal. But, at the moment, it just seems like you're setting up a vague premise in order to justify quite a misogynistic story.

Hell, no!
I'm studying in a screenwriting class, and brought this story to the class. It was called sexist. The teacher gave me this exercise. He offered me to try to implement this story in a "world where women dominate". I'm just looking for something to film, and I thought that if I write this story in a "world where women dominate", it has a potential. But at this point, it's just a homework

PhantomScreenwriter · Apr 2, 2015

I understand you wish to set this in a world where women dominate, but this still just appears to be an isolated incident in your story. You need to add more to the story that sells the idea that the world of your story is such that women are the ones who dominate over men. Perhaps you could have the story open with a live news reporting of a rally of protest by men, and not just straight men, gay men as well, and the leader is saying a speech about how the tables have turned, that equality lost out, and that what they're trying to accomplish here is to say that, male or female, both should be seen as equal.

I prefer the idea as it is now than what you initially had, so I feel you're on the right track though.

Inarius · Apr 2, 2015

PhantomScreenwriter, ok thanks, I'll think of something

Inarius · Apr 2, 2015

I've thought of that, and decided to quit the idea of making the "world where women dominate" thing. It's very difficult to write, and to find actors to play all that (in my opinion). Although it's a very interesting challenge, I have a very tight deadline, so I will keep this challenge for better times.

Currently I want to make this story happen with a female character. She is an unsuccessful writer, who has to sleep with a male producer, if she wants her screenplay produced. What do you think?

mlesemann · Apr 2, 2015

Here's what I would do, for whatever it's (not) worth.

Woman screenwriter has a sick child (or spouse) and desperately needs money. Male producer says he will buy her screenplay for an amount of $$ that will solve her problems - IF she kills his wife for him. Woman would not normally do such a thing, but is so desperate that she does (I'd go for something easy to shoot like poison). She returns to producer - task completed (like in a fairy tale). He's stunned that she did it - it's April Fool's Day and he thought she knew it was just a joke. End on sirens of approaching police.

You'd need the writer, producer, and wife; don't need to show the sick spouse. So only 3 characters, and no special effects.

Inarius · Apr 2, 2015

mlesemann said:
Here's what I would do, for whatever it's (not) worth.

Woman screenwriter has a sick child (or spouse) and desperately needs money. Male producer says he will buy her screenplay for an amount of $$ that will solve her problems - IF she kills his wife for him. Woman would not normally do such a thing, but is so desperate that she does (I'd go for something easy to shoot like poison). She returns to producer - task completed (like in a fairy tale). He's stunned that she did it - it's April Fool's Day and he thought she knew it was just a joke. End on sirens of approaching police.

You'd need the writer, producer, and wife; don't need to show the sick spouse. So only 3 characters, and no special effects.

Aren't there already many such videos of April 1st jokes?

Anyway, it will either be very bad or very good, but it won't leave the audience without talking about it

And if I take it seriously, I think I don't need the sick spouse. I've seen SOOO desperate screenwriters that will do ANYTHING to sell their script... ANYTHING!

And it DOES make the production simpler and cheaper