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Is written sound ok?

F

Future_Screen

In normal creative writing i.e. writing a story/novel onomatopoeia/written sound is great. But is it applicable to screenplay writing? I mean what sounds better?:

Ext. Street – day

Kevin looks into the dipping mirror. He sees three cars with blue flashing lights are behind them. Shit! The cops.

or this one:

Ext. street – day

Kevin discerns a deep Woop woop. He looks into the dipping mirror. He recognizes sparsely three cars with blue flashing lights are behind them. Shit! The cops.
 
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Future_Screen said:
Kevin discerns a deep Woop woop.
Click to expand...

Not a screenwriter myself, but this is giving specific sound directions in the screenplay. A "deep whoop whoop" does not necessarily mean a couple of short bursts from a police siren; there is a bird in my neighborhood that goes "whoop whoop". And why use "discern"? Also, you don't need "Shit! The cops;" it sounds like narration. If you're writing for yourself I guess that it's okay, but for spec you need to keep it fairly generic. And what the hell is a "dipping mirror?"

So, if I were writing it would be.

Ext. street – day

KEVIN, driving in his car, hears a few short bursts from a police siren. Looking in the rearview mirror Kevin panics seeing three police cars with their lights on.


Just my two ducats.
 
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If a car speeds by, there's really no need to write vroom. However when it comes to onomatopoeia that are common words as well, like buzz, and sizzle, it works. Whoop, I would not use for a siren. It's a bit cheesy. But awaking to the buzzing of the alarm tells us what the alarm sounds like and is a common word as well as onomatopoeia, so it works. Same as being awakened by the sizzling of bacon.
 
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Woop-woop! That's the sound of da police! That's the sound of the beast!
Stand clear! Don man a-talk
You can't stand where I stand, you can't walk where I walk
Watch out! We run New York
Police man come, we bust him out the park
I know this for a fact, you don't like how I act
You claim I'm sellin' crack
But you be doin' that
I'd rather say "see ya"
Cause I would never be ya
Be a officer? You wicked overseer!
Ya hotshot, want to get props and be a savior
First show a little respect, change your behavior
Change your attitude, change your plan
There could never really be justice on stolen land
Are you really for peace and equality?
Or when my car is hooked up, you know you want to follow me
Your laws are minimal
Cause you…
 
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