"Sins of the Father" draft one

It was ok. Some of teh dialogue is a little corny for a father son convo. Maybe hodl the son's anger back a bit then the dad's til they're both rivaling each other for volume. I assume teh son has some mental problem that the father had that lead him to kill someone. Maybe his mother?

Its not bad ddefinitely needs work though. I would brush up the description in your action. Don't tell so much show it, direct the action towards that climax when Jake leaves teh room.

That longer paragraphs the father and son speak sounded a little too unnatural.

How long is this all going to be? How much of your character have you developed? From the scene you posted I don't know if there's enough behind your characters to have them say what they're saying. Try to make your longer dialogue quicker-unless there's a reason you have that's its the length that it is.

Hope I helped a bit. Gl.

This would not make sense on the screen. Half of the script is just going back and forth asking the same question--"Do you believe me or not?" (phrased differently each time, of course). This entire exchange could be boiled down to the first two lines and the last two lines. And four lines between two actors in a room is a scene but not a story in this case. There is no resolution just a suggestion. I think this could be boiled down to a one page scene. I'm not convinced it would work as a short as written.