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watch Criminal Bounds

sfoster

sfoster

Staff Member
Moderator
It's about time I posted a narrative onto this website.
Public release is going to be delayed until I have a sequel penned, but you lucky folks get to see this early.

Love it or shove it, here is Criminal Bounds ;)

Edited to add color grading and altered first cut
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRsED2s6bjA
 
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Some grading would be nicer, perhaps a cooler, darker tone in the beginning. Some Foley when the one guy grabs the other guy in the car, as well the killing scene would be nice. The clothing choice could have been different for the lead guy too... perhaps a suit or something (the blond guy). I think a more somber music choice would have been nice as well. Maybe a wide shot showing off the house with the tarp could have been cool too. But the acting was decent, the plot was set up well, the characters and their lines were believable, framing and composition was good, the audio was clear, and it was overall pretty good. It's interesting seeing how different this is from Friendzoned. Keep exploring different genres.
 
Thanks, I do regret not having a wider shot with all the tarp but at least the message gets across.

As far as foley and grading.. I did what I could, but sadly that's the difficult choice that comes with being a one man band in post production. I could spend another month learning color grading, or I can just call it and move on to writing a sequel and storyboarding some of my other stuff.

I really just want to get something out there so I can start inspiring people local with me to come and help out. It really blows holding a boom mic and directing at the same time. Makes for hell in the editing room, since I can't catch all the errors that I would if I were by the camera. Such as peoples eyes darting around or looking at the camera or something, I don't get to notice that stuff until it's too late.

Not too excited about learning color grading anymore anyway, since my stupid macbook pro can't run resolve.
 
TheMurph said:
I liked it a lot. The one thing I would recommend is dialing back the music a bit. It was a little overpowering. :)
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Glad you liked it murph. By dial back do you mean lower volume, or using a less intense track? I'm guessing it's the walking scene you're referring to
 
Could definitely use some grading (especially as the landscape colour scheme is kind of grey/brown, which can be quite visually dull) and as aspect ratio adjustment, to make it feel more cinematic.

Those are fairly quick fixes (you could grade that in a couple of hours if you were just using a three-point CC). There are, of course, bigger problems with the film, just as there are with any short. The audio mix isn't great and needs to be levelled out - at the moment the dialogue sounds like it's happening in a vacuum, because the foley levels are either non-existent or too low. Similarly, though it's not of use to this project, the acting feels quite stagey. If you are introducing physicality to interactions in a film, then you really need to 'sell it'. This can be done through a combination of factors, but here are the key ones: acting, sound design and choreography. If that's not quite right, then the 'fight' (or scuffle, in this case) feels tame and as though it was conducted in a safe space. Getting this right is real hard (especially when the actors have to deliver dialogue simultaneously) and that's one of the main reasons I've never tried anything particularly sophisticated when it comes to on-screen violence!

There's plenty of good stuff, as well. I think the film is visually clean (if was tidied with CC and aspect ratio adjustments especially) and has some interesting camera shots and lighting decisions. 'Mob boss in the shadows' borders on cliche, but I liked that the actor was very softly spoken, in a Mike Tyson way. I wonder whether that could be played with - maybe make him go bigger, because, in comparison with the long haired guy, he seemed like he was underplaying the performance. But I think your actors (if you are sticking with them for a sequel) would benefit a lot from being given some freedom to improvise and deliver the dialogue with less of a rehearsed feel. I think they will also be helped if they have more of an arc (another cliche...), which this doesn't have, I guess because you want to leave it open-ended for a sequel.

But good job, it was an ambitious short and not at all badly executed.
 
sfoster said:
Glad you liked it murph. By dial back do you mean lower volume, or using a less intense track? I'm guessing it's the walking scene you're referring to
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Yeah, just a little bit lower volume on the music at that walking scene. Otherwise, for me it was great. :)
 
Thanks murph it's good to hear a response on an emotional level like that :)

NickClapper said:
Those are fairly quick fixes (you could grade that in a couple of hours if you were just using a three-point CC).
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I don't really know what I'm doing with grading, so I doubt that I'd have it done in a few hours. I have the color grading handbook but i haven't read it and it would take me a while.

NickClapper said:
There are, of course, bigger problems with the film, just as there are with any short. The audio mix isn't great and needs to be levelled out - at the moment the dialogue sounds like it's happening in a vacuum, because the foley levels are either non-existent or too low.
Click to expand...

What sort of foley would you put into the choking scene?
What other foley do you feel I am missing?

Right now it is 1920x1080, what are you suggesting the aspect ratio be?

NickClapper said:
I think they will also be helped if they have more of an arc (another cliche...), which this doesn't have, I guess because you want to leave it open-ended for a sequel.

But good job, it was an ambitious short and not at all badly executed.
Click to expand...

I do have plans for a sequel :)
although I want to try a small crowd sourcing so I can get a couple people to do real fight choreography
 
I have to agree on the music; in that scene, especially once they reach the door, it's just too overbearing. It doesn't fit the scene at all. I don't think just lowering the volume will fix the issue. I'd recommend trying to find a more suitable piece.

Also, the very opening shot. The car drives towatds the camera. Are we hearing the car, or is that supposed to be music of some sort? Either way, it's odd how, once the car passes the camera, the sound just stops.

All in all though, some good stuff in there. Nice work!
 
mad_hatter said:
Also, the very opening shot. The car drives towatds the camera. Are we hearing the car, or is that supposed to be music of some sort?
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I was supposed to be an ambiguous blend with dark undertones

I'll play with the walking scene track a little more, although I like it I do feel it sort of switches the audience POV from victim to enforcer with the tone
 
mad_hatter said:
Got to ask... Why?

I feel it would be better if we only hear the car approaching, then, as it passes, the sound tails off pretty quickly (but not just cut to silence).
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To set the mood and show that it's not an ordinary car ride.
But yes the blend isn't perfect between the two tracks afterward, I'll give it some thoughts. Thanks
 
I was going to re-watch this so I could better remember what stood out to me, but it seems you removed it.

Anyways, I will start with what I didn't like. The jarring car sound effect didn't work for me. I think you need to complement the sound disappearing with another jarring effect(s) whether visual and/or aural.
Your muscle guy needs to work on his acting. If you can mess with his voice a little in post to make it sound tougher that would go a long way. He never sounds imposing in the car and acts a little soft; I'm not sure why the other guy seems so scared of him. I imagine he will be in the sequel which doesn't excite me.
I never felt sorry for your main character. He came off as such a pansy that I was glad he died. In fact, his pansy act is so overwhelming that the twist feels ruined and expected.
Some of your edits jar me in the wrong way. The bit I remember was when the guy was getting stabbed. It just didn't flow correctly for me and felt like you just chopped the cuts up and left them as is without making sure they work.

Now for what I liked. The crime boss did a great job. His voice is soft yet threatening. I hope he is in the sequel. The acting overall is better come the house scene. I wonder if the other two played off him better than just each other.
The house scene is well lit and the tone of the story works with what you did here. Personally, I would have went slightly brighter on your actors but that's a very minor detail and possibly personal taste.
The open ending itself. I agree with what Ray is always saying; think franchise. This story is compact. There isn't much to be accomplished in three minutes. I hope the next one is longer and your characters have the chance to evolve slightly.

How many stories are you thinking for these characters? Have you already planned the series out?
 
Dude this is a really nice short film. It tells a good story with a nice twist. For me though, it felt like just one scene of a bigger picture, which I understand that this will be a series. I'm not a huge fan of series, I like getting the whole package in one film but I look forward to watching the rest of this series.

I think most of the comments given here already are good on the technical aspects. I liked the camera, especially those initial shots. Good job! :)
 
TheLoganDaniels said:
1) I was going to re-watch this so I could better remember what stood out to me, but it seems you removed it.

2) Anyways, I will start with what I didn't like. The jarring car sound effect didn't work for me. I think you need to complement the sound disappearing with another jarring effect(s) whether visual and/or aural.
3) Your muscle guy needs to work on his acting. If you can mess with his voice a little in post to make it sound tougher that would go a long way. He never sounds imposing in the car and acts a little soft; I'm not sure why the other guy seems so scared of him. I imagine he will be in the sequel which doesn't excite me.
I never felt sorry for your main character. He came off as such a pansy that I was glad he died. In fact, his pansy act is so overwhelming that the twist feels ruined and expected.
4)Some of your edits jar me in the wrong way. The bit I remember was when the guy was getting stabbed. It just didn't flow correctly for me and felt like you just chopped the cuts up and left them as is without making sure they work.

5) Now for what I liked. The crime boss did a great job. His voice is soft yet threatening. I hope he is in the sequel. The acting overall is better come the house scene. I wonder if the other two played off him better than just each other.
The house scene is well lit and the tone of the story works with what you did here. Personally, I would have went slightly brighter on your actors but that's a very minor detail and possibly personal taste.
The open ending itself. I agree with what Ray is always saying; think franchise. This story is compact. There isn't much to be accomplished in three minutes. I hope the next one is longer and your characters have the chance to evolve slightly.

6) How many stories are you thinking for these characters? Have you already planned the series out?
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1) Check out the first post in this thread.. I remove the original but updated the link to a color graded version

2) This is also fixed now in the updated edit

3) Hmm.. I thought he was imposing in the car. Too bad it didn't come across for you. And technically he is the main character but he's not an actor, just a friend of mine doing me a favor. You also have to realize that he is 6'4" and 350lbs but that doesn't always come across on film. The other character is also supposed to have bruises and stuff on his face, but if you don't have a large enough screen it might not be clear to you that he has already been thrashed.

4) this was a total goddamn mess unfortunately, I almost had to give up altogether it was so bad. The mob bosses eyes kept darting around like crazy. Because I was forced to hold the boom mic I THOUGHT we got a reaction from him but it was unusable. Then I had a totally different kill shot designed that actually showed the knife, had a great riddley scott angle going on, etc but we had to have a crane outside with the door open to achieve this. We were using an external monitor that unfortunately I was unaware that it was showing us a cropped image.. so in the final shot you can see the door swung open in the frame and it ruins the whole illusion. So without being able to use either of sequences it was a big mess editing this with basically zero options. a miracle i was able to edit it together as well as i did. Lessons for next time, although there will always be problems as long as I am forced to hold my own boom mic and direct at the same time.

5 Glad you liked it, this was my first time ever trying to light something indoors. I actually had to do a spot exposure on the boss to make him brighter. It didn't help that both of them had dark skin.. But oh well. I only had a 500W LED light and it was at full brightness so there wasn't much more I could do with trying to set the tone. I also had to personally keep climbing up the pillar with a ladder to move the light for different shots, and then moving the ladder out of the way, bringing it back, etc. independent problems :)

6) The next one will be longer and I have a plan, but not a script. I want to hopefully crowd source a little money so I can hire people for an actual fight scene and get someone to hold the boom. We shall see.. if I don't get either of those I will still be able to make it, it just won't be as cool. I have a rough idea of where to go after that but nothing past a 3rd episode right now. Depends on what kind of traction it receives :D
 
MiniJamesW said:
Dude this is a really nice short film. It tells a good story with a nice twist. For me though, it felt like just one scene of a bigger picture, which I understand that this will be a series. I'm not a huge fan of series, I like getting the whole package in one film but I look forward to watching the rest of this series.

I think most of the comments given here already are good on the technical aspects. I liked the camera, especially those initial shots. Good job! :)
Click to expand...

Thanks man. I'm glad that I have some good reviews because it seems nobody liked friend zoned. Not just here but other places too :lol: My knack is apparently for crime thrillers and not dark comedies.

Also I will now note the thing I am most proud of, that no one has yet mentioned. How CLEAN that kill is.

If roll up a body in a tarp, blood may leak out the sides.
If you roll a body into a body bag, it will get blood DNA on the outside of the bag, possibly transferring elsewhere.

By rolling a body into a tarp, and then the tarp into a body bag, there is absolutely no DNA able to be left at the crime scene. All they have to do is wipe down the fingerprints from the door and it's spotless.

I had to really fight with my crew to get that shot, no one believed that the tarp and body could both fit into the bag. But it did, that's really the actor in there :lol:
 
Pretty decent dude, no criticism comes to mind that hasn't all ready been said. An overall nice short film.
 
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