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Creed of Thieves

In 18th century England two masked thieves steal specific items of worth for a mysterious man and the people he works for. As they complete job after job, they most hone thier skills and keep their identities secret from everyone; always separating family and business and never letting them collide.

One day after refusing to kill for the mysterious man, they discover their loved ones have been taken and everything they love destroyed. Having no choice but to complete the job, all hell breaks loose when they are forced to go against everything they believe in order to save the ones they love and extract their final revenge.


tag line: "Revenge through the eyes of the wronged is sweet"
Hey guys I said I'd be re-posting so here it is. Enjoy, CHEERS


http://pc.celtx.com/project/xgm2Aahj1CHx/view/http://celtx.com/res/1kEqvojZWTHA
 
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Hey guys. Started writing a few days ago on a new script which I hoped the good people here on this site could take a quick look at it, its only a few pages.


Its called Creed of Thieves. Its about two brothers in 18th century England who are hired highwayman/thieves/bandits whatever you want to call it. They steal for a certain clientele but they do their work in the name of the Code. He who lives by the Code, dies by the Code.

Its basically an action script, my very first action oriented script so its been a blast to write. Its starts off when the brothers raid an unsuspecting caravan, 8 against 2.

Take a quick peep, don't have to read the whole thing. Tell me what you think, any feed back would be wonderful.


Script- http://pc.celtx.com/project/xgm2Aahj1CHx


Other then a few spelling mistakes, I thought it read quickly and interesting too. And I don't even care much for period pieces. I might have a crush on Henry. The action scene I don't think could really be improved upon.
Is a bandanna around in 18cent.? And would he say 'smart ass'? There might be a better word than 'folks'. Something sarcasticaly insulting. Do we have to know they are good guys right away? Possibly save it for when Henry comes into town telling people to go help the wounded?
All in all, it made me want to read a more. Made me wonder where/who the necklace was going to.
Thanks for sharing it,
:D
Margo
 
Hey guys. Started writing a few days ago on a new script which I hoped the good people here on this site could take a quick look at it, its only a few pages.


Its called Creed of Thieves. Its about two brothers in 18th century England who are hired highwayman/thieves/bandits whatever you want to call it. They steal for a certain clientele but they do their work in the name of the Code. He who lives by the Code, dies by the Code.

Its basically an action script, my very first action oriented script so its been a blast to write. Its starts off when the brothers raid an unsuspecting caravan, 8 against 2.

Take a quick peep, don't have to read the whole thing. Tell me what you think, any feed back would be wonderful.


Script- http://pc.celtx.com/project/xgm2Aahj1CHx

.
 
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1. I agree about the code, its kinda lame. I had planned to do something with it later but decided to get rid of it. So that's gone now.
3. Whats wrong with the dialog? I thought it was fairly OK besides a few things like magro mentioned. Plz elaborate.
4. Whats predictable? I havent even wrote a story yet so how do you know whats gonna happen? If you're talking about the fight scene then yea, well, they're the main character so there's no point for them to die in the first five minutes now is there?
5. Whats wrong with the fight scene? They're on horses they shoot thier guns while on horseback, get off use their swords. Whats wrong with that?

I appreciate the comments realy do and thx for telling me what you think. I'm at school write now so I cant post the new version that I've been working on for a few days but when I get home at around 3:00 I'll reset the link to the new post. Thx alot and i really appreqacite it.
 
I will give you my honest opinion because I think it will help in the long run, so here we go:

1. the idea of 2 thieves abiding to some code is ridiculous.

people don't talk like that. people dont act like that. people don't fight like that.

Wow, I think saying it was ridiculous is a little harsh, actually I think the idea of a Code is quite realistic and interesting, especially for the 18th century as this script is set in. Even pirates had a code. There's nothing wrong with a Code, Hell there was even a movie called Honor Among Theieves with Charles Bronson- http://www.netflix.com/Movie/Honor_Among_Thieves/7774463?mqso=80020215&partid=Honor_Among_Thieves

I suppose movies like Lord of the Rings or Pirates of the Carribean are ridiculous because "people don't talk like that, people don't fight like that"? It's his story and unless he's trying to make a historically accurate movie, does it matter? Come on guy, you can give constructive criticism without being rude. Maybe the dialogue needs working on, but overall, I thought it was an interesting script, it's a first draft so it's ok to have a few mistakes, no one makes a perfect script on the first try. Personally, if you're going to continue that tone to fellow artists and film makers, then maybe this is the wrong forum for you, but that's between you and IndieTalk. This Forum is for members to collarborate and have their work viewed by fellow artists and professionals and to seek honest but respectful responses. I see you just joined this month. Welcome, but I suggest you look around at the different Threads and see how people talk and treat each other here. Your response was plain unprofessional and offered no value to Zeppelin. A normal respectful fellow artist would have at least offered alternatives or suggestions as Margo did.

Zeppelin- From one artist to another, keep up the good work and take the advice from the professionals, i've learned a lot from people who are much smarter and proficient than I on this Forum.
 
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Wow I dont know what this guys is talking about (you probally put up a new version) but this script reads pretty well. I'm with him though about the code and I'm glad you took it out. Fighting was good and the story is intriguing, why did they steal only the necklace, and for whom?

Keep us posted Zepplin cause you got a good story on on your hands with a hell of a lot of potential so as long as you dont ruin this story like the new Indiana Jones movie, then you'll be alright.

Story is king and you've got youself one heck of a stry if you play it right.
 
I like how you changed it up a bit from the previous version. The dialogue already read smoothly but not it seems more realistic and what people abck then would talk., nicely done. I dont think you NEEDED t take out the creed/code but if you did its up to you.

So far so good, def. better than your first version but we need more story. Write a few more pages then get back to us. Peace
 
Hey thanks alot. Well bandannas themselves didn't exits but people would cover their faces with a cloth which looked like bandannas and acted one. Yea the 'smart-ass' was a msitake, long gone by now and I did fix up a few things.

Like 12hat92 said, there's a new version up which is a more polished and well rounded. Thx for all the comments.
 
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