watch In Pajamas

In Pajamas was filmed for the 2013 Colchester 48 hour film contest. We did not place for this film. I am looking for advice on how we could've improved the film. This can be script wise, cinematography, lighting or anything else you guys see wrong.

Requirements for contest:
Title: In Pajamas
Dialogue: It’ll be jammed up by now.
Action: Arm Wrestle someone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxbBJrM7hvw

Thanks,

Jeff Thompson
Producer, Director
ImRellikStudios

The death character looked ridiculous. Couldn't take it seriously but not funny either.

Lacked 'punch' in the story and didn't care about the main character.

Camerawork was poor, especially the part with excess movement. Doesn't work on a big screen. Wasn't sure if the out-of-focus, poorly exposed shots were supposed to be deliberate but they looked a result of poor camerawork, not deliberate artistic direction. Those really show up on a big screen - need to be more precise.

Couldn't see any editing tricks which would've added flavour / colour / emotion to the story.

Just needed to be stronger all-round.

Sound was good, though. Story structure was clearly in place, coloured correctly.