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15 year old needs screenwriting help! (BTW Grammar not the best.)

Hi I'm a 15 year old who dreams of being a great writer of films or TV or even both. But in order to do that I need to become a great writer so this is where I need your help, I have two scripts one is a short film for film class and other is a simple scene it is in totally only 10 pages and is a easy read but I want you all to judge it as I need criticism to learn what I need to expand and improve. Thank you all for reading this. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HYaRJjuRS4aDlUJIkahITL4tlm9XyuzGTqAedf-TZi0/edit https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sgj1q_mbaZA-zQvqceESgus-bEii9yqZ6PA1iXmgo6s/edit
 
If you want criticism, maybe your screenplay link shouldn't be so secure. If you want to be a great writer I think grammar is where you start first. Learn the structure of the English language then screenplay format or no one will take you serious.
 
You should invest in Celtx. It's free. It helps with adequately formatting your screenplay with dialogue, action, transitions, etc. It makes it easier for other screenwriters to read. I see no action sequences in your play. Second, a screenplay writes in the present tense, not the present participle and there's no "cut to" in a screenplay. How the camera does a shot is kept out of the screenplay and left for the creativity of the director. You can make jottings if you like in another document as a reminder.
 
Hi I'm a 15 year old who dreams of being a great writer of films or TV or even both. But in order to do that I need to become a great writer so this is where I need your help, I have two scripts one is a short film for film class and other is a simple scene it is in totally only 10 pages and is a easy read but I want you all to judge it as I need criticism to learn what I need to expand and improve.
Welcome to indietalk and welcome to screenwriting.

The first thing is to learn screenwriting format. It's specific and easy
to learn. It's time to read some screenplays to see what the proper
format looks like.

Once you learn the rules your fellow screenplay writers will be able
to offer feedback.

There are five main elements of a properly formatted script

Scene Heading/Slugline
Action
Character Name
Dialogue
Parenthetical


Sluglines or Scene Heading
Written in capitals and containing three pieces of information:
(1) Where; (2) Exactly where, and (3) when. (2) and (3) are
separated by a space or a dash, followed by another space.

(1) can be INT. (interior) or EXT. (exterior); (2) is a short
identification of the place; and (3) can be either DAY or NIGHT.

For example:

INT. AIRPORT - DAY

You can use more than one subject.

For example:

INT. AIRPORT - TICKET COUNTER - DAY
INT. AIRPORT/TICKET COUNTER - DAY

You need a new slugline each time you change the place, and/or
change the time.

Action, or Description
The screenplay’s visual elements, where we show what is taking
place on the screen. Character descriptions, what they are doing,
the places, and everything the audience will need to assimilate
visually. Don’t use capitals for sounds, props, visuals or emphasis.
But you will capitalize the name of each character the first time
you introduce them.

Character Name
In a properly formatted script the Character name is placed above
the dialogue, in caps appx. 25 spaces from the left margin; not centered

Dialogue
This is where you place everything the character says.

Parenthetical
Do not use parantheticals under the character name to show action. And
don’t use them to tell the actor how to read the line. Let the emotion
come from your script and dialogue. Try to avoid using them at all.
 
Glad to help.

As you work on proper format I suggest you get into the habit of NOT using "we".
Every reader of screenplays know that what you put on the page is something
"we" will see. In you next draft give it a try - see if you can present interesting
visuals without using "we see". Or any camera or editing cues. In this version
you need to use "CUT" because you don't use slug lines. An easy fix in the next
one.

I look forward to reading your next draft.
 
If you need help with formatting, check out KIT Scenarist. It's developed by a user on these forums, and doesn't require the internet to work like Celtx. It's also a much nicer interface and less buggy and bloated in my opinion. Oh yeah, it's FREE :)
 
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