Hello,
Okay so I want to start my short script with various montages and series of shots. In my head seems easy, on paper... errr, probably not for me.
This is what I am trying to do, explained in bullet point form and then below that is how I have structured it in my screenplay. The issue is the amount of pages it is taking, meaning I don't think I am being efficient enough. I mean it took me two and a half pages to write something that probably lasts a minute (if that). I also have another few years in the story to montage before heading to current time.
What I am trying to achieve:
- 2010 - Emma walks into speed dating location 1. She is greeted.
- Speed dating location 2 - Emma writes name on name tag and tags it.
- Speed Dating location 3 - Emma is seated as Robert approaches and sits down.
- Robert greets, location 2 Chris greets, location 1 James greets. (These characters are minor characters so in the script I haven't really given them a description)
- Robert introduces, location 2 Chris introduce, location 1 James introduce.
- Location 3 Robert lists what he likes, location 2 Chris talks about himself, back to location 3 for Robert's listing, location 1 James talks about himself, back to location three with Robert's continuing listing.
- CLOSE UP of sheet (It is a spec screenplay so I am not sure if it is allowed to show a close up just this once). Emma ticks the names of three guys.
- Emma is told individually on each location she has not been selected by anyone.
- Then we go 2011 (less montage scenes then 2010)
So above is what I am trying to achieve, below is what I have tried but the issue is the length it takes, is there a better way or is this the best I can do:
Thank you very much for your patience.
Okay so I want to start my short script with various montages and series of shots. In my head seems easy, on paper... errr, probably not for me.
This is what I am trying to do, explained in bullet point form and then below that is how I have structured it in my screenplay. The issue is the amount of pages it is taking, meaning I don't think I am being efficient enough. I mean it took me two and a half pages to write something that probably lasts a minute (if that). I also have another few years in the story to montage before heading to current time.
What I am trying to achieve:
- 2010 - Emma walks into speed dating location 1. She is greeted.
- Speed dating location 2 - Emma writes name on name tag and tags it.
- Speed Dating location 3 - Emma is seated as Robert approaches and sits down.
- Robert greets, location 2 Chris greets, location 1 James greets. (These characters are minor characters so in the script I haven't really given them a description)
- Robert introduces, location 2 Chris introduce, location 1 James introduce.
- Location 3 Robert lists what he likes, location 2 Chris talks about himself, back to location 3 for Robert's listing, location 1 James talks about himself, back to location three with Robert's continuing listing.
- CLOSE UP of sheet (It is a spec screenplay so I am not sure if it is allowed to show a close up just this once). Emma ticks the names of three guys.
- Emma is told individually on each location she has not been selected by anyone.
- Then we go 2011 (less montage scenes then 2010)
So above is what I am trying to achieve, below is what I have tried but the issue is the length it takes, is there a better way or is this the best I can do:
FADE IN:
MONTAGE OF VARIOUS SPEED DATING LOCATIONS:
A) YEAR - 2010:
INT. LOCATION 1 – NIGHT
EMMA (early 20s) dark hair, slender female enters the building. Female EMPLOYEE 1 (early 20s) greets her.
EMPLOYEE 1
Good evening. Are you here for the speed dating service?
EMMA
Yes.
INT. LOCATION 2 – NIGHT
Emma takes a nametag and writes her name before tagging it on her blouse.
INT. LOCATION 3 – NIGHT
Emma sits by a table. ROBERT (20s) approaches and takes a seat.
ROBERT
Hello.
INT. LOCATION 2 – NIGHT
CHRIS (30s) is seated.
CHRIS
Hello.
INT. LOCATION 1 – NIGHT
JAMES (20’s) is seated.
JAMES
Hello.
INT. LOCATION 3 – NIGHT
ROBERT
Name’s Robert.
INT. LOCATION 2 – NIGHT
CHRIS
Chris.
INT. LOCATION 1 – NIGHT
JAMES
James.
INT. LOCATION 3 – NIGHT
ROBERT
I’m into many things really. Sports, cars…
INT. LOCATION 2 – NIGHT
CHRIS
I just like to have a fun time. We’re not getting any younger so may as well enjoy ourselves whilst we still can.
INT. LOCATION 3 – NIGHT
ROBERT
Books, films, music…
INT. LOCATION 1 – NIGHT
JAMES
To be honest I’m a sensible type of guy. Not into things like drinking and going out that much. Prefer to stay at home and relax.
INT. LOCATION 3 – NIGHT
ROBERT
Cooking, cleaning, making love…
SERIES OF SHOTS (CLOSE UP OF SHEET):
- Emma ticks a box beside Robert’s name.
- Emma ticks box beside Chris’ name.
- Emma ticks box beside James’ name.
END SERIES OF SHOTS
INT. LOCATION 3 – NIGHT
Emma stands face to face with female EMPLOYEE 3, who views her clipboard.
EMPLOYEE 3
I’m sorry, no one has shown any interest.
INT. LOCATION 2 – NIGHT
Male EMPLOYEE 2 views his clipboard.
EMPLOYEE 2
Nope… no one.
INT. LOCATION 1 – NIGHT
EMPLOYEE 1 views her clipboard.
EMPLOYEE 1
I’m truly sorry but there aren't any matches.
EMMA
That’s a shame.
B) YEAR - 2011:
INT. LOCATION 1 – NIGHT
…
Thank you very much for your patience.
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