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How to write voice over mix with action?

M

mmkp1990

Hi,

I am trying to write a scene where a person is speaking over the action. I thought of breaking it up like below but is this actually correct to do or is it better to write the action first then the voice over or vice versa?


EXT. TANAKA ORPHANAGE, FRONT ENTRANCE – NIGHT

No action sound or dialogue in flashback except for voice over.

Akari opens the door in her nightgown and notices on the porch…

RYU (V.O.)
Keiko was abandoned here as a baby.

A sleeping baby Keiko wrapped around in a blanket.

RYU (V.O.)
Akari took her in and took special care of her, as she was just a baby.

Akari picks up the sleeping Keiko and takes her inside, closing the front door.

HARUTO (V.O.)
Wait a minute…
 
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Never use voiceover to describe what the viewer is seeing.

Code: 
INT.  RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Ryu sips a saki beside Haruto who picks at his food.

                       RYU
           So Akari never told you about Keiko?

Haruto glances over.

EXT. TANAKA ORPHANAGE, FRONT ENTRANCE – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Akari opens the door in her nightgown and notices on the porch…

A sleeping baby Keiko lies wrapped in a blanket.

Akari picks up the sleeping Keiko and takes her inside, closing the front door.

                      HARUTO (V.O.)
           Wait a minute…
The flashback scene is self-explanatory. It doesn't require a voiceover. If you do need a lead-in, use something that hasn't been said or seen. If this has been discussed elsewhere in the script, this flashback is extraneous.
 
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FantasySciFi said:
Never use voiceover to describe what the viewer is seeing.

Code: 
INT.  RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Ryu sips a saki beside Haruto who picks at his food.

                       RYU
           So Akari never told you about Keiko?

Haruto glances over.

EXT. TANAKA ORPHANAGE, FRONT ENTRANCE – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Akari opens the door in her nightgown and notices on the porch…

A sleeping baby Keiko lies wrapped in a blanket.

Akari picks up the sleeping Keiko and takes her inside, closing the front door.

                      HARUTO (V.O.)
           Wait a minute…
The flashback scene is self-explanatory. It doesn't require a voiceover. If you do need a lead-in, use something that hasn't been said or seen. If this has been discussed elsewhere in the script, this flashback is extraneous.
Click to expand...

Ok cool, another tip I learned from you FantasySciFi. I am assuming it is the director's discretion on what he wants to do with the flashback like adding a voice over if her feels like it needs one in the film. As writers we just give him a template to work with for this scene and show him the action that is happening?
 
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