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watch Is this a good Kickstarter Campaign video?

Ok, the video is fine. But 'fine' can be sort of damning when it comes to Kickstarter, so here are a few pointers I would give you (take them or leave them).

1) It's too po-faced. The opening segment and the voiceover is tough to engage with, because the script is taking the task very seriously and the voiceover is sort of monotone. I've said this in the past and I'll say it again: even if the film you want to make is bleak and brooding, the pitch video needs to have a levity and humour that sells you as filmmakers. After all, people are investing in the process and well as the product. I'd recommend opening with interviews of the brothers rather than the prologue you currently have. I'd also reshoot the interviews and make them feel a bit more upbeat and friendly, as well as less scripted.

2) I think you need to be a bit clearer about what you're asking for, from the off. I was pretty surprised when I realised you were fundraising to shoot a proof of concept to pitch to TV networks/VOD. I think that might put people off because you're laying out a product that there's only a slim chance of them ever seeing. There might be a better way of approaching this but, first off, I think you need to be clearer and bring that explanation earlier in the video. After that, I'd toy with rewording that to try and assure people that they're funding something that will be viewable, in some capacity, in the future.

3) I would scrap the bit about having 'written several episodes'. If I'm going to invest in your show I want to imagine that you have done all the necessary pre-production that can be completed before you receive the budget. And writing a season's worth of scripts is one of those things. Mentioning that you haven't completed the writing for the season instinctively makes me think that you're not ready to be asking for my money.

But above all, make it lighter. People won't sit through a 4 minute video if they feel like you're sermonising. There need to be some joke and some self-deprecation thrown in there: it doesn't have to be One Big Joke, just show people that they're dealing with real guys at the other end of the internet.

But, like I said, the pitch is fine and you have some great resources like the concept art, so demonstrate that it's a serious and viable project.
 
I'm not the kickstarter audience but just a few points:

- Why so serious, Batman?
- I, I, I, I, I... in the beginning - it's a turnoff for me.
- Why did you shoot it in the dark?
- Was surprised you were talking about a PoC at the end. That was a little left field.

But I'm not your typical kickstarter / indiegogo contributor so maybe I'm just talking nonsense.

And incidentally, good luck!
 
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I don't quite understand who you are pitching to.

Your fellow filmmaker all feel exactly as you do; “I wanna make
films”. So your introduction makes me ask, “So what's new?
What's unique? Why should I donate? I wanna make films and
I need money.” Every one of us has has put everything aside to
realize our dreams.

Is this for non filmmakers? Do you believe that non filmmakers
will connect to you two on a personal level and donate because
you are passionate? If so I have a question for you; would YOU
donate to a Kickstarter like this? Brothers giving up everything
to pursue their passion for opening a restaurant? Because they
tell you, “I wanna own a restaurant.”

Technically: I'm put off by the camera move. At first you are
talking to me. Then the camera moves and you both are now
talking to... who?

The pitch: I agree Nick and gorilla; it's so damn serious. I understand
that your project is very serious; dealing with hopelessness, people
stuck in fear and paranoia so I guess pitching this in a lighter more
energetic way may not fit with your overall mood. I'm turned off
by your statement, “We decided to focus on four characters instead
of society as a whole”. All apocalyptic stories focus on characters.
You make it seem as if your take is different.

I agree that the pitch is fine. It doesn't encourage me to donate. In
part because the final product seems like a downer and a “lesson”
which isn't something I want in TV entertainment. But that's just
personal. I'm sure there are a lot of people who want something
like this on TV.
 
The viewer thinks, even if (s)he doesn't think it:

"What is in it for me?"

The viewer needs to know:
"Why should I want to continue watching?"
"Why should I care about the project?"
"Why should I support it?"

Adding a personal story isn't a bad thing, but to start with it isn't always the best opening.
 
I think it might be too ambitious starting out. I would test the water with a short and see where it goes.
 
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