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"LAST WORDS" - Advice?

Forever Infinite Films

Forever Infinite Films

I've started my first original feature and I'm really excited about the idea. The premise is that two teens, Tyler and Madi, flee from their hometown after Madi murders Tyler's rapist. But after fleeing, they find that there are disgusting people where ever they go and take it upon themselves to kill them as well.

I have the first 9 pages drafted, up to the murder of the rapist.

I was wondering if anyone would be interested in reading it and telling me if it looks like I'm going in a good direction with this?

LAST WORDS

Thank you!
 
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It felt forced and unbelievable. While I agree that a guy can rape a guy, in this scenario it seemed unrealistic. There was nothing to suggest that Tyler was overtly gay or effeminate that might even prompt that kind of behavior from Nathan. Nothing about Nathan suggests a homosexual interest or homophobic anger/fear with Tyler. You would probably need some set up there. That Madi is such an overt slut was surprising since Madi is in an unrelated boy's house (Tyler's) and both are pre-HS grads. She seemed devoted to Tyler. He's devoted to studying and new clothes flips the switch?

In the script, just say TYLER and not BOY initially. Given the inherent problems, I found it unbelievable and would have flipped the channel to be blunt. If you choose to pursue it, you need to do more background development of your characters, even for a short. As it is, the characters and the scenario are unbelievable IMO. Good luck.
 
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Among the notes I PM'ed, if I am not mistaken, I think that the gifts of clothes were to signify his homosexuality? If so, I think that you should rewrite this and, as Fantasy says, provide more background to give the (reader) audience a better insight into what his preference is.
 
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