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Practice Perfect Pitching

PhantomScreenwriter

PhantomScreenwriter

This thread came from an idea I had about how to improve pitching a screenplay and I thought, "How about a thread where a sample pitch can be posted and then forum members can dissect the pitch, make suggestions and rewrite it", this way it could become a thread where experimentation can be done and thoughts can be expressed so writers can then take what has been learnt here and put it into practice with their actual screenplays.

Here is my sample pitch to start the ball rolling.

Sample Pitch:

A disabled man who cannot speak or walk struggles to live day to day. But this disabled man isn't as disabled as you may believe. You see, he has this alternate reality he can enter where anything he imagines is possible. But what happens when someone else can enter your alternate reality and become a threat? The disabled man in his alternate reality must find a way to stop an evil entity from destroying that reality, which would then kill the disabled man due to his connection to it. Will the disabled man succeed in stopping this menace or will he lose his life?

A story about courage and the limitless power of the imagination for those who may feel like they are powerless but who have great strength that lies within just waiting to be unleashed.

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Let the workshop begin!
 
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Get in an elevator, press the button for the 5th floor. Start your pitch. You will need have SOLD your pitch before the door opens on the 5th floor.

You can't sell (especially under pressure) the disability alternate reality story in that time. (Or can you?) Parking garages await you everywhere.
 
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Thanks Zensteve I thought so too ;) The pitch I posted is just one I cooked up for this thread, off the top of my head :)

GurrillaAngel I guess typing a pitch is pretty easy compared to pitching in front of potential backers ;)

What does everyone think about using examples of other films in your pitch, for example - I see "Runners and Gunners" as a combination of Chariots of Fire meets Goodfellas.
 
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We are all on and all over youtube right...

Maybe consider a pitch like a pre-roll ad on a youtube video... you have like 5 seconds before that little "Skip Ad" button comes up... If you can't get me in the first 5 seconds with a logline, I'll be on my way to what I actually was planning to do instead of listen to you
 
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Here's what I don't understand:

If I am a potential "backer" or someone who may possibly invest several millions of dollars in a two hour movie idea... why would I only allow myself 15 seconds to accurately form an opinion on a two hour project?

I wouldn't do the same with an automobile purchase, ...or a home purchase. Would you?

If I were a talent scout for rock music would I judge everyone's quality on the first fifteen notes of their song?

If I were trying to sell a painting to a gallery owner, would I pull the curtain back for fifteen seconds and then hide it again?

Crazy!
-Birdman
 
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By saying that the pitch was "sold" in 15 seconds doesn't mean that the person doing the pitch has a movie deal. It means that they've sold the premise enough to warrant more time presenting it. They would then most likely present a treatment for the film idea to the investor(s) and then an actual screenplay. When and how much you get paid for the story depends on the deal you make.
 
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LasVegasIRA said:
By saying that the pitch was "sold" in 15 seconds doesn't mean that the person doing the pitch has a movie deal. It means that they've sold the premise enough to warrant more time presenting it. They would then most likely present a treatment for the film idea to the investor(s) and then an actual screenplay. When and how much you get paid for the story depends on the deal you make.
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PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE

In California, an old man grieves the loss of his wife and on the next day he also dies. However, the space soldier Eros and her mate Tanna use an electric device to resurrect them both and the strong Inspector Clay that was murdered by the couple. Their intention is not to conquer Earth but to stop mankind from developing the powerful bomb "Solobonite" that would threaten the universe. When the population of Hollywood and Washington DC sees flying saucers on the sky, a colonel, a police lieutenant, a commercial pilot, his wife and a policeman try to stop the aliens.

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Well, Hell's Bells, folks! ...I'm ready to move this sucker up to the treatment level!

-Birdman

P.S. In my opinion, almost anything can be made to sound good in 15 seconds.
 
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^On a side note there's a group of independent filmmakers working on a remake of Plan 9 except they are going for a more serious take. James Rolfe aka Angry Video Game Nerd has a role in the film.

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I think that today there are so many competitors that the people who make the decisions have to make fast judgments and sometimes they only need a small window of time to make up their mind regardless of whether or not the rest of the pitch, if they heard the rest, was really good.

Which is part of the reason for this thread - to improve pitch creation skills in the writing stage of them before practicing for real and then officially going before an audience :)

I figure that taking out irrelevant words and getting to the meat of the pitch is important. So in the example I posted at the beginning perhaps I could alter it to something like this:

A physically disabled but mentally strong man has the ability to enter an alternate reality - anything he imagines is possible in this world. But his peace in this reality is shattered when an evil entity begins to destroy all he has created in it.

Now I have really shortened this down so in terms of length do you think this is better than before? Are there any words I should cut out or add to this? Does what I have here feel like there's more to the story which could be revealed after the initial segment is pitched and they are interested in hearing more? Or if it feels like there's more to the story does that mean that's a bad thing?
 
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PhantomScreenwriter said:
I think that today there are so many competitors that the people who make the decisions have to make fast judgments and sometimes they only need a small window of time to make up their mind regardless of whether or not the rest of the pitch, if they heard the rest, was really good.
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You are correct.

A producer will have several hundred writers a month wanting
their script to be made. They don't have the time to fully read
and consider each and every script. If a writer can get their
interest with a 15 second pitch then they will move forward.

As you point out, Phantom, where most writes fall short is pitching.
Part of the problem is too many writers have stories that are
too complicated for a 15 second pitch. I have been on the receiving
end at several "pitch fests" and I can tell you that a writer who
can grab my interest in 10/15 seconds is a rare thing. That's not
to say a complex story cannot be be pitched well; it can.
 
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From what I've read, a good way to start a pitch is with a reference to an existing great film. e.g. The pitch for the movie Speed could have been: Think Die Hard on a bus...

I actually have a screenplay about an undercover agent mixed up in a biker gang. I would pitch it as "One part Sons of Anarchy, one part Donnie Brasco..."

And you could always go back to the Bard... "It's Hamlet in a biker gang..."
 
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PhantomScreenwriter said:
I figure that taking out irrelevant words and getting to the meat of the pitch is important. So in the example I posted at the beginning perhaps I could alter it to something like this:

A physically disabled but mentally strong man has the ability to enter an alternate reality - anything he imagines is possible in this world. But his peace in this reality is shattered when an evil entity begins to destroy all he has created in it.

Now I have really shortened this down so in terms of length do you think this is better than before? Are there any words I should cut out or add to this? Does what I have here feel like there's more to the story which could be revealed after the initial segment is pitched and they are interested in hearing more? Or if it feels like there's more to the story does that mean that's a bad thing?
Click to expand...



(1) Yes. Shorter is better ...especially if you only get 15 frickin' seconds. You'll probably go back and forth a hundred times adding and subtracting until you find the right mixture and flow.


(2) You probably don't need to include the words "but mentally strong". The default assumption would be that he is perfectly fine mentally unless otherwise noted. This might free you up for using more descriptive words elsewhere?

Here's my version:

(3) "A bright, physically disabled man has the ability to enter an alternate reality where anything is possible. But his peaceful mindscape is shattered when an evil entity invades his paradise resulting in all-out intellectual war on a cerebral battlefield."

Good luck! Sounds like a great story that would allow YOU to use your unlimited imagination just as well!

BTW: Did you ever see the movie "Dreamscape"? Slightly similar, but far enough apart.

-Birdman
 
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