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critique my little script.
- Thread starter Future_Screen
- Start date
As I have told you before I think you have a unique style that is
quite good. This is good. English being your second language
there are some issues – but you write English much better than
I write German.
Let's talk a little more about format:
Try a version without using uppercase for props. It makes the
read easier. Try not to use parantheticals at all. Never use them
for action – use them only if you think the reader will not
understand what the character is saying.
For example: when Tina says, “Hey. Didn't you see it?” it is very
clear that she is angry. There is no need to write that in the
parenthetical. And when she asks, “Did you test it?” it is clear that
she is curious. Do not write that in the parenthetical.
Just give it a try. See if you can live with a script that is easier
on the reader. If you feel your story suffers without props in
capitals and the reader won't understand what the characters
are doing without the direction in parantheticals then put them
back in.
quite good. This is good. English being your second language
there are some issues – but you write English much better than
I write German.
Let's talk a little more about format:
Try a version without using uppercase for props. It makes the
read easier. Try not to use parantheticals at all. Never use them
for action – use them only if you think the reader will not
understand what the character is saying.
For example: when Tina says, “Hey. Didn't you see it?” it is very
clear that she is angry. There is no need to write that in the
parenthetical. And when she asks, “Did you test it?” it is clear that
she is curious. Do not write that in the parenthetical.
Just give it a try. See if you can live with a script that is easier
on the reader. If you feel your story suffers without props in
capitals and the reader won't understand what the characters
are doing without the direction in parantheticals then put them
back in.
Not bad.
Perhaps let the 2 play whit the portal gun a bit before the dude jumps into the loop. Other than that... I think that you can write a screenplay.
Perhaps let the 2 play whit the portal gun a bit before the dude jumps into the loop. Other than that... I think that you can write a screenplay.
This is just me, but I always like a little exposition. I'd like to know more about about the characters, the type of person they are, and I'd like to display what exactly the gun is capable of doing, hinting at whats going to happen in the future. Like, how the male character came to order or seek the gun out. What are the characters professions? relationship together? I feel, exposition & backstory makes their behavior make a lot more sense.