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Old 02-08-2012, 04:02 AM   #1
wheatgrinder
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indiegogo pitch feedback

Hey you all.

here is my indigogo pitch. Let me know your opinion.

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Old 02-08-2012, 05:15 AM   #2
josh-ozirigpro
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I really like the dialogue that you've gone with.

BUT I think you need to sound more sure of yourself to really sell it.
Case in point, the pauses at 0:14, 0:16, 0:19, 0:24 etc. make it sound like you're dropping a line.

I'm not sure if you have to have the pitch a certain length, but I reckon you should cut at 0:45 and then go straight on from 0:48.

Apart from that, it sounds pretty darn interesting.
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Old 02-08-2012, 05:18 AM   #3
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Just off out, but will check it out once I'm home.
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Old 02-08-2012, 06:52 AM   #4
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I agree with what Josh says.

I think your greatest charm is your quirky sense of humour. It feels, in that video, like you're holding yourself back a little bit which I don't think is something you need to do with a crowd funding pitch. I'd recommend recording a fun, slightly silly version (a la your secret santa films) and see whether that works. It might not at all but I have a sneaky suspicion that it would
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Old 02-08-2012, 07:13 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NickClapper View Post
It feels, in that video, like you're holding yourself back a little bit
I couldn't put my finger on it before but I think Nick's right on the money with this one.
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Old 02-08-2012, 08:32 AM   #6
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Other's have said it, I'll say it a little different, in the most sincere way I can. You look uncomfortable.

I've never been much for on camera talent either, but having someone on set that can make you laugh right before a take will probably go a long way. Deep breath, shake it out, then aim for over-confidence.

Music would help a little too. Good luck Wheat! When it launches I'll kick in a little
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Old 02-08-2012, 08:34 AM   #7
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Oh! And you might include "cinematographer" when you talk about Power Up. It was such a visually enticing piece, that may help sell it letting people know that you crafted those images.
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Old 02-08-2012, 09:26 AM   #8
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Fantastic starting off point.

Do it again standing up.
Sitting down you're too comfortable which adversely affects your performance.
And you are performing. Just like a monkey - I mean salesman! Salesman!
Think of politician's debating at their podiums. Salesmen. ("No! Politicians are performing monkeys"!)
Listen to some Zig Ziglar.
http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...50l231l1.1l2l0

You'll benefit from both scripting this thing out, perform it in your place of choice until your mouth has an uncharacteristically dry feel to it, then record it about four or five times.
You're not going to be any better at being an actor than an actor is going to be at being a director/producer - without the same amount of practice, Practice, PRACTICE! until your delivery of the material sounds honest and sincere.

Watch (and obsess and be overly self conscious!) of those transient "pleading lines" across your forehead. Watch when they come and go and come again.
Get your material down pat so that those pleading lines go away.
Seduce me!
Make me feel like I WANT to get in bed with the project, so to speak.
Not pity support the project.

@ 0:22 emphasize FAMILY car... leaving her to drive HIS hot rod to drive the kids about town.

Personal taste perhaps, but I prefer the cross-fade edits to the fade to black fade in edits.

Are you going to put some sort of graphic up in that big empty space in the screen's upper right quarter?
If not consider placing your left face side juuust at the center line and use a lighter background, maybe even try to record this outside at one of the planned locations for HOT ROD.
(On a thinly overcast day... of course! )
And if you wanna get really fun with it, if you have reasonable access to the subject hot rod itself consider including it in the scene - but not sitting down in it! Or even on it, like such as sitting/leaning on the hood. Noooo.
Standing up. Touching it. Showcasing it. Making it a character. On location.

GL & GB!

And you have nice hair, BTW.

Last edited by rayw; 02-08-2012 at 09:55 AM.
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Old 02-08-2012, 10:56 AM   #9
wheatgrinder
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Thanks all!

ray, my hair has always been my best feature ... see


Good ideas all around. This was scripted, and it is the longest monologue performance of my acting career! Acting is hard!

I did many takes, even ones standing up, this was the best so far. With ya'lls insights and after watching it 100 times, I think I can do much better. The script is (outside of the story description) is kinda flat.. I need to get down with my quirky self.

Maybe since it is politics season here in the US I should do a mock campaign ad?

I probably wont shoot in a different location, though I see the reasoning, I'm more interested in getting it done. And what with work and weather, knocking a take out in the basement at midnight is about the best I can do this week.
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Old 02-08-2012, 11:08 AM   #10
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Mock Campaign Ad sounds like a really good creative idea. The funnier the better, in my opinion.

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Old 02-08-2012, 11:20 AM   #11
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LOL! You still got it!
Yeah, soon as I got out of the USNavy I did the long hair thing for a decade or so.

Those monologues are a b!tch.
Doing them for a V.O. is one thing.
Doing them on film - whollllle other critter.

Don't do the campaign approach (I know you were kinda joking, just sayin').
It's a distraction from your goal: Contribute to your/my campaign.
You don't want people remembering your spot as a spoof and then dismiss it as such, forgetting there was an actual broader purpose.

Understood about the time & location.
I still think it'd add a lot of "value" to your campaign to go the extra mile going outside, on location, and with the car, PITA that it would surely be.

Cr@p.
http://www.weather.com/weather/tenday/USOR0275
What a variety.
Howzure Saturday looking?

Last edited by rayw; 02-08-2012 at 11:59 AM.
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Old 02-08-2012, 11:54 AM   #12
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Good start, Wheat, but it felt a bit light on content and substance regarding the film you want to make. "Watch this film I already made and help me make another one."

How about shooting it with you behind the wheel of the Hot Rod? Driving around to some of the locations you plan on using? Maybe that would make you feel more comfortable talking to the camera. Maybe make it like a fun travel video, touring the area you live in, since you'll be shooting it in that area.

If the movie is called Hot Rod I want to SEE the hot rod. This might help inspire more people to throw down their money on this project.

Bring in the car and go vroom, vroom, baby! * and yeah, crank up the music!
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Old 02-08-2012, 11:59 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rayw View Post
Don't do the campaign approach (I know you were kinda joking, just sayin').
It's a distraction from your goal: Contribute to your/my campaign.
You don't want people remembering your spot as a spoof and then dismiss it as such, forgetting there was an actual broader purpose.
I don't think this is true at all. Some of the best pitches that I've seen (on projects that have met and exceeded their goal) have been deliberately twee or funny. I remember a really good one where she started singing and the thing turned into a music video and the film I worked on in Canada devolved into the entire cast beatboxing.

I think one of the most important things to realise with a crowd funding pitch is that if you're likeable and memorable you're half way there. People don't tend to donate big bags of cash so if they like the cut of your jib or you make them laugh at work then they'll get behind you.
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:10 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NickClapper View Post
Some of the best pitches that I've seen... have been deliberately twee or funny.

I think one of the most important things to realise with a crowd funding pitch is that if you're likeable and memorable you're half way there. People don't tend to donate big bags of cash so if they like the cut of your jib or you make them laugh at work then they'll get behind you.
Agreed 100%.
Just keep the humor on task.

A parody or satire of politics to sell a dramedy doesn't geehaw.

How do you market a dramedy using humor is the approach to explore.
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:13 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rayw View Post
Agreed 100%.
Just keep the humor on task.

A parody or satire of politics to sell a dramedy doesn't geehaw.

How do you market a dramedy using humor is the approach to explore.
A socio-economic dramedy about trying to maintain a hot rod in the middle of a recession could, in my opinion, definitely work as a political or public service ad.

Having been privy to the script ( ) it's definitely a feel good take on a family's own financial crisis- I don't think it, necessarily, needs to be treated with a totally straight face.

I actually really like Jeff's idea of doing the pitch whilst driving around in the car. Can't you just mount it to the dashboard and then just drive and talk? Would be fun.
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