Looking for feedback on short script

dahwws said:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-RpDurpIrZgN2d3M3BjcTd4ZUE/edit?usp=sharing

Logline: Professor Maddox is the leader of Project AIDEN, which built the first computer with artificial intelligence. But AIDEN starts learning too much too quickly, and Maddox's superiors want the project shut down, so Maddox and AIDEN fight to keep the project afloat.

I wrote the whole thing in a bit over five hours in one session, so when I was done my brain was a bit fried and I found it hard to come up with a good logline. Anyway, let me know what you think.

Click to expand...

It looks like it will be fun to film, but it clearly has very little to do with actual AI - for example, I'm not sure why the scientists are surprised that Aiden performs well on IQ tests, seeing as those sorts of problems are generally logic-based, which is exactly what even basic AI tends to excel at. And I'm glad you addressed the basic problem of this kind of story which is: why not just unplug the thing? Your solution doesn't make a lot of sense, even within the story's internal logic (assuming this is actually some sort of sci-fi, rather than a straightforward magical fantasy), but at least you addressed it!

You had a good start, but I feel it fell off at the end. The ending felt forced. Nothing you built lead me to believe that Aiden would voluntarily shut himself down. My advice: Develop the relationship between Maddox and Aiden a lot more.