Feedback on my first script

It reads like one of those "hangout" sitcoms that are so popular these days. The characters all merge into one with their quickwitted back-and-forth wisecracking and constant pop-culture references. That said, there are a few good lines in there, and I did laugh out loud once while reading, so that's a positive. The plot? There isn't one, really, just like the aforementioned hangout sitcoms. There's no conflict or drama, just wisecrack after wisecrack, and even when Chris goes too far for any reasonable person, it has no consequences.

Concentrate more on who the characters are and what they want, make them distinct in their attitudes and motivations, and work out what the story you want to tell actually is, rather than how many gags you can stuff in.

Also, download some free software to format the script properly!

Thanks for the input. I have already purchased a program called Fade In from the Apple App Store. As to the script itself, it started off as a movie and then I got to the point where I didn't know where to go and thought about making a sitcom on the premise of a group of friends who meet once a week on Tuesday night to hang out and talk, so you are spot on with it being a "hangout" sitcom.

Could you please tell me where you think that Chris has gone too far? He is supposed to be a person who, while actually quite smart, isn't as smart as he thinks he is.

There is no problem with a character who thinks he's smarter than he is, but then when he demonstrates this lack of smarts, there should be consequences. Making a rape joke to a complete stranger would be beyond unacceptable for most normal people (how does he know she's not a recovering victim of rape? etc etc), and yet the whole thing is laughed off. So if a misstep like that has no weight , then this bunch of characters must be so emotionally dead that there is no point watching them interact. You may as well just buy a joke book. It's a universe that consists of setups and zingers, and not much else.

Seemed to be one long, dreary conversation. Found nothing funny. Maybe its a cultural thing, but it seems little different to all those crappy American unfunny comedies like "Friends". Seems pretty talentless.

Additionally, it is riddled with...

- Missing commas.
- Spelling errors like thru
- People calling each other idiot.
- Lousy layout.

If you want to see comedy writing at its absolute peak, you should go and watch "One Foot In The Grave" Just about every episode is an utter masterclass on screenwriting and comedy writing. It was easily England's top comedy show for years and is utterly, utterly jaw-dropping.

There's 250,000 screenplays dropping through letter boaxes all over Beverly Hills each year with a heavy percentage being just like a rebranded "Friends" Unless you are a studio chief's offspring or you are sleeping wiht the right person, trying to get your own version of "Friends" to be made will be like trying to push a Foden truck up the north side of Mount Everest with a bent spoon.