Question about short story length and scene from short

Trackrabbit21 · Apr 13, 2016

Not sure if anyone else goes through this, but I had a timeframe that I wanted a short to be, but as I started writing, it seems like the development of the story took over the length of the screenplay. Is this normal? I don't have any producers, or anything that wants a limited amount of pages but I figured for time and budget sake, I wanted to keep it short, but I'm pretty engaged in the story now to make it 10 minutes only. Wanted to get some insight. I've left a scene that I just finished writing for anyone who wants to take a look.

EXT. DANA'S FRONT PORCH

Dana leans up against the small fence looking out into her neighborhood. Her car parked in the driveway shining in all it's glory.

Dana's front door opens and a man walks out. Tall early 30s, with a 5 o'clock shadow. He holds two tea cups in his hand. Dana turns around to look at him as he motions for her to come take a seat with him.

Dana walks over, grabs one of the cups from his hand and sits wit him.

DANA
(sigh)
I lost him Jake.

JAKE
You didn't *lose* him D. It's just part of the aging process. He's been sick for a while.

DANA
(desperate)
But why is it just me? Why does he remember *everyone* else, but me. It's frustrating. *Everyone* else.

Jake puts down his cup of tea and leans forward in his chair. He lets out a sigh.

JAKE
He was pretty upset when you left AU-

DANA
Yeah but that's no reason to forget someone. COMPLETELY.

Dana's frustration starts to build.

DANA
I mean, I wanted to show him what I did. Look at this. The house, the car. Jake, you know we used to build cars in the garage forever. And that,

She points to her car.

DANA
(smirks)

That was one of our favorites.

JAKE
A Tesla. Really. Can't see your pops into electric junk like that.

DANA
It's not junk!

Dana chuckles and takes a sip of her tea.

DANA
He was into Japanese cars. A lot. There was one that we built. Well, almost finished building. It took us forever to get it even running. And then all of a sudden he gave up. Cold turkey. But that was his pride and joy.

Dana's eyes glaze over looking out into the neighborhood as she sees a father and daughter driving past with the daughter in the driver's seat.

DANA
(slowly)

We spent so much time together working on it.

The father and daughter are laughing as the daughter is getting the hang of it. Dana begins to contemplate.

JAKE
It's a shame he doesn't remember those moments. I'm sorry D.

DANA
I've got it.

INT. DANA'S ROOM DAY

Dana frantically looks through her bottom draw moving papers and envelopes. Jake enters, leaning against the door sill.

Dana pulls out a slip of paper and examines it.

DANA
This is it.

Dana stands up and looks to Jake still holding the paper.

DANA
The title. The title to my dad's old car.

Jake looks blankly at Dana awaiting further instruction.

DANA
(enthusiastically desperate)
I want to get the car back.

JAKE
For what?

DANA
For him. For us. This is was brought us together. There's no way he can forget about this.

JAKE
Dana.

Jake inches closer to Dana.

JAKE(sighs)

If he can't even remember you; what makes you think this'll work?

DANA
No. You don't understand. Like. He *worked* on this car for so long. We're talking *years* with me. Years.

JAKE
And then he got rid of it.

Dana pauses, looks down at the paper.

DANA
I don't know. He lost interest, he needed the money. I can't remember, but I know he won't forget it.

JAKE
This'll be a lot of work for nothing D I'm telling you now.

Dana leaves the room.

DANA
It'll work. At least I have to try at least.

Alcove Audio · Apr 14, 2016

I didn't bother to read it - I'm not a writer, I'm an audio guy, so I'm not really qualified to comment.

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it." - Michelangelo

When you're being creative it's better to just let it "happen." Things have a life of their own and it's better to let them grow; you can strip away the excess later. You're, in essence, creating your own stone.

Trackrabbit21 · Apr 14, 2016

Alcove Audio said:
I didn't bother to read it - I'm not a writer, I'm an audio guy, so I'm not really qualified to comment.

"Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it." - Michelangelo

When you're being creative it's better to just let it "happen." Things have a life of their own and it's better to let them grow; you can strip away the excess later. You're, in essence, creating your own stone.

No worries, it was simply an addition to my first request, which you've answered beautiful. I appreciate the quote and explanation, and definitely agree. Thanks!!

FantasySciFi · Apr 15, 2016

Trackrabbit21 said:
Not sure if anyone else goes through this, but I had a timeframe that I wanted a short to be, but as I started writing, it seems like the development of the story took over the length of the screenplay. Is this normal? I don't have any producers, or anything that wants a limited amount of pages but I figured for time and budget sake, I wanted to keep it short, but I'm pretty engaged in the story now to make it 10 minutes only. Wanted to get some insight. I've left a scene that I just finished writing for anyone who wants to take a look.

When you use industry standard formatting, each page is roughly one minute of screen time. However, that is more a statistical truth. So the longer the script, the more accurate it becomes. However, a 10 minute short can range from 10-14 pages, most often about 12. I'm not about page counts but understanding the rough lengths can help. Typically Act 1 and 3 are each 20 % of the script. Act 2 is the remaining 60%. So given the 1:3:1 ratio, expect that your character and story premise introductions will be about 2-3 pages. The the other 6-9 pages are the bulk of your story. The last 2-3 pages should be your resolution.

In an ideal world, you write a story as long as you need. That's called a book. In screenwriting, you need to write tightly. For a full screenplay no more than 120 pages if you want someone else to produce your work. And preferably no more than 95-100 pages. If you're producing it yourself, you can be a verbose as you wish. While trimming seems good in theory, it can often be very difficult when you have scene and character dependencies. Laying out your storyline is often useful.

EXT. DANA'S FRONT PORCH

Dana leans up against the small fence looking out into her neighborhood. Her car parked in the driveway shining in all it's glory.

Dana's front door opens and a man walks out. Tall early 30s, with a 5 o'clock shadow. He holds two tea cups in his hand. Dana turns around to look at him as he motions for her to come take a seat with him.

Dana walks over, grabs one of the cups from his hand and sits wit him.

DANA
(sigh)
I lost him Jake.

JAKE
You didn't *lose* him D. It's just part of the aging process. He's been sick for a while.

DANA
(desperate)
But why is it just me? Why does he remember *everyone* else, but me. It's frustrating. *Everyone* else.
...

INT. DANA'S ROOM DAY

Dana frantically looks through her bottom draw moving papers and envelopes. Jake enters, leaning against the door sill.

Dana pulls out a slip of paper and examines it.

DANA
This is it.

Dana stands up and looks to Jake still holding the paper.

DANA
The title. The title to my dad's old car.

Jake looks blankly at Dana awaiting further instruction.

DANA
(enthusiastically desperate)
I want to get the car back.

...

JAKE
And then he got rid of it.

Dana pauses, looks down at the paper.

DANA
I don't know. He lost interest, he needed the money. I can't remember, but I know he won't forget it.
...

You can do without the asterisks and parentheticals. It's okay the first time but it becomes a bit patronizing after that. You need to trust the actors and director to decide how best to deliver the lines. If you have someone else direct and act, this is just a blueprint and will be changed. Don't be too wed to your own words. Overall, I think you hit a nice balance of tone and description. Dana's dialogue is a bit wordy in that she repeats things and explains what the audience already sees so she's a bit on-the-nose.

Also, why would she have the title if her father sold it for money? The title goes to the new owner. I'm not trying to be negative. I don't think I'd start with this scene. It doesn't have a lot of energy. I think the story of her re-connecting with her father over an old car would be interesting. Good luck.

Trackrabbit21 · Apr 19, 2016

FantasySciFi said:
When you use industry standard formatting, each page is roughly one minute of screen time. However, that is more a statistical truth. So the longer the script, the more accurate it becomes. However, a 10 minute short can range from 10-14 pages, most often about 12. I'm not about page counts but understanding the rough lengths can help. Typically Act 1 and 3 are each 20 % of the script. Act 2 is the remaining 60%. So given the 1:3:1 ratio, expect that your character and story premise introductions will be about 2-3 pages. The the other 6-9 pages are the bulk of your story. The last 2-3 pages should be your resolution.

In an ideal world, you write a story as long as you need. That's called a book. In screenwriting, you need to write tightly. For a full screenplay no more than 120 pages if you want someone else to produce your work. And preferably no more than 95-100 pages. If you're producing it yourself, you can be a verbose as you wish. While trimming seems good in theory, it can often be very difficult when you have scene and character dependencies. Laying out your storyline is often useful.

You can do without the asterisks and parentheticals. It's okay the first time but it becomes a bit patronizing after that. You need to trust the actors and director to decide how best to deliver the lines. If you have someone else direct and act, this is just a blueprint and will be changed. Don't be too wed to your own words. Overall, I think you hit a nice balance of tone and description. Dana's dialogue is a bit wordy in that she repeats things and explains what the audience already sees so she's a bit on-the-nose.

Also, why would she have the title if her father sold it for money? The title goes to the new owner. I'm not trying to be negative. I don't think I'd start with this scene. It doesn't have a lot of energy. I think the story of her re-connecting with her father over an old car would be interesting. Good luck.

Yeah, I laid the storyline out but ideas kept rolling in, it seems like it's going to be longer than I anticipated, but as you've said there are scenes and character depenencies. As far as the title goes, I mean't to have the sheet be the bill of sale. You've made an excellent point that I forgot to correct, and yeah still thinking of if I want the intro to be a flashback of when her father used to race to get the attention of the viewers. Appreciate the comments!