watch Spec Piece - Advice wanted

Hi all,

My brother and I recently finished up a quick spec piece using storyboards. The piece is a scene in a larger TV series we are going to be pitching soon.

I wanted to get your guys feedback on it and see what you think.

To give some backstory, the TV series is Science Fiction series that follows 4 characters through the end of space and time. A mysterious "void" appears in the deepest reaches of space. It gets larger everyday and scientists come out and inform the world that the void is in fact "deleting" the universe and in 6 weeks, it will reach earth.

This particular scene is during the official announcement of that fact by the world's leaders.

https://youtu.be/uMyHsCmp73E


We plan to use this piece to pitch to producers to help them visualize the style/tone of the series.

Let me know what you guys think! Your opinions and feedback is very valuable!

Thanks!

Good concept. The images are terrific. I'd try to edit the opening a bit more - get it as strong as you possibly can.

The SUPER and the reader saying what the viewer sees aren't optimal. Now the first impression is not the best possible. Further on I got less distracted. Work, work work.

Good concept and I like it. The artwork is good and does the job...but how about putting
some text with each frame so that we know what's going on...as if it was a comic book??
The folks looking at your work on you tube don't have a clue what the artwork is all about
without some sort of explanation.

Too much telling, not enough showing. I do it too often myself and every time I do, I regret it.

Good luck with the pitch.

Frank, open and transparent as you're going into a pitch. And good luck, hope it goes well. Just my impressions:

Couple of comments about what I felt:

Negatives:

Beginning: Wasn't impressive. When I was watching it, I was thinking, 'pfffft, Ok, so what.'
The stuff after the premise (not including the absolute end): Felt it to be a little dull and thinking, 'OK, I get it, so what?'

Positives:

Great premise. The premise and the bit right at the end were the parts that made me sit up and look. Everything else was dull and frankly, went on for a bit too long. For me, it took the edge of the excitement.

If I wear my film makers hat, I'm not experienced enough to give hints and tips so I won't. However, I wanted to give you my 'feel.'