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Old 06-29-2014, 06:15 PM   #1
Jardoss
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Question First episode of CLOWNE is online!

Hey fellow film lovers,
After months of hard work, a car-crash and a couple of run-ins with the local police, we’ve finally completed our black comedy TV-pilot; CLOWNE.

Last October, we (a group of 18/19-year olds) started working on a little project. All we had was $13 000, a camera, some good-will and an idea that we thought had potential to become something bigger: The story of a man who has to spend his comunity service as a Clown.

You can find the pilot here:

The production was not entirely...well, sucessful. A lot of things went wrong: as mentioned, we crashed a car on the first day of shooting, we lost some actors and locations in the middle of filming, and… yeah we had some run-ins with the police (*cough*). And for a while, it felt like it wasn’t gonna work. But now we’re here. CLOWNE is done, and we’re pretty happy with the results.

After a small detour to the big-screen , we’ve finally decided to release the first episode online, in it’s entirety, and we are VERY interested in hearing your thoughts and opinions on it, some general feedback, criticism, and if you believe we could make it all the way to our dream: Netflix.

We’ve already had some sucess with our earlier projects (Everywhen, out now on DVD and BluRay in over 50 countries), but we really want this thing to work, so we were hoping you could put aside a moment to watch the pilot, and give us a couple of words of encouragement, or hate, if that’s more your style, haha We’re seeking critisism, but also (of course) appreciate kind words.

Looking forward to hearing from all of you! Would you like to see an episode 2?

Best,
Jarand Breian Herdal

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Old 06-29-2014, 07:40 PM   #2
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Great work!

Especially liked the cinematography, the score and the production design. Overall, the style was neat. In alot of ways it reminded me of Skins (a stylized serialized single camera comedy that used a lot of overt music).

IMHO the writing was good, but it could have used another pass to at least polish up some of the dialogue.

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if you believe we could make it all the way to our dream: Netflix.
I think it's of high enough quality to be on Netflix, but I don't think they would produce it themselves.

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Would you like to see an episode 2?
Yes!

Last edited by AnonWriter; 06-29-2014 at 07:46 PM.
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Old 06-29-2014, 07:40 PM   #3
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Hey fellow film lovers,
we lost some actors and locations in the middle of filming, and… yeah we had some run-ins with the police (*cough*).
I hope you remember where you buried the bodies...

I've been looking forward to seeing this since you first posted about it. I'll give it a look when I get a spare minute

Is the full series complete, or do you still just have the pilot?

Last edited by maz; 06-29-2014 at 07:44 PM.
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Old 06-29-2014, 07:55 PM   #4
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I really enjoyed it - nice job. I think Anon is right on the money, though - The part that could use a bit of polishing up is the dialogue - some of it feels contrived. I believe we actually discussed that part of it when you presented us with the trailer awhile back. If I remember correct, a couple of us thought lines like "F*** that employer!" felt forced, and would have flowed much better switching out 'employer' with 'my boss' or something like that.

I thought there were a couple instances of that - dialogue that pulled me out of the characters because it felt a bit awkward in the conversation.

On another note, I felt a bit confused by Gary as a character. Your opening scene sets him as a patsy, but throughout the episode, he doesn't seem to exhibit any of the wonderful qualities that made the investigator question why he was jailed in the first place. I think a lot of character development needs to happen for a viewer to understand why he's essentially, 'gone rogue.'

The cinematography and lighting were your strongest pieces of the project, keep that up!

As Anon mentioned, I think it's certainly good enough to be distributed on Netflix, and I think that is an easily feasible goal. I'd doubt if they'd take it under their wing and produce it, though.

Keep up the good work!
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Old 06-30-2014, 02:02 AM   #5
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Just a small point - am I missing something in the beginning? The woman says a 'non-existent criminal record', the man on the computer 'because of the crime you committed.../carried enough marijuana to...'. They seem to conflict..?
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Old 06-30-2014, 12:12 PM   #6
Jardoss
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonWriter View Post
Great work!

Especially liked the cinematography, the score and the production design. Overall, the style was neat. In alot of ways it reminded me of Skins (a stylized serialized single camera comedy that used a lot of overt music).

IMHO the writing was good, but it could have used another pass to at least polish up some of the dialogue.

I think it's of high enough quality to be on Netflix, but I don't think they would produce it themselves.

Yes!
Thanks a lot, man! I agree with you, the writing is sadly the weakest part of the pilot (which should have been the strongest). I've heard great things about Skins, never seen it myself, so I'll take that as a very nice compliment. Thank you!

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Originally Posted by maz View Post
I hope you remember where you buried the bodies...

I've been looking forward to seeing this since you first posted about it. I'll give it a look when I get a spare minute

Is the full series complete, or do you still just have the pilot?
Haha, the problem is that we don't! We're hoping to persuade the police with this pilot, so wish us luck! Let me know how you like it!

So far, the pilot is the only episode we've made. Hoping to get some attention to Vimeo, so that we can use showcase some appealing numbers to studios and producers in Los Angeles this fall.

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Originally Posted by Beatlesfan1225 View Post
I really enjoyed it - nice job. I think Anon is right on the money, though - The part that could use a bit of polishing up is the dialogue - some of it feels contrived. I believe we actually discussed that part of it when you presented us with the trailer awhile back. If I remember correct, a couple of us thought lines like "F*** that employer!" felt forced, and would have flowed much better switching out 'employer' with 'my boss' or something like that.

I thought there were a couple instances of that - dialogue that pulled me out of the characters because it felt a bit awkward in the conversation.

On another note, I felt a bit confused by Gary as a character. Your opening scene sets him as a patsy, but throughout the episode, he doesn't seem to exhibit any of the wonderful qualities that made the investigator question why he was jailed in the first place. I think a lot of character development needs to happen for a viewer to understand why he's essentially, 'gone rogue.'

The cinematography and lighting were your strongest pieces of the project, keep that up!

As Anon mentioned, I think it's certainly good enough to be distributed on Netflix, and I think that is an easily feasible goal. I'd doubt if they'd take it under their wing and produce it, though.

Keep up the good work!
Thanks a lot, Beatlesfan! Glad you enjoyed it !
You're right, of course, the writing should have gone through another pass. There's a few thngs here and there that just clear up AFTER you've shot it, so we're still learning, haha!

Appreciate your comments on the cinematography. I don't know if you noticed, but we tried to play it really "normal" until Gary got into his costume, where the colors and lights went total bananas. We tried to set the mood to some sort of circus/play, which I hope contributed to the bizarre settings, haha.

We've talked to Netflix actually, who says it's not entirely their kind of show to produce, but that the chances of putting up there are actually very likely. So we'll see if an entire season comes out, wish us luck! :-)

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Originally Posted by RyiGarry View Post
Just a small point - am I missing something in the beginning? The woman says a 'non-existent criminal record', the man on the computer 'because of the crime you committed.../carried enough marijuana to...'. They seem to conflict..?
Very well spotted, I get your point. However, when writing, the thought was that it didn't make sense for him to be caught with that much pot on him, since his previous criminal record was non-existent, and that he seemed like such a nice guy. "How could he do such a thing?" was what I tried to get across.


Appreciate the kind words and interest in the pilot! Again, thanks!
-Jarand
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Old 06-30-2014, 02:56 PM   #7
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Looks good
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Old 06-30-2014, 03:03 PM   #8
RyiGarry
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Very well spotted, I get your point. However, when writing, the thought was that it didn't make sense for him to be caught with that much pot on him, since his previous criminal record was non-existent, and that he seemed like such a nice guy. "How could he do such a thing?" was what I tried to get across.
Perhaps a line like "no prior criminal record" - 'non-existent' threw up too many questions which it doesn't sound like you intended to raise.

Last edited by RyiGarry; 06-30-2014 at 03:14 PM.
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Old 06-30-2014, 05:48 PM   #9
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Lovely!Concur with all of the above RE:script but the concept is great and its very pretty. What was this shot on?
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Old 07-01-2014, 05:13 AM   #10
Jardoss
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Perhaps a line like "no prior criminal record" - 'non-existent' threw up too many questions which it doesn't sound like you intended to raise.
Point taken! I'll bring this with me. Should do another pass on the screenplay for just dialogue next time :-)

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Lovely!Concur with all of the above RE:script but the concept is great and its very pretty. What was this shot on?
Thanks a lot! This was shot on RED One and RED Epic Would you like an episode 2?
-Jarand
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Old 07-01-2014, 06:04 AM   #11
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First of all congrats on finishing the film. I loved it. You are all very talented and you'll probably go really far .


Something that I don't like and I know it may sound weird but it's the way you present yourself. You say you're a group of 18-19 years olds that decided to do a ''little project'' yet you're aiming for NETFLIX with hopes of getting financing and possibly doing a whole show out of it which is not ''a little project''.

Outside the fact that you're young you have a budget and equipment that most of the people here would only dream of.

80 000$ worth of equipment ,full cast and crew and a budget of 13 000$ is something that I wouldn't particulary describe as "' a group of high school friends got a camera and shot a little movie " .

I hope I don't sound like a douchebag and again I really admire you and I think you're crazy talented.
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Old 07-01-2014, 07:21 AM   #12
Jardoss
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Originally Posted by Nikola Damov View Post
First of all congrats on finishing the film. I loved it. You are all very talented and you'll probably go really far .


Something that I don't like and I know it may sound weird but it's the way you present yourself. You say you're a group of 18-19 years olds that decided to do a ''little project'' yet you're aiming for NETFLIX with hopes of getting financing and possibly doing a whole show out of it which is not ''a little project''.

Outside the fact that you're young you have a budget and equipment that most of the people here would only dream of.

80 000$ worth of equipment ,full cast and crew and a budget of 13 000$ is something that I wouldn't particulary describe as "' a group of high school friends got a camera and shot a little movie " .

I hope I don't sound like a douchebag and again I really admire you and I think you're crazy talented.
I appreciate your kind words, and will make sure to pass it along to the crew!

I see your point, so allow me to explain: in Norway, this project was funded by two "teen cultural" funds for people under 20, that decided to help us out. We've also established a friendship with some studios which resulted in discounts on cameras, gear and other equipment. This is of course a little bigger than "a little project", but we'd rather stay humble and let the product speak for itself, rather than speak up about how big and important this is, making you guys feel a little bad if it's not your "cup of tea". Does that make any sense?

Of course, I understand your reaction; I guess we didn't realize how lucky we've been.

Best,
Jarand
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Old 07-01-2014, 07:34 AM   #13
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I can echo pretty much what everyone else is saying. I can tell you put a lot of time and hard work into this, and it looks fantastic. I don't think the dialogue is all that bad, but it probably could have used a little polish, mainly in the first scene. I look forward to what else you guys do in the future.
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Old 07-01-2014, 08:31 AM   #14
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I haven't watched the whole video, but it looks good.

You definitely have potential. But there's on thing - the opening sequence had Clowne appearing before a parole board, and the board adjudicator is never seen. How about having him appear with an attorney, who would then advise him on the conditions of his release? This way, both can act around a table, and the viewer can see both persons.
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Old 07-01-2014, 02:15 PM   #15
Jardoss
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I can echo pretty much what everyone else is saying. I can tell you put a lot of time and hard work into this, and it looks fantastic. I don't think the dialogue is all that bad, but it probably could have used a little polish, mainly in the first scene. I look forward to what else you guys do in the future.
Thank you so much, always nice to hear someone who appreciates the effort Another pass would probably just have made it even better. I'll make sure to keep Indietalk posted!
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