I'm currently writing a short thriller. I understand that early on is when people really decide whether or not they like a movie and stick around to see it through. I'm just looking for feed back on whether or not this opening scene seems interesting enough to grasp people attention.
any and all feed back is appreciated!
BATHROOM, ANYTIME
We see ALAN’s reflection in the mirror. He just got out of the shower. He’s shaving, brushing his teeth, and fixing his hair. We hear two voice overs during all of this.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Tell me everything you know about Alan Avery.
MACEY (V.O.)
He.. He was perfect. Charming... Handsome. He never said the wrong thing. I just... I cant believe I..
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
You’re not to blame here Ms. Turner. What about his past? Where is he from?
MACEY (V.O.)
... Is... he...
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Is he dead?
Alan smiles after he’s all set. Screen goes black.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Yes.
any and all feed back is appreciated!
BATHROOM, ANYTIME
We see ALAN’s reflection in the mirror. He just got out of the shower. He’s shaving, brushing his teeth, and fixing his hair. We hear two voice overs during all of this.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Tell me everything you know about Alan Avery.
MACEY (V.O.)
He.. He was perfect. Charming... Handsome. He never said the wrong thing. I just... I cant believe I..
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
You’re not to blame here Ms. Turner. What about his past? Where is he from?
MACEY (V.O.)
... Is... he...
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Is he dead?
Alan smiles after he’s all set. Screen goes black.
MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Yes.