watch First Commercial

I shot this in about 3 1/2 - 4 hours with a Canon 60D and Sigma 30mm lens. Let me know what you guys think and give me some tips and advice on what I should do next time. I have't gotten the motion graphics back yet to edit in.

https://vimeo.com/112440090

Thanks.

Link?

Sorry, it didn't show the first time. I edited it and reposted.

Looks decent.

The script isn't perfect.
Storywise the video itself starts mentioning insects at 0:29.
Before that it's:
- we care about our clients (as should every business: a Usual Selling Point)
- we customize our treatments (just like a lot of companies do, in whatever field of work)
- at no additional cost we can do an interior inspection (nice bonus, but to what?)
And after all that it becomes clear it is about bugs.

Without the context of the vimeo page (or their own webpage) it will take the audience over half of the time to more or less find out what it is about.
I guess the motion graphics might clear that up.

It looks nice, has a nice pace and tone of voice, but from a commercial point of view it doesn't tell the viewer why they should look or what they are looking at.

It's like the intro is missing.
People watch this and want to know: What's In It For Me?

I would use an opening like:
'It's not nice to have bugs living in your house...'
'It's nice to have company, but not when they are pests...'
(or something like that)
and follow that with:
by 0:44 "if it's inside it probably came from the outside. That's why we treat the outside"
0:34
"the most common way... at the base"
"detail... spiders"
"every house is different"
"interior inspection if desired"
then pay off.

So I would start differently, edit it mostly backwards and think about the pay off a bit longer, because now it is more like a question.

Most corporate stuff I make goes like:
- subject/problem
- why it is important/urgent
- what can help
- our solution
- more details (depending on length and desired depth of content)
- short roundup
- pay off

I hope I don't sound too harsh.
It's not like you made something terrible

Thanks for the feedback--I wrote down some of the things you said to fix next time when I do other corporate videos.

I didn't write the script, that was actually the owner of the company. I am looking for tips and pointers on the visual part mostly.

Ah, I understand.

With corporate stuff I don't really disconnect visuals from script, since they need to work together to reach the company's goal.

The good thing, btw, is that there is a call to action (call us).
Always have a call to action, otherwise the interested viewer 'doesn't know what to do'.

I would even suggest that you make a re-edit, even just for yourself, to see what I mean with the backward order. Ok, you won't have the opening I suggested, but you can look if it works and if it is better you can suggest this new version anyway.

It is important to give the client what (s)he wants, but nowadays I think you need to partner up with your client when it comes to them writing the script. They know their business, but not always the best way to put it in a video.

Okay, sounds good. I'll re-edit it and see how it comes together. Next time I'll work with the client on the script and take the advice you gave me to make it sound the best.

Thanks!

It's not just about sounding the best.
It's about making an effective video as possible for your clients.
This means the video needs to be compelling for the target audience. The audience need to know they want to watch it all and that is only possible if they recognize it's about 'them'.

Feel free to post the new edit in here as well
I'm curious how it will work out