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New concept!!

Comikkaze

Comikkaze

I am admittedly much more excited about this story than my last one. I hacent thrown that out... It's just on the shelf for now. What do you think of this?

Film idea: two adult brothers discuss the events from their past over the phone that got them where they were in life. One a middle class married man with 2 sons and a beautiful wife and one man a rich bachelor who is an exec of a company. They discuss who is happier with their life.*

Jason is married to his college sweetheart. He had to drop out of school to support his pregnant girlfriend.*
Justin is Jason's older brother who went to school for business and formed a successful online marketing company*

The film starts as Jason calls Justin asking for advice on his situation. His wife thinks she may be pregnant again and although money isn't a problem anymore, he isn't sure how to feel about his life anymore.*
Justin offers advice the best way he can having no kids and having never been married. He tells stories of how he first launched his site, Jason tells the story of how he met Charlene, Justin tells the story of when he got his first customer, Jason tells of when Charlene told him she was pregnant. Jason tells Justin how he felt when he got his first big paycheck and Jason relays how he felt when he proposed to Charlene.*
The two talk about problems with nearing bankruptcy and a rocky relationship. Justin got a few powerful clients through referrals and made a financial turnaround in a few months. Jason landed a decent job after completing online classes and his relationship repaired itself. Jason's wife got pregnant with their second son and things were much better. Justin celebrated his 1500th customer. Now on the cusp of Jason's third child and justin's first million dollars, Jason decides that he is content with his life and looks forward to his new child.*
 
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Sounds like a telephone conversation rather than a film.

I get that you can 'show' the flashbacks and all but what's the point? It all seems a little on the mundane side, like the sort of things that you would say if you were having a rambling phone call. Maybe that's what you're going for, I'm just not sure how you'll adapt this into a screenplay.
 
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It seems interesting. Maybe give Justin something that he's struggling with. Maybe you could open up with him struggling with his thing, then Jason's wife telling him she's pregnant. then from there you can either go back to Justin doing his thing when he gets a phone call or just have Jason call. From there, you might have to work out how you show the flashbacks of the stuff they'll be talking about on the phone. If you were to do this I'd suggest staying away from voice overs-just have them segue into their respective stories by some sort of triggers like maybe Jason says something that reminds Justin of his first sale, I would also start chronologically with each of their stories. Meeting his wife, first child etc. graduating business school, struggling to find a job, then becoming a marketing wiz. It can definitely be done, there is definitely conflict there, its more of a retrospective which is why it'll be important to make sure your transitions are smooth and not too overtly on the nose.

edit: chronologically doesn't have to be the go to time keeper, you could and possibly should jump back and forth. Might be fun to watch how they got where they are then how they started, then how they thought they wouldn't make it, another win, another struggle. I don't think chronological order of events is necessary especially if its almost entirely flash back. I also wouldn't end it on the phone. Maybe a dinner or some party where Justin tells the last bit of his story to Jason who then decides to enjoy the gift of a child. Maybe Justin regrets being a bachelor with no one to spend his money on, maybe he had a gf who got an abortion and he tells Jason that story. I dk its your piece just giving you jumping spots
 
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Jamster said:
What's the conflict?
Click to expand...

Jim just hit the nail on the head. The way you've described your idea, there's no central conflict that needs to be resolved. And that's why movies with these kind of themes tend to do some sort of play off of the "It's a Wonderful Life" structure.

Show dude stressed-out by family life. Dude wishes he'd made a different choice, to go for money, and professional life. Wish granted! Oops, should have been careful what he'd wished for, turns out he's lonely and sad, and estranged from his family in the alternate reality, in which he went for money. Returns magic goblet to wherever, or does whatever plot point calls for, and SHAZZAM, now he's back with his family. Enthusiastically hugs wife and child, acts like a new man, puts his negative ways in the past, everybody in audience wipes tears from their eyes.
 
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Gonzo_Entertainment said:
First impression...
Too much use of the word "talk" and not enough use of the word "show".
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The stories are going to be played out like a corny TV show clip episode... where they say I remember when *fade to scene* but it will be done better than that. I'm not gonna have them stand there and talk on the phone lol that would be insanely boring
 
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Cracker Funk said:
Jim just hit the nail on the head. The way you've described your idea, there's no central conflict that needs to be resolved. And that's why movies with these kind of themes tend to do some sort of play off of the "It's a Wonderful Life" structure.

Show dude stressed-out by family life. Dude wishes he'd made a different choice, to go for money, and professional life. Wish granted! Oops, should have been careful what he'd wished for, turns out he's lonely and sad, and estranged from his family in the alternate reality, in which he went for money. Returns magic goblet to wherever, or does whatever plot point calls for, and SHAZZAM, now he's back with his family. Enthusiastically hugs wife and child, acts like a new man, puts his negative ways in the past, everybody in audience wipes tears from their eyes.
Click to expand...

The conflict will be addressed... he's worried about how he will manage with another baby when his life is already too stressful. He doesn't like his life anymore.
 
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A little advice on “pitching” the project or concept - even here
on the forums.

You made the assumption that we would assume there is more to the
concept than you say there is. Poor assumption. After four replies
you tell us:
Comikkaze said:
I'm not gonna have them stand there and talk on the phone lol that would be insanely boring
Click to expand...
But your “pitch” is two brothers discussing their past over the
phone - you do not mention that these events will be played out
like a corny TV show.

Comikkaze said:
The conflict will be addressed... he's worried about how he will manage with another baby when his life is already too stressful. He doesn't like his life anymore.
Click to expand...
You have no conflict here. You have a concern; a worry, but no
conflict great enough to be a story told visually. Okay, his life
is too stressful, he doesn’t like life - both are internal
conflicts. What is going to do about his stress and his life?

Just reading what you have written (not what is in your head that
you have yet to reveal to us) he is going to talk about it. So is
that your concept? A guy with too much stress in his life about
another baby talking to his brother?

When you pitch a new concept do not forget to tell us the main
points of your concept. The “corny TV show clip episode” aspect
seems quite important to the concept - and you didn’t mention it
at all.
 
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Now if the brothers hook up in a bar - get into a fight and their worlds unravel/deterioates as the night goes as they struggle all over town with various characters/incidents until they come to the point where they aill KILL each-other BUT put there guns away and grow enough to fight together not against each other maybe... just maybe, you'll have something.

All the best, JIm.
 
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