I wrote this pretty quickly, but would greatly appreciate feedback. Thank you and hope you like the piece!
FADE IN:
INT. OFFICE WAITING ROOM - DAY
A young and serious-looking man named STEVEN BANNEKER sits in a reception area, confidently waiting to be seen for an interview. *He holds a portfolio and resume neatly tucked inside a clear plastic binder.
Next to him is another prospective employee; fat and reeking of low self-esteem. *He awkwardly glances over at Steven before looking away. ** **
SECRETARY
Steven Banneker?
STEVEN
Yes?
SECRETARY
He's ready to see you.
With haste, Steven stands up and walks toward the hiring manager's office.
STEVEN
Thank you.
cut to:
INT. HIRING MANAGER'S OFFICE - DAY
Steven walks into a very clean office and stops right in front of a chair, facing the window. Within moments it swivels around revealing VINCE WELLINGTON, a young corporate shark, patiently listening to someone on the phone while preoccupying both his hands in a game of CAT'S CRADLE. *He looks up at Steven with an almost zombie-like expression.
Steven appears surprised as he slowly makes his way to the chair in front of Vince's desk.
For a very long moment Vince continues to silently stare at Steven as he fiddles with the string while listening to someone on the other end of the line.
Steven awkwardly sits there, trying to avoid eye contact.
VINCE (calmly)
...Okay.
Vince quickly sits up and puts the string down before hanging up the phone.
VINCE(extends hand)
Vince Wellington. *Hiring manager. You got my card?
STEVEN (shakes hand)
Well, actually I found the job online.
VINCE
Take a couple, anyway. *These guys sent me way too many. *
Vince hands Steve a bunch of cards, which are completely covered by multiple pictures of his face.
VINCE
Give em to your friends or something.
STEVEN
Oh.
VINCE(sits back down)
They're pretty sick, right?
STEVEN(juggles handful of cards)
Well.
VINCE
So, you're here for the job. *First question. *How ya gonna blow me?
Vince suddenly bursts out in a long hysterical laughter; eyes tearing up; face red.
Steven sits there completely caught off guard, still with all the cards in his hands.
Vince can't stop laughing.
Steven begins to nervously laugh with him.**
VINCE(waves hand in air)
I can't. *I can't...Ohhhh..oh. *Oh my God. *Wow, that was fucking funny. *I'm not gay, though.
STEVEN(Drops cards on table)
I. *Never thought you were.
VINCE
Well, just so you know.
STEVEN
Okay.
VINCE
But seriously, tell me a little bit about yourself.
STEVEN
..Well, I started...
VINCE(Takes cell phone)
You got a minute to impress me.
STEVEN
Well, I st...
VINCE(Starts timer)
Go.
STEVEN
...
Vince nods, gesturing him to continue.
STEVEN
...Well, I started doing sales back in high school when I worked at Ap...
VINCE
Ah you know, this is stupid.
Vince stops the timer and puts his phone down.
VINCE
I'm sorry. *That was a stupid question. *Hey you know, lets just rap for minute. *Just you and I. *Just start talking man.
STEVEN
Jus..
VINCE(leans back in chair)
Let go, man.
STEVEN
You want me to jus..
VINCE
Dude, just let you're mind take you back to the deepest recesses of your sub-conscious.
(leans in close, slamming hands on table)
...Tell me all your secrets. *I wanna know who I'm hiring.
STEVEN(nervous)
..I don't have any secrets.
Vince stares at him with piercing eyes, as if he's trying to reach into Steven's thoughts.
Steven just stares back, nervous and awkward.
For a very long intense moment, Vince continues looking at Steven with skepticism.
Then suddenly, something dawns on Vince. His eyes widen.
Steven grows more nervous.
Vince's shocked expression slowly turns into a smile.
VINCE(under breath)
I know who you are.
STEVEN(nervous/shaky/wide-eyed)
What?
VINCE
I'll be right back.
Vince gets up and quickly exits the room.
Steven watches him leave, confused and nervous by what's to come.
He clenches the sides of the metal chair.
The clock slowly ticks.
Steven can barely sit still for some reason. *Just as he's about to get up and leave, Vince comes back with MARSHALL, a colleague of his.
Vince and Marshall walk right in front of Steven.
MARSHALL(carefully examines)
...No. *No. *There's no way that's him.
VINCE
I'm telling you, it's him. *Look.
Vince opens up his laptop sitting on his desk and types something as Steven just sits there, mortified. After a few seconds, Vince turns the laptop around, revealing a video of a protest.
In the center is Steven being held back by a police officer, only now he has longer hair and is wearing a GUY FAWKES mask on top of his head so that his face is showing.
STEVEN (in video)
YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO!!!!
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)(calm)
Sir.
MARSHALL(smiling)
Oh, shit.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO! *YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO!
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
Sir.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO! *YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO! *YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO!
OFFICER (IN VIDEO)
Sir, just step back.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
NO!! *DON'T YOU SEE?!
Steven continues sitting uncomfortably in his polished suit.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
YOU'RE JUST A CORPORATE TOOL CARRYING OUT AN AGENDA FOR THE 1%; ANOTHER COG IN THE MACHINE WORKING FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM!
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
Sir, you need to step back!
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
NO! *YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP! *IT'S TIME TO ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU'RE AN AGENT SENT TO OPPRESS THE VIEWS OF THE MAJORITY! *AND WE'RE NOT STANDING FOR IT! *NOT TODAY! NOT EVER!
Steven catches his breath in the video.
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
Just step back.
VINCE
Here it comes.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
LETS TAKE THIS SYSTEM BACK! *COME ON!
Suddenly a cheesy rap/rock song begins to play as Steven lurches out at the officer unexpectedly who immediately throws him to the ground.
Vince and Marshall stare at the monitor with large shocked grins strewn across their faces as the rap/rock song continues to blast.
MARSHALL(smiling)
Oh my god, this is great!
VINCE
Wait, it gets better.
Steven grows more worried.
In the video Officer #1 tries to get the crowd to back up with Officer #2 pinning Steven down. *Officer #1 suddenly notices a brown stain on his arm.
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
Ooh. *No.
Officer #1 turns to look at Officer #2.
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
He pooped himself.
The video instantly turns into a cheesy rap song using auto-tunes from phrases in the video.
Vince and Marshall burst into laughter.
Shots are compiled to match the auto-tuned rap song. *One shows Steven lying on the ground, completely helpless with a huge wet brown streak smeared all over his pants.
Vince and Marshall laugh even harder. *
Steven sits there, hunched over with a face that looks like it's about to cry. *
He soon gets up and rushes to the door. *
VINCE
Hey, where are you going?
Steven ignores him.
VINCE
Ahh, come on man. *It's office humor. * * *
Steven opens the door.
VINCE
You want the job, right?
He stops and turns around.
VINCE
...Well?
Steven sighs, feeling very uncomfortable.
VINCE
Come on, man. *Sit down. *We're not gonna bite.
Steven hesitates before reluctantly taking a seat.*
VINCE
Alright. *Now...(tries not to laugh)That video was..fucking embarrassing, sorry...(grows serious)...But I think you got a lot of potential. *
Mashall from behind looks confused.
Steven looks hopeful.
VINCE
So...Lets get to the heart of what we both want.*
Steven goes from hopeful to confused.
VINCE
...Take a shit. *Right now. *In your pants. *I'll give you a 50k job; benefits and everything.
*Vince pounds the desk. *
MARSHALL(lights up)
Ohhhh!!!
Vince sticks his hand out and without even looking, Marshall gives him a high five. * *
VINCE
Whadya say?
Steven appears surprised and distressed.
MARSHALL
That is so fucked up.
STEVEN
You're joking.
Vince opens up his drawer and takes out a large combat knife, placing it on the table.
VINCE
You think a guy with one of these bad boys is joking?
Worried, Steven glances over at Marshall.
Marshall shrugs, as though to say that Vince has a point.
VINCE
Look at me.
Steven turns to Vince.
VINCE
Look at me, but think of him. *Huh? That could be you in a few years...And all you have to do right now is shit your pants.
STEVEN
I...
VINCE
Just do that one little thing for us and you got the job, man.
STEVEN(sighs)
...This is bullshit.
Steven begins to stand up.
VINCE
GOD DAMNIT!
Vince slams his fist on desk causing Steven to sit back down.
VINCE
You're telling me I let a loser walk into my office today?
STEVEN
What?
VINCE
You know what a loser is? *A loser is someone who can't achieve anything because he's too afraid to try!(points behind him)Say's it right there.
Steven looks over and see's a corny motivational poster with the same exact phrase. *
STEVEN
You guys are fucking crazy.
Steven gets up and begins to head out the door.
VINCE
70 Thousand...
Steven stops.
VINCE
With a 10k raise every year.
His jaw drops as he turns around.
VINCE
I'm telling you if you shit your pants right now, you're set forever. You can go home with all that money and start whatever life you want.
STEVEN(confused)
Why the hell would you pay me that much money to take a shit?
VINCE
Dude, are you kidding? *This job is sooo boring. *I was LITERALLY going to shoot myself this morning. Seriously.
MARSHALL
Texted me all morning.
VINCEThat's right. *.32 Colt Smith & Wessen. *Right to my temple.*(puts gun on temple)I started ballin out as I told myself, "Vince. *Your life is so fucking boring, you need to do this. You are going to shoot yourself, today. Now don't puss out...Just do it!"
Steven is shocked and disturbed.
VINCE(Smiles again)I didn't do it, though, man. *I was such a pussy.*
MARSHALL(light-hearted)He's a total bitch. *
VINCE(looks subtly disturbed)Anyway. *The point is, I'd gladly pay anyone any amount just to keep me sane in this office. *I don't give a shit and it ain't my money so, sky's the limit, right?
STEVEN
You're insane.
VINCE
No, my friend. *You just caught me at a VERY awkward time in my life. *My wife left me. *My kids are dicks, and I just can't stand this horrible, God-awful job anymore. *
Steven looks over at Marshall in disbelief.*
MARSHALL
I'm just here to see the show. *I actually work in the mail room so, none of this affects me.*
VINCE
Come on, man. *You want 100k? *How about 120?
STEVEN
How do I know both of us won't get fired for this?
VINCE
Oh, I'm fucked. *But it'll be a few months before they catch on and by then who knows? *Maybe you'll have proven yourself and you get to keep the job. *Worst case, you get a few fat checks. *Best case, you get a career out of this. *Huh?*
Steven thinks for a moment.
MARSHALL
Dude, if I were you I'd take it. *A guy like you with that video out there...You're fucked, man. *You'll never get a job.*
VINCE
Definitely not a marketable guy.
Steven sighs, feeling bothered by the truth. *He takes a long moment to think about what he's going to do.
STEVEN
M..Make it 200k.
VINCE
Done.
STEVEN
Okay.
Vince and Marshall lighten up in excitement. *
Steven stands there for a long moment, nervous and feeling vulnerable before tightening his face as he tries to poop his pants. *
Vince and Marshall gaze at him smiling with their mouths half open.
Eyes closed tight, Steven pushes harder and harder before something finally comes out.
Vince and Marshall stare at him in amazement and disgust.*
MARSHALL(point's down)
Ahh! *It's just like the video!
fecal matter begins to ooze out of Steven's pant leg. *Both of them erupt into laughter.
VINCE
Oh my God, he actually did it! *He actually did it!!
STEVEN(angry)
So, do I have the job or not?
VINCE(laughing)
Yes..Yeah. *Yeah, you got the job. *Holy shit, that made my week... *Wooo!!
MARSHALL
I feel like a new man. *
VINCEIt's like a relief, you know? *Like, nothing can be worse than shitting in front of two grown men in an office. *It's really helping me cope with this black hole in my life. **
MARSHALL
Welcome to the family, Stu.
STEVEN
It's Steven!
Steven begins to storm out of the room.
VINCE
Steven. *Come on, man. *Don't get all protesty on us.
Steven stops and turns around. *
STEVEN
You know what? *At least I stood for something.
Vince and Marshall stare at him blankly as he walks closer to them before stopping.
STEVEN
Maybe I didn't make the right choices and maybe they didn't amount to anything, but at least I tried.
(BEAT)
STEVEN
At least I'm aware that something truly horrible is going on with our Country...I did something about it...What did you guys do?*
VINCE
...What the fuck are you talking about?
(BEAT)
VINCE
You tried to tackle a cop and start a revolution, but all you did was shit your pants.
Marshall laughs.
VINCE
And now you're shitting your pants again because you want a boring office job? *You're literally shitting your life away and becoming the very definition of a corporate whore. *
(BEAT)
VINCE
We're not doing shit to change the World, man. *But at least we're not fooling ourselves into believing that we are. *
Steven opens his mouth like he's about to respond, but finds himself at a loss. *Then after a few moments, he decides to slowly walk out, but before leaving, he turns around once more. *
STEVEN(low/defeated)
I..I guess I'll be in on Monday.
VINCE
Perfect.
Steven slowly turns around in utter defeat and walks out of the room.Vince turns to Marshall.
VINCE
I think he's a great fit.
MARSHALL
I don't really care.
Cut to black
FADE IN:
INT. OFFICE WAITING ROOM - DAY
A young and serious-looking man named STEVEN BANNEKER sits in a reception area, confidently waiting to be seen for an interview. *He holds a portfolio and resume neatly tucked inside a clear plastic binder.
Next to him is another prospective employee; fat and reeking of low self-esteem. *He awkwardly glances over at Steven before looking away. ** **
SECRETARY
Steven Banneker?
STEVEN
Yes?
SECRETARY
He's ready to see you.
With haste, Steven stands up and walks toward the hiring manager's office.
STEVEN
Thank you.
cut to:
INT. HIRING MANAGER'S OFFICE - DAY
Steven walks into a very clean office and stops right in front of a chair, facing the window. Within moments it swivels around revealing VINCE WELLINGTON, a young corporate shark, patiently listening to someone on the phone while preoccupying both his hands in a game of CAT'S CRADLE. *He looks up at Steven with an almost zombie-like expression.
Steven appears surprised as he slowly makes his way to the chair in front of Vince's desk.
For a very long moment Vince continues to silently stare at Steven as he fiddles with the string while listening to someone on the other end of the line.
Steven awkwardly sits there, trying to avoid eye contact.
VINCE (calmly)
...Okay.
Vince quickly sits up and puts the string down before hanging up the phone.
VINCE(extends hand)
Vince Wellington. *Hiring manager. You got my card?
STEVEN (shakes hand)
Well, actually I found the job online.
VINCE
Take a couple, anyway. *These guys sent me way too many. *
Vince hands Steve a bunch of cards, which are completely covered by multiple pictures of his face.
VINCE
Give em to your friends or something.
STEVEN
Oh.
VINCE(sits back down)
They're pretty sick, right?
STEVEN(juggles handful of cards)
Well.
VINCE
So, you're here for the job. *First question. *How ya gonna blow me?
Vince suddenly bursts out in a long hysterical laughter; eyes tearing up; face red.
Steven sits there completely caught off guard, still with all the cards in his hands.
Vince can't stop laughing.
Steven begins to nervously laugh with him.**
VINCE(waves hand in air)
I can't. *I can't...Ohhhh..oh. *Oh my God. *Wow, that was fucking funny. *I'm not gay, though.
STEVEN(Drops cards on table)
I. *Never thought you were.
VINCE
Well, just so you know.
STEVEN
Okay.
VINCE
But seriously, tell me a little bit about yourself.
STEVEN
..Well, I started...
VINCE(Takes cell phone)
You got a minute to impress me.
STEVEN
Well, I st...
VINCE(Starts timer)
Go.
STEVEN
...
Vince nods, gesturing him to continue.
STEVEN
...Well, I started doing sales back in high school when I worked at Ap...
VINCE
Ah you know, this is stupid.
Vince stops the timer and puts his phone down.
VINCE
I'm sorry. *That was a stupid question. *Hey you know, lets just rap for minute. *Just you and I. *Just start talking man.
STEVEN
Jus..
VINCE(leans back in chair)
Let go, man.
STEVEN
You want me to jus..
VINCE
Dude, just let you're mind take you back to the deepest recesses of your sub-conscious.
(leans in close, slamming hands on table)
...Tell me all your secrets. *I wanna know who I'm hiring.
STEVEN(nervous)
..I don't have any secrets.
Vince stares at him with piercing eyes, as if he's trying to reach into Steven's thoughts.
Steven just stares back, nervous and awkward.
For a very long intense moment, Vince continues looking at Steven with skepticism.
Then suddenly, something dawns on Vince. His eyes widen.
Steven grows more nervous.
Vince's shocked expression slowly turns into a smile.
VINCE(under breath)
I know who you are.
STEVEN(nervous/shaky/wide-eyed)
What?
VINCE
I'll be right back.
Vince gets up and quickly exits the room.
Steven watches him leave, confused and nervous by what's to come.
He clenches the sides of the metal chair.
The clock slowly ticks.
Steven can barely sit still for some reason. *Just as he's about to get up and leave, Vince comes back with MARSHALL, a colleague of his.
Vince and Marshall walk right in front of Steven.
MARSHALL(carefully examines)
...No. *No. *There's no way that's him.
VINCE
I'm telling you, it's him. *Look.
Vince opens up his laptop sitting on his desk and types something as Steven just sits there, mortified. After a few seconds, Vince turns the laptop around, revealing a video of a protest.
In the center is Steven being held back by a police officer, only now he has longer hair and is wearing a GUY FAWKES mask on top of his head so that his face is showing.
STEVEN (in video)
YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO!!!!
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)(calm)
Sir.
MARSHALL(smiling)
Oh, shit.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO! *YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO!
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
Sir.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO! *YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO! *YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO!
OFFICER (IN VIDEO)
Sir, just step back.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
NO!! *DON'T YOU SEE?!
Steven continues sitting uncomfortably in his polished suit.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
YOU'RE JUST A CORPORATE TOOL CARRYING OUT AN AGENDA FOR THE 1%; ANOTHER COG IN THE MACHINE WORKING FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM!
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
Sir, you need to step back!
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
NO! *YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP! *IT'S TIME TO ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU'RE AN AGENT SENT TO OPPRESS THE VIEWS OF THE MAJORITY! *AND WE'RE NOT STANDING FOR IT! *NOT TODAY! NOT EVER!
Steven catches his breath in the video.
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
Just step back.
VINCE
Here it comes.
STEVEN (IN VIDEO)
LETS TAKE THIS SYSTEM BACK! *COME ON!
Suddenly a cheesy rap/rock song begins to play as Steven lurches out at the officer unexpectedly who immediately throws him to the ground.
Vince and Marshall stare at the monitor with large shocked grins strewn across their faces as the rap/rock song continues to blast.
MARSHALL(smiling)
Oh my god, this is great!
VINCE
Wait, it gets better.
Steven grows more worried.
In the video Officer #1 tries to get the crowd to back up with Officer #2 pinning Steven down. *Officer #1 suddenly notices a brown stain on his arm.
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
Ooh. *No.
Officer #1 turns to look at Officer #2.
OFFICER #2 (IN VIDEO)
He pooped himself.
The video instantly turns into a cheesy rap song using auto-tunes from phrases in the video.
Vince and Marshall burst into laughter.
Shots are compiled to match the auto-tuned rap song. *One shows Steven lying on the ground, completely helpless with a huge wet brown streak smeared all over his pants.
Vince and Marshall laugh even harder. *
Steven sits there, hunched over with a face that looks like it's about to cry. *
He soon gets up and rushes to the door. *
VINCE
Hey, where are you going?
Steven ignores him.
VINCE
Ahh, come on man. *It's office humor. * * *
Steven opens the door.
VINCE
You want the job, right?
He stops and turns around.
VINCE
...Well?
Steven sighs, feeling very uncomfortable.
VINCE
Come on, man. *Sit down. *We're not gonna bite.
Steven hesitates before reluctantly taking a seat.*
VINCE
Alright. *Now...(tries not to laugh)That video was..fucking embarrassing, sorry...(grows serious)...But I think you got a lot of potential. *
Mashall from behind looks confused.
Steven looks hopeful.
VINCE
So...Lets get to the heart of what we both want.*
Steven goes from hopeful to confused.
VINCE
...Take a shit. *Right now. *In your pants. *I'll give you a 50k job; benefits and everything.
*Vince pounds the desk. *
MARSHALL(lights up)
Ohhhh!!!
Vince sticks his hand out and without even looking, Marshall gives him a high five. * *
VINCE
Whadya say?
Steven appears surprised and distressed.
MARSHALL
That is so fucked up.
STEVEN
You're joking.
Vince opens up his drawer and takes out a large combat knife, placing it on the table.
VINCE
You think a guy with one of these bad boys is joking?
Worried, Steven glances over at Marshall.
Marshall shrugs, as though to say that Vince has a point.
VINCE
Look at me.
Steven turns to Vince.
VINCE
Look at me, but think of him. *Huh? That could be you in a few years...And all you have to do right now is shit your pants.
STEVEN
I...
VINCE
Just do that one little thing for us and you got the job, man.
STEVEN(sighs)
...This is bullshit.
Steven begins to stand up.
VINCE
GOD DAMNIT!
Vince slams his fist on desk causing Steven to sit back down.
VINCE
You're telling me I let a loser walk into my office today?
STEVEN
What?
VINCE
You know what a loser is? *A loser is someone who can't achieve anything because he's too afraid to try!(points behind him)Say's it right there.
Steven looks over and see's a corny motivational poster with the same exact phrase. *
STEVEN
You guys are fucking crazy.
Steven gets up and begins to head out the door.
VINCE
70 Thousand...
Steven stops.
VINCE
With a 10k raise every year.
His jaw drops as he turns around.
VINCE
I'm telling you if you shit your pants right now, you're set forever. You can go home with all that money and start whatever life you want.
STEVEN(confused)
Why the hell would you pay me that much money to take a shit?
VINCE
Dude, are you kidding? *This job is sooo boring. *I was LITERALLY going to shoot myself this morning. Seriously.
MARSHALL
Texted me all morning.
VINCEThat's right. *.32 Colt Smith & Wessen. *Right to my temple.*(puts gun on temple)I started ballin out as I told myself, "Vince. *Your life is so fucking boring, you need to do this. You are going to shoot yourself, today. Now don't puss out...Just do it!"
Steven is shocked and disturbed.
VINCE(Smiles again)I didn't do it, though, man. *I was such a pussy.*
MARSHALL(light-hearted)He's a total bitch. *
VINCE(looks subtly disturbed)Anyway. *The point is, I'd gladly pay anyone any amount just to keep me sane in this office. *I don't give a shit and it ain't my money so, sky's the limit, right?
STEVEN
You're insane.
VINCE
No, my friend. *You just caught me at a VERY awkward time in my life. *My wife left me. *My kids are dicks, and I just can't stand this horrible, God-awful job anymore. *
Steven looks over at Marshall in disbelief.*
MARSHALL
I'm just here to see the show. *I actually work in the mail room so, none of this affects me.*
VINCE
Come on, man. *You want 100k? *How about 120?
STEVEN
How do I know both of us won't get fired for this?
VINCE
Oh, I'm fucked. *But it'll be a few months before they catch on and by then who knows? *Maybe you'll have proven yourself and you get to keep the job. *Worst case, you get a few fat checks. *Best case, you get a career out of this. *Huh?*
Steven thinks for a moment.
MARSHALL
Dude, if I were you I'd take it. *A guy like you with that video out there...You're fucked, man. *You'll never get a job.*
VINCE
Definitely not a marketable guy.
Steven sighs, feeling bothered by the truth. *He takes a long moment to think about what he's going to do.
STEVEN
M..Make it 200k.
VINCE
Done.
STEVEN
Okay.
Vince and Marshall lighten up in excitement. *
Steven stands there for a long moment, nervous and feeling vulnerable before tightening his face as he tries to poop his pants. *
Vince and Marshall gaze at him smiling with their mouths half open.
Eyes closed tight, Steven pushes harder and harder before something finally comes out.
Vince and Marshall stare at him in amazement and disgust.*
MARSHALL(point's down)
Ahh! *It's just like the video!
fecal matter begins to ooze out of Steven's pant leg. *Both of them erupt into laughter.
VINCE
Oh my God, he actually did it! *He actually did it!!
STEVEN(angry)
So, do I have the job or not?
VINCE(laughing)
Yes..Yeah. *Yeah, you got the job. *Holy shit, that made my week... *Wooo!!
MARSHALL
I feel like a new man. *
VINCEIt's like a relief, you know? *Like, nothing can be worse than shitting in front of two grown men in an office. *It's really helping me cope with this black hole in my life. **
MARSHALL
Welcome to the family, Stu.
STEVEN
It's Steven!
Steven begins to storm out of the room.
VINCE
Steven. *Come on, man. *Don't get all protesty on us.
Steven stops and turns around. *
STEVEN
You know what? *At least I stood for something.
Vince and Marshall stare at him blankly as he walks closer to them before stopping.
STEVEN
Maybe I didn't make the right choices and maybe they didn't amount to anything, but at least I tried.
(BEAT)
STEVEN
At least I'm aware that something truly horrible is going on with our Country...I did something about it...What did you guys do?*
VINCE
...What the fuck are you talking about?
(BEAT)
VINCE
You tried to tackle a cop and start a revolution, but all you did was shit your pants.
Marshall laughs.
VINCE
And now you're shitting your pants again because you want a boring office job? *You're literally shitting your life away and becoming the very definition of a corporate whore. *
(BEAT)
VINCE
We're not doing shit to change the World, man. *But at least we're not fooling ourselves into believing that we are. *
Steven opens his mouth like he's about to respond, but finds himself at a loss. *Then after a few moments, he decides to slowly walk out, but before leaving, he turns around once more. *
STEVEN(low/defeated)
I..I guess I'll be in on Monday.
VINCE
Perfect.
Steven slowly turns around in utter defeat and walks out of the room.Vince turns to Marshall.
VINCE
I think he's a great fit.
MARSHALL
I don't really care.
Cut to black
