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How much common sense should we give to the reader?

C

carlbrooks

Hello,

As a beginner in screenwriting, I have an obvious tendency of writing too much when I don't need to. My question is simply how much do we leave our writing to the reader's common sense? For example I have four examples underneath, my versions and the possible shorter version. I know screenwriting is all about showing, not telling, but do we need to specifically detail what we show?

Example 1:

My version:

Mary walks over to her… rocks her shoulder with her hand… no response… still no response. Mary sheds a tear.
--
A possible shorter version:

Mary walks over to her… rocks her shoulder… there's no response. Mary sheds a tear.


Example 2:

My version:

Chris pulls the block in half with both hands
--
Possible shorter version:

Chris pulls the block in half.

Example 3:

John grabs Chris's shirt with both hands and lifts him up.
--
John grabs Chris's shirt and lifts him up

Example 4

John keeps one hand on Chris's shirt as he turns around and squats, then quickly places both his hands below the back of Chris’s thighs and lifts in a piggyback.
--
John still clutches onto Chris's shirt as he turns and forces Chris in a piggyback by lifting his thighs

(Like to say for the above that Chris is actually injured in a soccer accident, so he can't move.)

Thank you
 
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Almost always, the second version you've posted. And even some of those are overwritten. Example 4 should be "John turns and lifts Chris piggyback."

There are 4 main reasons I include detail. (I'm sure there's probably others listed in the main screenwriting canon). All 4 are used carefully and sparingly. The main question you need to keep in mind is, if you see something in your head, is it ABSOLUTELY necessary that the reader see exactly the same thing? If so, then use detail. If not, cut it.

1. To solidify a feel for place and time.
2. To reveal character.
3. To advance the plot.
4. As a plant.

The first three should be self-explanatory. The fourth is placing a seemingly innocuous detail forward in the story that, later, has a pay off. And it had better have a payoff. If the camera lingers, even briefly, on something that seems innocuous and unconnected to the story, it had damn well better pay off later, or the viewer will hold you to task for cluttering up their mind with stuff they don't need to remember or think about. Works the same with readers.

Good luck.
 
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Adeimantus said:
Almost always, the second version you've posted. And even some of those are overwritten. Example 4 should be "John turns and lifts Chris piggyback."

There are 4 main reasons I include detail. (I'm sure there's probably others listed in the main screenwriting canon). All 4 are used carefully and sparingly. The main question you need to keep in mind is, if you see something in your head, is it ABSOLUTELY necessary that the reader see exactly the same thing? If so, then use detail. If not, cut it.

1. To solidify a feel for place and time.
2. To reveal character.
3. To advance the plot.
4. As a plant.

The first three should be self-explanatory. The fourth is placing a seemingly innocuous detail forward in the story that, later, has a pay off. And it had better have a payoff. If the camera lingers, even briefly, on something that seems innocuous and unconnected to the story, it had damn well better pay off later, or the viewer will hold you to task for cluttering up their mind with stuff they don't need to remember or think about. Works the same with readers.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

Thank you very much for the info. Just to make sure, is the other three examples okay to include or are you able to shorten them yourself? I am asking so I have an idea how much I should be able to cut. I have seen the fourth example which I amazed that all I had to do was write that haha
 
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I don't know if the other three can be shortened because I'm not privvy to your story.

And remember, using strong, fresh verbs can often obviate the need for a bunch of fluffy adverbs and adjectives.

"Chris WRENCHES the block in half" creates an image that you just painted without a clutter of other junk words.
 
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carlbrooks said:
As a beginner in screenwriting, I have an obvious tendency of writing too much when I don't need to. My question is simply how much do we leave our writing to the reader's common sense?
Click to expand...

Not just common sense, but assume your reader is very intelligent.

Write tightly. Non-pro screenwriters typically detail far too much - that slows and spoils the read and screams amateur.

If you're writing for your own shorts then it's not as big an issue, but if you want to sell a screenplay it is a huge issue.

Some useful links on the topic:

Keep Descriptions Brief and Tight

Screenwriting is Not Novel Writing
 
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