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3rd Draft: America Love Story

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redbluewhite85

Screenplay: America Love Story

Author: Junsai Xu

Indication 1
Please respect creator’s copyright, don’t alter anything（except obvious English grammar mistake ）.Because the change of one word, one sentence, one section would be on content, on form, on essence, damage the logic ratiocination science of personage disposition portraiture, story plot development, theme thought prominence and so on.

Indication 2
First manuscript: 275 sections；second manuscript: 115 sections. This is a whole edition.

Main Logline
The defeatist harbored her bitter hatred, never stopped defrauding, injuring, revenging, caused a huge debt pressure, forced the gainer to fall deep into a strange circle, ruin her life，discharge a repayment，viciously cycle，be desperately driven；but the defender dedicated himself to launching a rescue, in pollution and purification, in erosion and perfection，in degeneration and contention，changed a love tragedy into a love drama，thus bulged the significant society problem of triggering the sickness overgrowth，reducing the life quality，endangering the human development.

Assistant Logline
The life perplexity of an epoch，complicated puzzlement，extraordinary heaviness: for the sake of immigration，the protagonist had no choice but to part with his cohabitant in China，and wouldn’t reunite with his son in Canada from beginning to end, unexpectedly lost his wife in America at the eleventh hour; or the affection became incomplete, being filled with grief and indignation; or it’s only difficult to maintain the relation, the prospect isn’t cheerful; he felt depressed in humanity, so much so that he wouldn’t bear to think of the past and considered that the reality isn’t entirely satisfactory.

Plot Overview
Dazhi Tang caressed Joanna, made every effort to help her give up smoking, give up drinking, commit to drug rehabilitation, stop gambling, conceal murder abortion crime, engage crisis，avenge by bravery，finally formed different endings.
 
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I still hope you to hold a hearing

directorik said:
You already have two threads with this script:
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=60563 started March 2016
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=62440 started January 2017

Do you need a third?
Click to expand...

Wise expert, many thanks, salute you. But I still hope you to hold a hearing. Now I list a few reasons:

1, Your edition's design regards fourth page as last page, place isn't big. But if I redo, need 43 times, then would finish.

2, Maybe someone says, you only post a lot more in one time, it's okay, you can immediately finish. Then I want to question you on your view, do you intend to change book one piece of for one page of, yes or no? Therefore do you want to break the custom that everybody reads book one page by one page long long time?

3, Shouldn't confuse discussion and creation. Discussion absolutely has no a system （because they aren't academic papers, lack science）; but creation must have a system （namely creativeness，otherwise you couldn't complete）.

4, This forum is a filmmaking community. This column is a screenwriting garden. So don't discuss for discussion, but discuss for creation. Therefore works obviously are a hundred times higher than discussions.

5, I've twice posted my screenplay on Your forum, but only express the practice process that I spent much more time, continuously perfected, scientifically explored, to write this screenplay.

6, I rewrote, absolutely and not only lay to reduction, but re-created. Now I make examples:
 
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There're at least more than 105 sections that have never been posted

directorik said:
You already have two threads with this script:
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=60563 started March 2016
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=62440 started January 2017

Do you need a third?
Click to expand...

Expert:

1, I've already reported to you.

2, the founder has agreed with me, I can redo again.

3, I've twice posted my screenplay on Your forum, but only 10 percent of the old edition 275 sections. This time, the new edition 115 sections, maybe only several sections were repeated, but all rewrote. Therefore, there're at least more than 105 sections that have never been posted.

4, Forum is both win: forum needs paper, user needs post.

5, Shouldn't confuse discussion and creation.
 
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To avoid confusion, I have added 3rd Draft to your title. If you wish to keep us updated with significant changes, please continue this naming process, thanks.
 
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buscando said:
redbluewhite85, are you writing directly in English?
Or are you using some kind of computer translator?
Click to expand...

I can finish a press of 1,000 words in an hour, including making title, proof and so on.

I can write 6,000 words in academic paper one day.

But I only write in Chinese. So I'd already finished a dissertation (more than 300,000 words), but I haven't dared to apply for a pass until now. Because my English level cannot support myself with a reply.

I've completed the old edition 275 sections more than one year. But I translated Chinese into English, actually occupied 75 percent of the time.

From start, I used google's translation and finished more than 30 sections, then posted Your forum. But I found google's translation only is a pure copy of A New English-Chinese Dictionary（Century Edition）later. I go to internet less and less.

Namely after you have 1, thesaurus; 2, antisense dictionary; 3, polysemy dictionary; 4, phrase dictionary; 5, dictionary of idioms; 6, dictionary of grammar; 7, English-Chinese dictionary; 8, concise dictionary; 9, abbreviation dictionary and so on as reference, you can never trouble any language translation in internet.
 
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I think it might be a big help to your script & to the people on this forum if you could find another person who could translate the Chinese into English. Translating is pretty hard so the script is not easy to understand.
 
Last edited:
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Take care of yourself only

buscando said:
I think it might be a big help to your script & to the people on this forum if you could find another person who could translate the Chinese into English. Translating is pretty hard so the script is not easy to understand.
Click to expand...

Where is my screenplay's title wrong?

Now cite an example in point: AmericaHistory John Cox Stevens (May 1851) Lord John de Blaquière (September 1851) Lord Templeton (1856).

Namely a noun is used to an attribute very more:

Shanghai Express,
Memphis Belle,
New York Pier,
America News,
America Map,
America Tours,
America Tourism,
America Saves,
America Eats Tavern,
America Discography,
America Scores,
America Votes,
America Achieves,
America Week,
America Forward,
America Band,
And so on.

Have you learnt an introduction to linguistics? Because ignorant is shameful, despicable, low.

Maybe it's impossible to take care of yourself only. Hurry your writing. Can you show your screenplay? Do you have this ability?
 
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He did not say title he said screenplay.

BUT as I even stated before American Love Story is better. Here we would say Chinese Food, not China Food. It sounds awkward even if you can prove it is grammatically correct.

But it's your title.

Ex: American Horror Story ;)
 
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indietalk said:
He did not say title he said screenplay.

BUT as I even stated before American Love Story is better. Here we would say Chinese Food, not China Food. It sounds awkward even if you can prove it is grammatically correct.

But it's your title.

Ex: American Horror Story ;)
Click to expand...

please read:

Now cite an example in point: AmericaHistory John Cox Stevens (May 1851) Lord John de Blaquière (September 1851) Lord Templeton (1856).

Namely a noun is used to an attribute very more:

Shanghai Express,
Memphis Belle,
New York Pier,
America News,
America Map,
America Tours,
America Tourism,
America Saves,
America Eats Tavern,
America Discography,
America Scores,
America Votes,
America Achieves,
America Week,
America Forward,
America Band,
And so on.
 
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Main Characters

Indication
I’ve taken up the shoot matters of this screenplay with a film corporation concerned in Chinese continent. Inside, we’ve formed an initially common view, namely prepared to engage Ivanka Marie Trump as Joanna’s actress, Chelsea Victoria Clinton as Margaret’s actress, Jennifer Flavin Stallone as Catherine’s actress, Malia Ann Obama as Shirley’s actress, Ivanka’s daughter as Amy’s actress, and so on. Now we list a few reasons：

1，have nothing to do with politics. Film exactly is film, art exactly is art, aesthetics exactly is aesthetics, （describing） love exactly is （describing） love.

2, in information explosion era, science is dissemination, art is popularization, film and television are everyday occurrence. A self-take, a live network programme, a documentary, a micro film and so on has risen in response to the proper time and conditions, become vogue. Nobility and gracefulness step into secularity.

3, all roads lead to Rome. We should open up a virgin soil and touch a forbidden zone so long as help develop the film art and science, try a new methodology.

4, this screenplay looks like a documentary, doesn’t need an exquisite acting, emphatically reflects the original life features.

5, likeness actresses have a high quality, moreover cultivate and direct them a little, then they could attend filmmaking.

6, star does profession, celebrity holds concurrent post. But in the film market, another extraordinary army emerges, celebrity’s influence is bigger than star’s influence. Therefore they should absolutely cause a sensation.

1.Joanna （European descent）：graceful incarnation. Blonde, curves gallop, devil figure, the most beautiful who would make wild geese to alight and river fish to dive for gaze. As clean as ice and as pure as jade. Insists on preserving the love in purity, nobility, nicety. When she appears at the age of nineteen.

2.Dazhi Tang （Asian descent）：being knowledgeable, seeking truth from facts, extremely strong and handsome. He's a newspaper man in China. Becoming a dealer after immigrating into the United States. Highly emphasizing the problem of life quality. His maternal grandmother was the French. When he appears at the age of forty-five.

3.Catherine （European descent）：looking just like Joanna's eldest sister on appearance. Her personality is similar to limpid, trickly, warm water. Ardently loving her descendant with all her heart. When she appears at the age of thirty-nine.

4.Margaret （European descent）：being out of order, low in character. Beautiful, but being too thin, much bad habits. She regards younger female cousin Joanna as the rival in love. She never stops waiting for an opportunity to revenge. When she appears at the age of twenty-three.

5.Christopher （European descent）：originally being a bank clerk. Releasing from prison after serving his sentence, ingratiating himself with Margaret, became plotter and accomplice. When he appears at the age of thirty-eight.

6.Yangyang Tang （Asian descent）：the son of Dazhi Tang and his ex-wife Beilei Hua. When he appears at the age of eleven.

7.Amy Tang（half-blood）：the daughter of Dazhi Tang and Joanna. When she appears to be a neonate.

8.Beilei Hua （Asian descent）：Dazhi Tang's ex-wife. When she appears at the age of thirty-seven.

9.Shuier Li （Asian descent）：Dazhi Tang's cohabitant. When she appears at the age of thirty.

10.Wharton （African descent）：Dazhi Tang's friend. When he appears at the age of twenty-six.

11.Shirley （African descent）：Dazhi Tang's friend. When she appears at the age of twenty-one.

12.Whitefield （African descent）：Dazhi Tang's friend. When he appears at the age of fifty.
 
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Theme Song：Going To Extend

1
We have a long distance run on Greenwood Avenue,
We love each other on Greenwood Avenue.
Your speed looks like a fast meteor,
Your figure is more delicate and charming than rose.
Suddenly, you suffered the charge of a furious storm,
You fully lost your orientation.
After that,I sought you by all manners or methods, but being utterly ignorant,
I took a tearful leave from this grieved area.

2
We have a long distance run on Greenwood Avenue,
We love each other on Greenwood Avenue.
You once was an athlete,
Now you’ve ridden a rolling chair instead of walk.
Phoenix reviviscence needs a tenaciousness,
Here is the home of the brave.
My plan absolutely isn’t a dreamland,
I ask you to step a new journey again tomorrow.

3
We have a long distance run on Greenwood Avenue,
We love each other on Greenwood Avenue.
You resisted the sordid infringements by your youth,
You’ve safeguarded your holy pureness and nobleness.
My name is Amy, dad and mommy love me（Amy sings）；
So long as grandmother has leisure，leading me on a run.
Cheering and laughing are flying upward（Chorus）,
The road of our life is going to extend.

We have a long distance run on Greenwood Avenue（Chorus）,
We love each other on Greenwood Avenue。。。

Fade In

·Title·

Harmony Pavilion.
Carved Stone.
Title：America Love Story
Going To Extend sounds.
Aerially views the area.
The cast list.
Greenwood Avenue extends.
Subtitle：Spring 2008, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
On Greenwood Avenue, run, skateboard，walk, cycle, dribble，play.
The cast list.
On the lawn,there's a woman.She throws frisbee.The dog jumps，opens its mouth, holds in its teeth，and then delivers it. Circulates.
Going To Extend ceases.
 
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redbluewhite85 said:
Where is my screenplay's title wrong?
Click to expand...
Where did buscando mention your screenplay title?
redbluewhite85 said:
Now cite an example in point: AmericaHistory John Cox Stevens (May 1851) Lord John de Blaquière (September 1851) Lord Templeton (1856).
Click to expand...
Each of your citations is incorrect. I don't know what you are writing
about. Stevens did not write anything called America History. Why
did you mention the other two? Blaquiere died in 1812 so what is
the May 1851 date referring to?

redbluewhite85 said:
Have you learnt an introduction to linguistics? Because ignorant is shameful, despicable, low.
Click to expand...
Now you are just rude. Ignorance is a lack of knowledge or information.
There is nothing shameful or despicable about being ignorant.

Your English writing skills are poor. Your Chinese to English idiom
translations show a lack of knowledge or information on how Americans
speak. But no one here has ever called you "shameful, despicable, low".
buscando was trying to help you.
 
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I'm wondering the point of posting this screenplay over and over, scene by scene, in posts.

It is for feedback? Sales interest? A progress log?
 
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