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NEW UPDATE! Need someone to quickly skim/ look over a few pages of my script
- Thread starter zepplin
- Start date
I haven't finished reading it yet, but a couple thoughts for you...
The first scene, you only list one location "EXT. FIELD - DAWN" but I assume this is supposed to be a montage because you refer to men seated around a table, soldiers piling food into a bunker, etc.. I'm sure there is a more clear way to write this, though it escapes me at the moment but you'll undoubtedly want to include additional locations there as well.
There are also some words in the voice over dialogue that can probably be eliminated:
"With no the aid from the outside world, the famine swept across our borders killing millions."
could be: "Without aid from the outside world, famine swept the land, killing millions."
Also remember that a screenplay should be written in present tense, so the Kitchen scene needs a bit of work in some spots...
"Mom was cooking the sizzling bacon" -- this is past tense, should be rewritten in present tense, such as "MARIE, SAM's mother stands near the stove, poking at the bacon sizzling away in the frying pan"
There are also a number of spelling errors and such...
Of course it's best to get the whole thing out first, then go back and tidy this up in your editing process, but just want to be sure you're aware of it.
The first scene, you only list one location "EXT. FIELD - DAWN" but I assume this is supposed to be a montage because you refer to men seated around a table, soldiers piling food into a bunker, etc.. I'm sure there is a more clear way to write this, though it escapes me at the moment but you'll undoubtedly want to include additional locations there as well.
There are also some words in the voice over dialogue that can probably be eliminated:
"With no the aid from the outside world, the famine swept across our borders killing millions."
could be: "Without aid from the outside world, famine swept the land, killing millions."
Also remember that a screenplay should be written in present tense, so the Kitchen scene needs a bit of work in some spots...
"Mom was cooking the sizzling bacon" -- this is past tense, should be rewritten in present tense, such as "MARIE, SAM's mother stands near the stove, poking at the bacon sizzling away in the frying pan"
There are also a number of spelling errors and such...
Of course it's best to get the whole thing out first, then go back and tidy this up in your editing process, but just want to be sure you're aware of it.