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AssDroidz Films

AssDroidz Films

Alright guys, I am in need of the script of my short film Framed (which we are still trying to fund). Please do not steal. I spent about 6 months writing this.

FADE IN

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Alex wakes up very tired. He looks around his bedroom to
find Tony sitting there waiting for him.

ALEX
Why are you here Tony? What time is
it?

TONY
Get dressed, its 3AM. We need to
get outta here.

Alex starts getting dressed. When he is done getting dressed
he is confused about something. He starts to look for his
pistol.

ALEX
Where is it?

TONY
Where is what?

Alex gets a little upset due to the tiredness and Tony not
knowing what it is.

ALEX
(sigh: oh my god). My purple hippo.
My pistol you idiot. You know I
don't leave the house without it.

TONY
Oh, that, here!

Tony tosses the pistol to Alex.

ALEX
Cool. Lets go.

EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREETS - NIGHT 3AM

Alex and Tony are walking around the Laurelhurst
neighborhood.

ALEX
Where are we going?

TONY
Someone killed my little brother.

Alex gets extremely pissed off about the news.

ALEX
What!? Who!? I'll kill that
motherfucker!

TONY
I don't know who, but I do know
where he lives.

ALEX
Lets go get that asshole!

TONY
We will later, I just needed to let
you know. It just happened a couple
hours ago.

ALEX
Okay.

Alex and Tony continue to walk down the streets of Portland,
Oregon. They hear a car and notice that it is a squad car.

ALEX (CONT'D)
Do you hear that?

TONY
No what?

Alex looks to see it is a cop.

ALEX
Shit. Cops.

TONY
Oh damn. Act normal, illegal gun
possession cat get us big time.

ALEX
Wait, you have your pistol too?

TONY
Of course. Alright just keep
walking though. Just keep walking,
just keep...

ALEX
SHIT RUN!!!

Tony and Alex run off frame.

E;I

Alex and Tony sprint into Alex' apartment.

ALEX
Dude you should just crash here.
The cops know we are hiding
something.

TONY
Okay, thanks dude, really
appreciate it.

INT. LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON

ALEX
We should get Sam, he can probably
help us.

TONY
Agreed. I'll call him up.

Tony calls Sam.

TONY (CONT'D)
Hey Sam. How you doing?

SAM (ON PHONE)
Hey Tony, I'm doing pretty good
myself. How about you?

TONY
Oh not to good, my brother got shot
last night.

SAM
Oh shit dude, I'm so sorry. So,
what'd you call about?

TONY
Well, we need you to help Alex and
I with something.

SAM
Oh yeah sure dude, I'm busy today
though. Can you come over tomorrow?

TONY
Yeah tomorrow is fine.

SAM
Okay, good.

TONY
Alright see ya than. Peace.

SAM
Alright bye.

E;I - SAMS HOUSE - DAY

Tony and Alex walk into Sam's house (Dads house).

ALEX
Sam! Grab your gun!

SAM
Okay, wait down there, I'll be down
there in a second.

ALEX
Alright.

Sam falls down his stairs.
SAM
Fuck! That hurt.

ALEX
You ready?

SAM
(ow) yeah.

Alex, Tony, and Sam, walk down the street.

TONY
We gotta shoot someone.

SAM
Oh jeez. Thats what you meant by
something.

When Sam says "something" he does air quotes.

ALEX
(softly) Stupid ass.

Sam act slaps Alex.

SAM
FUCK YOU ALEX!

FADE TO BLACK.

FADE IN

Michael walks out of his apartment.

TONY
THERE HE IS!

MICHAEL
OH SHIT!

Michael runs. Tony, Sam, Alex pull out pistols and cock
them. Tony shoots at Michael, but misses. Sad music begins.

Slow motion

Michael turns around and shoots Sam in the head.

Return to regular speed.

TONY AND ALEX
SAM!!!!

MICHAEL
HEADSHOT BIATCH! YOU JUST GOT
OWNED!

Michael runs away. Alex runs to Sam.

ALEX
Sam. Sam, I'll kill that
motherfucker for you, and little
Jimmy.

SAM
Always remember...

Sam dies.

ALEX
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

E;I - ALEX' APARTMENT - DAY

Alex runs into apartment to tell his mom the news. Alex is
currently crying.

ALEX
Mama! That fuckass that killed
Little Jimmy (sniffle) he, he
killed Sam!!

MAMA
Oh shit, I'm so sorry. Go kill that
bastard.

EXT. OUTSIDE APARTMENT - DAY

Alex runs outside to find that Michael followed him back to
his apartment.

AYDAN
Who the fuck are you?

MICHAEL
Move!

AYDAN
Tell me who you are or I'm kickin
your ass.

MICHAEL
Fuck you!

Michael shoots Aydan in the foot. Aydan falls down in
agony.

AYDAN
Ow! You little fucking b-

MICHAEL
Don't talk or I'll blw your fucking
head off!

ALEX
Oh shit!

E;I - ALEX' APARTMENT - DAY

Alex runs back into his apartment and grabs his gun.

ALEX
Mama! Aydan just got shot in the
foot! I'm gonna go kill the
motherfucker! Get Aydan to the
hospital! He's right outside!

EXT. OUTSIDE APARTMENT - DAY

Michael cocks his pistol and begins to talk to Aydan.

MICHAEL
Where's your fuckin' broth-

ALEX
Better run motherfucker! (cocks
gun)

Michael runs away. Alex comes downstairs to talk to Aydan

ALEX (CONT'D)
Aydan, Mama is gonna take you to
the hospital. I'm gonna kill that
little fucking bitch. He killed
Tony's brother Jimmy, and Sam.


AYDAN
Oh shit. Alright go get that
asshole.

ALEX
See ya later!

Alex runs to chase Ariel but realizes that Tony would want
to be there considering that Michael killed Jimmy.

ALEX (CONT'D)
Hey Tony, I'm going after him.

TONY
Alright, where should we meet up.

ALEX
Meet me on 31st and Ankeny.

TONY
Alright see you than.

ALEX
Bye.

FADE OUT

FADE IN

EXT. 31ST AND ANKENY - DAY

Alex has his gun pointed at Michaels head. They both are
stopped running. They are in the intersection. Tony walks up
to Alex.

ALEX
Whats up?

TONY
Nothing.

As Tony says "Nothing" he pulls out his gun and aims it at
Alex.

ALEX
What the fuck man.

TONY
I've been planning this for a
while. You see, my plan is very
simple. I frame Michael for the
death of my brother. He kills Sam
or you. And than Sam or you kill
Micahel. And I kill you or Sam. It
works out perfectly for me.

ALEX
You are an asshole.

TONY
Haha! Yes, I know.

MICHAEL
Both of you put the guns down!

ALEX
No, because than you'll shoot us.

MICHAEL
Weren't you listen to his plan!?
We'll both die anyway!

ALEX
Not necessarily.

Epic music begins here. Alex ducks right as Tony pulls the
trigger. Alex trips Tony from the back of the leg. Alex
grabs Tony's gun and throws it. The three of them begin to
have a fight. Alex wins but is badly injured. Michael and
Tony are knocked out.

ALEX (CONT'D)
Fuck. I can't do it.

Alex says that as he aims the gun at Tony. He puts the gun
down and walks home.

INT. ALEX' APARTMENT - DAY

Alex walks into the apartment to talk to his mother.

ALEX
Mama, I beat the living shit out of
Michael and Tony. Tony nearly blew
my fucking head off!

MAMA
Oh shit, you really gotta be more
careful.

ALEX
I kicked their ass' didn't I?

MAMA
(sigh) Okay, well I'm going to
work, don't get in trouble please.

ALEX
Okay mom, I love you. Bye.

Alex walks over to take a nap on the couch. He sleeps. Alex
wakes up the laundry room in the garage, but doesn't know
where he is.

MICHAEL
Rise and shine motherfucker.

Michael cocks his gun and aims it at Alex.

Alex takes the gun at pistol whips the shit out of Michael.

ALEX
Alright, just gotta find Tony.

Alex shoots Michael in the stomache 3 times. He walks away
back into his apartment (make it seem like a longer walk.).

INT. ALEX' APARTMENT - THE NEXT DAY

Tony knocks on Alex' apartment door.

Alex opens the door with his gun in hand.

ALEX
What do you want?!

TONY
No hard feelings with all that. You
do remember what happened yesterday
right? yesterday. So, you wanna
hang out?

ALEX
Fuck you Tony!

Alex shoots Tony in the face and slams the door.

FADE OUT

THE END
Click to expand...
Written by Elijah Foster
 
Last edited:
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You make a lot of “new writer” mistakes. Nothing that can’t be
fixed.

Scripts should be written in real time. You write:

AssDroidz Films said:
Alex starts getting dressed. When he is done getting dressed
he is confused about something. He starts to look for his
pistol.
Click to expand...
Are you thinking we need to see the entire process of getting
dressed? Not very interesting.

And your use of “starts” is a beginners mistake. He doesn’t start
to look for his guy; he actually looks for it. People either do
something or they do nothing - people do not start doing
something. Keep your writing more active.

Same with words ending in “ing”. It’s more active to write: “Alex
and Tony walk” and then specify where. “NEIGHBORHOOD STREETS”
could be a dozen locations. If you are writing a montage, write a
montage. If you want a shot of them on “MAIN STREET” then write
that.

AssDroidz Films said:
Alex gets a little upset due to the tiredness and Tony not
knowing what it is.
Click to expand...
Due to the tiredness? What is the tiredness? How does a director
film that? As a writer you need to come up with an active, visual
way to show Alex get upset. He needs to do something. Same thing
with “Alex gets pissed off...” You’re a writer, you can do better
than that. What does Alex do? Film is visual - show the reader, do
not tell the reader.

Is this something you are going to direct?
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
directorik said:
You make a lot of “new writer” mistakes. Nothing that can’t be
fixed.

Scripts should be written in real time. You write:


Are you thinking we need to see the entire process of getting
dressed? Not very interesting.

And your use of “starts” is a beginners mistake. He doesn’t start
to look for his guy; he actually looks for it. People either do
something or they do nothing - people do not start doing
something. Keep your writing more active.

Same with words ending in “ing”. It’s more active to write: “Alex
and Tony walk” and then specify where. “NEIGHBORHOOD STREETS”
could be a dozen locations. If you are writing a montage, write a
montage. If you want a shot of them on “MAIN STREET” then write
that.


Due to the tiredness? What is the tiredness? How does a director
film that? As a writer you need to come up with an active, visual
way to show Alex get upset. He needs to do something. Same thing
with “Alex gets pissed off...” You’re a writer, you can do better
than that. What does Alex do? Film is visual - show the reader, do
not tell the reader.

Is this something you are going to direct?
Click to expand...

Yes I am going to direct it.
Its not like there is a narrator, these are just key ideas. I know what needs to happen. If it wasn't in script format it would be a lot better. And I'm only in 7th grade.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
kids fer real.. check..
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=35180

DirectoRick is right on the money. There is only NOW in a script, no past, no future.

Script writing is the HARDEST form of writing there is. Its much easier to write in book style. Scripts require you to express the MOST information in the LEAST words with all kinds of limitations. These limits are GOOD for your creativity, embrace them and your writing will get only better.

I don't care for your use of foul language, not just becuase your a kid, but because its lazy writing. All the characters SOUND the same.

You have good dialogue (bad language not withstanding) not too much explaining going on. feels pretty natural..

use your action blocks to your advantage.. for example..
"Alex gets extremely pissed off about the news."

Is kinda meaningless.. tell us what he does, not what he feels.

Alex balls his fist. Through clenched teeth
ALEX "who?"

Shows Alex as a cold blooded contained killer..

or..

Alex stops suddenly, turns and smashes his fist into a mail box.
ALEX: Who the ***?, IM gonna kill that **** mo**** ***!!!

In that version Alex is more of an excitable type..
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
AssDroidz Films said:
Yes I am going to direct it.
Its not like there is a narrator, these are just key ideas. I know what needs to happen. If it wasn't in script format it would be a lot better. And I'm only in 7th grade.
Click to expand...
No time like right now to become a better writer.

Getting the key ideas on paper is the first step. Asking for feedback is
the second step. Applying the new ideas is the third step. Even if you
are going to direct the movie the script is the foundation that everyone
stands on. When you, as the writer, set a strong foundation other people
can more easily understand what you want - what you are going for.
You know what needs to happen - write your script in a way that other
will know your intent.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
wheatgrinder said:
kids fer real.. check..
http://www.indietalk.com/showthread.php?t=35180

DirectoRick is right on the money. There is only NOW in a script, no past, no future.

Script writing is the HARDEST form of writing there is. Its much easier to write in book style. Scripts require you to express the MOST information in the LEAST words with all kinds of limitations. These limits are GOOD for your creativity, embrace them and your writing will get only better.

I don't care for your use of foul language, not just becuase your a kid, but because its lazy writing. All the characters SOUND the same.

You have good dialogue (bad language not withstanding) not too much explaining going on. feels pretty natural..

use your action blocks to your advantage.. for example..
"Alex gets extremely pissed off about the news."

Is kinda meaningless.. tell us what he does, not what he feels.

Alex balls his fist. Through clenched teeth
ALEX "who?"

Shows Alex as a cold blooded contained killer..

or..

Alex stops suddenly, turns and smashes his fist into a mail box.
ALEX: Who the ***?, IM gonna kill that **** mo**** ***!!!

In that version Alex is more of an excitable type..
Click to expand...

Thanks, you see, Public Schools, don't teach this. It sucks, my brother who is in high school teaches me more useful stuff than what Public schools do, they teach the same stuff, every year, in a different way, its pointless. I'm revising Framed right now.
 
Upvote 0 Downvote
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