I believe amazing dialogue is one of the most difficult challenges of writing a selling screenplay. Don’t get me wrong! Of course, it’s easy to write it. But it isn’t easy to write a dialogue which brings the story forward.
I mean following scene doesn’t bring the story forward, do it?:
Int. Blake’s family house, kitchen – early morning
GINA (50), James’ mother, is in kitchen. She puts some English breakfast into silver microwave. Gina adjusts the time. The microwave’s red LEDs shows 2 min. She presses the “Start”-Button.
Gina goes to the white metallic fridge. She takes a plastic bottle of orange juice from the fridge and a glass from the cupboards. Gina puts the glass down on kitchen unit. She pours orange juice into the glass.
Male voice (James) (O.S.)
(very loud)
Achoo!
Gina is surprised at the sound. Is James ill? She shakes her head and grabs the glass. Some orange juice is spilled. Yellow-orange spots are on the kitchen unit now. She lifts the glass and go to the table. Gina puts the glass down. The microwave peeps.
She takes the plate from the microwave.
Gina stops.
Cut to:
Int. Blake’s family house, James’ room – later
James lies in bed. His eyes and head are red. He sneezes and coughs heavily.
Someone opens the door. It’s Gina. Gina goes forwards to James’ bed and sits at the edge of the bed.
James sneezes again.
I mean following scene doesn’t bring the story forward, do it?:
Int. Blake’s family house, kitchen – early morning
GINA (50), James’ mother, is in kitchen. She puts some English breakfast into silver microwave. Gina adjusts the time. The microwave’s red LEDs shows 2 min. She presses the “Start”-Button.
Gina goes to the white metallic fridge. She takes a plastic bottle of orange juice from the fridge and a glass from the cupboards. Gina puts the glass down on kitchen unit. She pours orange juice into the glass.
Male voice (James) (O.S.)
(very loud)
Achoo!
Gina is surprised at the sound. Is James ill? She shakes her head and grabs the glass. Some orange juice is spilled. Yellow-orange spots are on the kitchen unit now. She lifts the glass and go to the table. Gina puts the glass down. The microwave peeps.
She takes the plate from the microwave.
James (O.S.)
Achoo!
Achoo!
Gina stops.
Cut to:
Int. Blake’s family house, James’ room – later
James lies in bed. His eyes and head are red. He sneezes and coughs heavily.
Someone opens the door. It’s Gina. Gina goes forwards to James’ bed and sits at the edge of the bed.
Gina
Are you ok?
Are you ok?
James sneezes again.
James
No.
Gina touches James’ forehead. It’s hot.No.
Gina
You’ve fever
James
(angry)
Oh Crap!
Gina
I know. The trip. But you stay home today. You’re ill. We go to the doctor later.
You’ve fever
James
(angry)
Oh Crap!
Gina
I know. The trip. But you stay home today. You’re ill. We go to the doctor later.