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watch Full Circle - Short Drama

T

tommygdawg

Hey all,

Just finished up this 6 minute short drama. What do you all think? Feedback is welcome :)

"A young woman fights for the last remaining piece of her old life."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwHPkq0_KZU

Thanks!
- Tommy
 
8salacious9 said:
il watch it once you tell me what you shot it on budget etc...
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It was shot on the Panasonic AF100 using the kit lens (Lumix 14-140 f/4.0-5.8), a Canon 50mm fd f/1.8, a Tamron 17-50mm f/2.8, and a Formula 5 Gold Crown 75-205mm f/3.5 lens. There was no budget for the film, we shot it in one day. Is there any other information I may provide?
 
tommygdawg said:
It was shot on the Panasonic AF100 using the kit lens (Lumix 14-140 f/4.0-5.8), a Canon 50mm fd f/1.8, a Tamron 17-50mm f/2.8, and a Formula 5 Gold Crown 75-205mm f/3.5 lens. There was no budget for the film, we shot it in one day. Is there any other information I may provide?
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ok so heres my honest critique, im also too honest btw so you may be offended buts its not intentional.

the beginning bit with the girl took too long, especially if its just her in one scene, the acting was ok however if someone pointed a gun to your head, adrenaline would kick in and you would do either two things, go nuts, or get really scared and start crying, unless you were a hardnut of course, so maybe a bit more realism there.

also the guy when he lost his gun just wasnt emotionally convincing for me.

but you did this on no budget, so very good but maybe just a bit more spice to it.

the storyline i got, again just wished it was a bit more emotionally connecting.

none the less a good job, look forward to your next project
 
Interesting points. I wasn't offended at all and it was indeed helpful. It's what you got from it and as long as people aren't spiteful in their criticism I'm totally okay with it. There's always something to learn. Thank you! :)
 
tommygdawg said:
Interesting points. I wasn't offended at all and it was indeed helpful. It's what you got from it and as long as people aren't spiteful in their criticism I'm totally okay with it. There's always something to learn. Thank you! :)
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out of interest what would you have done differently or refined if you had the chance to reshoot the same film?
 
Good question. I would have lengthened the script a bit, but not too much. I was really trying to keep it to a really short short, and I think in the process some connection to the character got lost. I think if too much was revealed, it wouldn't be effective. That is, I wanted to purposefully keep a lot of the character's history vague, as well as the origin's of the ring. It's really difficult to find the right balance for that.

I probably would have cast the mugger differently, but I didn't have a lot of choices, and while I think he did okay, it never quite got where I wanted. Also, in case anyone is wondering, I did actually direct and work with the actors. He did get better and could take direction, so I'm not hating on him or anything.

I don't necessarily agree with your thoughts about how she should have reacted to having a gun pointed at her. I think it's clear she's been in this lifestyle for some time, and is used to dealing with gangbangers and drug dealers who are most likely always packing heat. It's not the first time she's seen a gun. Also, she is going through some bad withdrawal at this point...which is another angle I'd like to play up if I was reshooting it, I don't that that necessarily came off very clearly.

A big thing for me would be to properly light and shoot the night time scene. I used all natural light with a reflector on some shots. This is one of my biggest issues with the film overall. There's also a few additional shots I would like to have gotten in there during the fight scene to help give that some more oomph as well.
 
I like the performance by the girl and the dealer. Not great, but good. The mugger was questionable.

Cinematography could've been better especially in the scenes at night.

I wasn't really feeling the story as well. I mean, it just happened and that was it. I wish the girl could've fought the temptation for her ring since like you said in the logline, it's the only thing that's left of her life. I wasn't emotionally attached at all when she gave that up. The ring became... well just a pricy ring. Now if you would've made the story a little bit longer and show her realizing that what she did was stupid and she regains it, mixed with some dialogue about her backstory, then I would've felt different.

Music was good though. And the sound design was a hit on the most part, but I think when you got to the night scenes, you just used the camera audio or something.

That's my opinion and I hope that helps. Good job putting everything together though and actually making a film!
 
justinisfilming said:
I like the performance by the girl and the dealer. Not great, but good. The mugger was questionable.

Cinematography could've been better especially in the scenes at night.

I wasn't really feeling the story as well. I mean, it just happened and that was it. I wish the girl could've fought the temptation for her ring since like you said in the logline, it's the only thing that's left of her life. I wasn't emotionally attached at all when she gave that up. The ring became... well just a pricy ring. Now if you would've made the story a little bit longer and show her realizing that what she did was stupid and she regains it, mixed with some dialogue about her backstory, then I would've felt different.

Music was good though. And the sound design was a hit on the most part, but I think when you got to the night scenes, you just used the camera audio or something.

That's my opinion and I hope that helps. Good job putting everything together though and actually making a film!
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Thanks so much! Out of interest, what didn't you like about the cinematography as a whole? What can I do to improve my cinematography for my next films?

I agree that the emotional connection may not have quite been there, but to make it longer and to add all that extra stuff about her getting it back and realizing what she'd done I think would have defeated the purpose of the film. The whole point is that she doesn't do that. The backstory was intentionally vague because I didn't find it entirely relevant to the action of the film, though perhaps it could have used some more fleshing out.

Glad you liked the music and most of the sound design. I did use mostly camera audio in the night scenes. I agree that it feels a bit thin. What I was going for was more of a sense of isolation, like there weren't people or anything around. Any ideas on how I could have made that better?

Thanks again for all the feedback, positive and negative, I really appreciate it :)
 
Mugger wasn't too great, girl was decent, and the dealer pretty much stole the show.

Good job though. You are limited to how well your audience connects when you have such a short film, but shorts are not normally made for that. I think audience connects with characters and stories, and in order to go in depth you have to go longer. I am currently in the process of making a short that should run around 30 min. so I hope to accomplish this.

I would have changed your drug of choice also. A woman that poor and desperate probably wouldn't be buying coke. Most likely something cheaper.
 
Scorer said:
Mugger wasn't too great, girl was decent, and the dealer pretty much stole the show.

Good job though. You are limited to how well your audience connects when you have such a short film, but shorts are not normally made for that. I think audience connects with characters and stories, and in order to go in depth you have to go longer. I am currently in the process of making a short that should run around 30 min. so I hope to accomplish this.

I would have changed your drug of choice also. A woman that poor and desperate probably wouldn't be buying coke. Most likely something cheaper.
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Thanks for the feedback and for watching. I should note that there many forms of drugs that can come in the form of white powder, including, but not limited to, cocaine, pcp, and heroin. So, make of it what you will.

Best of luck on your short, I look forward to seeing it when it comes out!
 
I find not having a budget or actors can sort of take you away from the moment. a lot can be said with just a few quick cuts and a building score. I did enjoy it though, being a no budget short, shot in 1 day.

good luck bro

matt
 
DCGreen said:
I find not having a budget or actors can sort of take you away from the moment. a lot can be said with just a few quick cuts and a building score. I did enjoy it though, being a no budget short, shot in 1 day.

good luck bro

matt
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Thanks, man. Glad to hear it. Thanks for watching and giving feedback :)
 
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