Need Ideas :\ New to film and script due in 4 days

AfroXIII

AfroXIII

Hey everyone, I'm Barry, 16 years of age and new to the forums and film and video altogether :) Any how, If you can answer some of the questions of I've included in the story I have below I would be more than happy :)
Also, if you can share all your ideas and changes to this concept, I would appreciate that too :)
(Big Question: should I include a short introduction in the film for both the main protagonists?

Idea:
In a local town, There is a horror film competition being held and two teenagers, Dylan and Leon are eager to win. The problem is, they both have no film and worse yet, they don't have a story to develop. With that in mind they still throw away all odds and schedule a date and location to film in.
Dylan, On the way to the designated film location, receives a call from Leon notifying him that he's arrival will be late. Dylan replies and states for Leon to take his time. After hanging up the phone, Dylan arrives at the location and begins waiting, as time passes...
[COLOR="Blue"(1. How would I show time passing as he waits?)[/COLOR]

...Dylan notices footsteps outlined in chalk leading towards a bush area. Just before he sets out to follow the trail, Leon calls again and says he's going to be later than he had expected. Dylan then sets out to follow the trail of footsteps.
After some time of following the trail...
[COLOR="Blue"](2. Again, How would I show time passing as he follows the trail?)[/COLOR]

...he nears a dark swamp like area. Leon calls and says he’s almost there. Dylan states to take his time once more and turns around to find that the footsteps he has been following have been erased. Leon hangs up and Dylan searches around for the trail.

After sometime, he still he cannot find any steps. In confusion of looking for an exit, he begins jogging and following the footsteps which seamed to lead nowhere.
(3. How can I show that following the footsteps are he's only options?)

Eventually, he nears the end of the trail. Near the last footstep is a tree with an X centered on it and 2 arrows curving around behind the tree. On the X is a shovel bolted and below it in bold letters, KEY is outlined with an arrow also pointing down the tree towards the ground. Dylan first walks behind the tree, spots a chained and locked chest with EXIT written above it.

He then cautiously walks behind the tree unbolts the shovel and begins digging. He acquires the key and slowly inserts it into the chest. As the key locks inside, Dylan twists and unlocks the chest. With care he slowly opens the chest and hears a stick cracking close by, almost as if it was just behind.

Dylan alerted by this, lowers the chest and hastily turns back to notice a dark figure. Before he could see who or what it was, the figure had knocked him unconscious. [Screen fades to black]

Dylan wakes to find himself strapped to a chair, with 2 metal wires duct taped across his forearms. The wires seemed to be connected to somewhere in the dark room.

Now this is the part where I'm really stuck, what should I include here? some of my thoughts were to include the box in the room with perhaps a poster of the Horror Film Festival as an ending after revealing that Leon was behind the whole event. But also need emphasis on that. I have run out of ideas and need help :huh: I need something which serves as an interesting body to the film and leads into a nice resolution. Or maybe even a scary turn of events as Leon gets greedy about winning the competition and perhaps decides to kill Dylan to turn the film into a horror type genre.
My teacher suggested that I show Dylan being electrocuted to further increase tension and keep the audience interested. I cant remember much of what he said, but something along the lines of including a voice in the room, which asks numerous questions about Dylan then jolting him after failing questions? in the end, my teacher said to have 3 judges in a room with a laptop and a surveillance cam type video from the dark room of Leon walking over to kill Dylan. Then the judges become appalled or shocked and therefore they think the film should win.

I will script this idea once I've covered a nice story, I just need to make sure from the experts and professionals that I have a solid foundation and idea to film on which is why I need your help.
 
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I'm going to assume this is a short film for class (correct me if I'm wrong)...

So, it's my understanding that what you need most for your story is an ending, and you can't decide between a "gotcha" or an actual horror ending? I'd say do whichever one you want (although I find it surprising that your teacher is encouraging further violence -- in my school that would NEVER fly). Personally I think the "gotcha" endings are way overdone, so I'd opt for the other one. But like I said, this is entirely up to you, and it may simply depend on how many ideas you have for either option.

As for your "big" question, it's always good to introduce/develop characters before you send them through hell, so that the audience has a chance to form a sort of bond with that character. This is true of pretty much any narrative art -- not just film. One way you could do this (off the top of my head), is starting out with a scene of the two of them tossing around ideas for their film. That would be a great opportunity to introduce the dynamics of their friendship (through dialogue), their mannerisms, the story (conflict), and whatever else. As an audience member, if I get to see the characters in a natural state first (just hanging out and brainstorming ideas), it's much easier for me to connect with them, and then when the story progresses and it all hits the fan, I will maintain that connection and care about the characters.

For passing the time, you could do things such as Dylan sighing, looking at his watch, some wide-angle shots of him and his surroundings (to show that no one's around), cutting to a later time in the day, etc. But if it were me (and if it isn't required for your script), I would leave transitions and such a little vague. Especially if you're new at it and have a hard time visualizing how everything will fit together, I would leave things like that up to the imagination of the director. All it will do now is bog you down with superfluous details.

In the same way with getting lost, I'd leave it somewhat vague. You can definitely add things like Dylan looking around frantically, his breathing quickens, the camera darts around at the forest around him, etc. But that's as far as I'd go at this stage.

It seems like you have most of your other ideas set. Keep in mind, though, that I'm not an expert here. Somebody else's opinion may completely differ from mind. In the end, it comes down to your own vision for how it should come together. If it's your first time, it will most likely suck, but don't let that deter you from trying again! Write with the production in mind -- for example, if the getting lost in the forest part takes place at night, it will require a lot of artificial lighting, and therefore a lot of hassle, when you're shooting it. But if this is a first draft or something, then write whatever you want!

Anyway that's all I have. Take it with a grain or two of salt.
Good luck!
 
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...Dylan notices footsteps outlined in chalk leading towards a bush area....wy....wy does he folow it?

Same thing for the Box...he wants to get out of the forest, but instead he opens boxes? Wy? Its importand to know wy joure protagonist Does those things, and joure story has only one, not two.

Also electrocution sounds like a cliche. Do jou remember that movie, Hard Candy? In one scene the protagonist bals are removed, jou dont see it....but its one of the best torture shenes I have seen. There is more removed from this man than his bals.....He loses his manliness, his future to have children and his ability to sin and molest.....make the torthere more personal.
That was the beauty of Oldboy, in the end jou understand wy the antagonist does the things hoe does....and jou understand wy.
 
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What about having the chest contain the body and gear of another film student (you could allude to the other student by having Dylan pass a missing persons poster on campus)? When Dylan sees what's in the chest, he turns just in time to see Leon crack him with the shovel. Fade To Black.
 
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First do a outline/treatment..get your creative juices flowing...i can tell you to get in a writing grove will help. Once you revise you story a few times then write a proper script.....its part of the process and its how things are done. Even when you are writing your scipt you will be revising throught that process.
Use locations and people around you. Use your imagination with what you have written and your tools/locations/people adv. to you. Review your writing and have others review it for you as well. Devlopement should be big on your list. Then when you are satified do you post detail work..scouting, props find a cast and crew.
 
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Pete said:
I'm going to assume this is a short film for class (correct me if I'm wrong)...

So, it's my understanding that what you need most for your story is an ending, and you can't decide between a "gotcha" or an actual horror ending? I'd say do whichever one you want (although I find it surprising that your teacher is encouraging further violence -- in my school that would NEVER fly). Personally I think the "gotcha" endings are way overdone, so I'd opt for the other one. But like I said, this is entirely up to you, and it may simply depend on how many ideas you have for either option.

As for your "big" question, it's always good to introduce/develop characters before you send them through hell, so that the audience has a chance to form a sort of bond with that character. This is true of pretty much any narrative art -- not just film. One way you could do this (off the top of my head), is starting out with a scene of the two of them tossing around ideas for their film. That would be a great opportunity to introduce the dynamics of their friendship (through dialogue), their mannerisms, the story (conflict), and whatever else. As an audience member, if I get to see the characters in a natural state first (just hanging out and brainstorming ideas), it's much easier for me to connect with them, and then when the story progresses and it all hits the fan, I will maintain that connection and care about the characters.

For passing the time, you could do things such as Dylan sighing, looking at his watch, some wide-angle shots of him and his surroundings (to show that no one's around), cutting to a later time in the day, etc. But if it were me (and if it isn't required for your script), I would leave transitions and such a little vague. Especially if you're new at it and have a hard time visualizing how everything will fit together, I would leave things like that up to the imagination of the director. All it will do now is bog you down with superfluous details.

In the same way with getting lost, I'd leave it somewhat vague. You can definitely add things like Dylan looking around frantically, his breathing quickens, the camera darts around at the forest around him, etc. But that's as far as I'd go at this stage.

It seems like you have most of your other ideas set. Keep in mind, though, that I'm not an expert here. Somebody else's opinion may completely differ from mind. In the end, it comes down to your own vision for how it should come together. If it's your first time, it will most likely suck, but don't let that deter you from trying again! Write with the production in mind -- for example, if the getting lost in the forest part takes place at night, it will require a lot of artificial lighting, and therefore a lot of hassle, when you're shooting it. But if this is a first draft or something, then write whatever you want!

Anyway that's all I have. Take it with a grain or two of salt.
Good luck!
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for your advice, I appreciate it so much :D It's helped me out a great deal already just from reading it :)

Feutus Lapdance said:
...Dylan notices footsteps outlined in chalk leading towards a bush area....wy....wy does he folow it?

Same thing for the Box...he wants to get out of the forest, but instead he opens boxes? Wy? Its importand to know wy joure protagonist Does those things, and joure story has only one, not two.

Also electrocution sounds like a cliche. Do jou remember that movie, Hard Candy? In one scene the protagonist bals are removed, jou dont see it....but its one of the best torture shenes I have seen. There is more removed from this man than his bals.....He loses his manliness, his future to have children and his ability to sin and molest.....make the torthere more personal.
That was the beauty of Oldboy, in the end jou understand wy the antagonist does the things hoe does....and jou understand wy.
Click to expand...

I understand what you mean by cliche but remember, this is just a school film and I must keep it to a general standard as the film will be played to an audience of roughly 800 students. :) The principal and staff of the school would not exactly approve of balls being removed affront a wide audience of youths :) haha. Nonetheless I understand what you mean by cliche and would like to ask, what kind of scene do you see fit for this part in the story? I am still in the mind-battling process of what to include in it in order to grab the audiences fears or perhaps atbleast hold them in suspense.

Psychosis Media said:
First do a outline/treatment..get your creative juices flowing...i can tell you to get in a writing grove will help. Once you revise you story a few times then write a proper script.....its part of the process and its how things are done. Even when you are writing your scipt you will be revising throught that process.
Use locations and people around you. Use your imagination with what you have written and your tools/locations/people adv. to you. Review your writing and have others review it for you as well. Devlopement should be big on your list. Then when you are satified do you post detail work..scouting, props find a cast and crew.
Click to expand...
For some reason, my mind only allows me to be in the creative writing state just before I go to bed :( I have been in creative writing states in day but find it hard to concentrate. And lately, my mind just seems to get frustrated with repetitive thinking of a certain part of my story. I must ask, how do you cope with situations such as those? and how do you usually get into your creative writing state? these questions go towards anyone on here
 
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Lucky Hardwood said:
What about having the chest contain the body and gear of another film student (you could allude to the other student by having Dylan pass a missing persons poster on campus)? When Dylan sees what's in the chest, he turns just in time to see Leon crack him with the shovel. Fade To Black.
Click to expand...

Hey, thats a great idea :) thank you, I think thats perfect :)
 
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AfroXIII said:
For some reason, my mind only allows me to be in the creative writing state just before I go to bed :( I have been in creative writing states in day but find it hard to concentrate. And lately, my mind just seems to get frustrated with repetitive thinking of a certain part of my story. I must ask, how do you cope with situations such as those? and how do you usually get into your creative writing state? these questions go towards anyone on here
Click to expand...


pen and paper or a recorder within grabbing distance from your bed..when you have an idea write it down or use recorder. Workout, play video games...anything to get your mind off of the script. Its counter productive to think of the story line all the time, your mind will just go in circles....so make sure you set time aside to do something else and do not think of the script. It will help.

I also watch alot of movies and reading lots helps too. I like working on my car, doing suff. Just sitting there writing ALL the time again is counter productive. Get out and about, hang with local writers and filmakers and such..you will be amazed how much insperation will come if you let your mind play a little.
 
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AfroXIII said:
I understand what you mean by cliche but remember, this is just a school film and I must keep it to a general standard as the film will be played to an audience of roughly 800 students. :) The principal and staff of the school would not exactly approve of balls being removed affront a wide audience of youths :) haha. Nonetheless I understand what you mean by cliche and would like to ask, what kind of scene do you see fit for this part in the story? I am still in the mind-battling process of what to include in it in order to grab the audiences fears or perhaps atbleast hold them in suspense.
Click to expand...

HMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm..........maby the Antagonist wants to force the Protagonist to love him. He can make the Protagonist beatyful, cam his hear, put some lipstick on him and put some eaylashes on. He wants the Protagonist to play along and, force him to say redicilus love statments. Maby the Antagonist has a love pome he wants the Protagonist tho reverse. Jou can make some kind of Shoe lock with nails sticking out. Every Time the Protagonist makes a mistake or is not convincing....a nail is bangt in the wood piercing its feed. Also the Antagonist tapes evrything. Later on...... jou can let the Protogonist escape and find a shelf ful of tapes with forced love statments........he is not the first Victim and now he is slowt down, becouse his feed are mest up. The scene wil be more bizare if the Antagonist and Protaganist are both Male. The Antagonist should be realy sweet to the Protagonist. Sweet and loving like the love in this = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5OlolbLXvw/watch?v=i5OlolbLXvw

Easy to make.....but jou need 2 realy good actors.
 
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Feutus Lapdance said:
HMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm..........maby the Antagonist wants to force the Protagonist to love him. He can make the Protagonist beatyful, cam his hear, put some lipstick on him and put some eaylashes on. He wants the Protagonist to play along and, force him to say redicilus love statments. Maby the Antagonist has a love pome he wants the Protagonist tho reverse. Jou can make some kind of Shoe lock with nails sticking out. Every Time the Protagonist makes a mistake or is not convincing....a nail is bangt in the wood piercing its feed. Also the Antagonist tapes evrything. Later on...... jou can let the Protogonist escape and find a shelf ful of tapes with forced love statments........he is not the first Victim and now he is slowt down, becouse his feed are mest up. The scene wil be more bizare if the Antagonist and Protaganist are both Male. The Antagonist should be realy sweet to the Protagonist. Sweet and loving like the love in this = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5OlolbLXvw/watch?v=i5OlolbLXvw

Easy to make.....but jou need 2 realy good actors.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the rep :) umm, well I think that is a great idea however, the Acting would be a serious issue. Nontheless, Ill remember that idea for later, thank you.
 
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