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Old 05-04-2018, 11:33 AM   #1
Script-ore
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Caution What about this logline?

Hi everybody!

I have recently finished working on a script, so I'm thinking about starting new projects.

What about the following logline? Do you think it works?

I'm not very skilled in writing loglines. Hence, your help will be deeply appreciated

LOGLINE (SHORT FILM)

In the frenetic City of Turin, an apathetic mail carrier, a mid-aged woman who's afraid to talk to strangers, loses her dog, the only mate in her lonely life, but thanks to the help of an energetic and carefree girl, she finds the dog and rediscovers the poetry of fellowship in the little things.

Thanks!
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Old 05-04-2018, 11:46 AM   #2
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It's a little rosy sounding. PS. You give away the ending. Add some tension. She's afraid to talk to strangers in a metropolis, play on that and don't give away the ending...
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Old 05-04-2018, 11:48 AM   #3
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Is she a recluse or does he get out? I'll take a stab at it.
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Old 05-04-2018, 11:57 AM   #4
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Thanks for your advice! No ending, more tension. I'll work on that!
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Old 05-04-2018, 12:18 PM   #5
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A young woman who suffers from social anxiety disorder is forced to face her fears in the search for her lost dog and discovers a life she never knew existed.

SOMETHING like that... not perfect...

SIMPLER version

A young woman is forced to face her fears in the search for her lost dog and discovers a life she never knew existed.

Her name and profession can work too...

Betty, a young attorney, is forced to face her fears in the search for her lost dog and discovers a life she never knew existed.
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Old 05-04-2018, 12:31 PM   #6
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If the friendship is important you can write in a bond, or friendship. etc.
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Old 05-04-2018, 01:10 PM   #7
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In the search for her lost dog, a young woman discovers a new friendship, and a new life, when she is forced to overcome her social anxiety disorder.
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Old 05-04-2018, 01:36 PM   #8
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All loglines posted by you sound great to me!

I would say that I prefer the last version since it indirectly mentions "the girl" met by the protagonist, considering that she's supposed to play a quite important role (she helps the protagonist to overcome her social anxiety).

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Old 05-04-2018, 01:46 PM   #9
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