How do I write these scene changes?

harmonica44 · Jul 29, 2011

For my last feature, which got proofread I got mixed opinions of how to write a scene change.

Here's a sample:

"EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD, LAURENTIEN MOUNTAINS, QUEBEC -- DAY

A car drives up the road to the top.

There is a building on top of the mountain and the car pull up in front of it, next to two other parked cars --

There is a man standing in front of the building looking around below to other places in his view --

The two men exit the car and walk up to the building --

One gives a certain type of knock on the door, to indicate that it's them, and they of them walk in --

INT. BUILDING -- DAY

They open the door and there are two men already inside.

TRUDEAU, 58, is standing near the door, to see who comes in --

MANNING, 25, is sitting in chair, tired and nervous --

On the floor is SALINA, 35, tied up and gagged, with a hood tied around her eyes --

EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE -- DAY

The store is on another lower mountain away from the other.

A cop car pulls up and an LIEUTENANT TYLER BLACK, 28, of the Surete du Quebec Police Force, gets out --

He looks at the nice view of the mountain with the building and notices the cars parked in front --

He then walks into the store, while staring at it --"

I was told that I should put EXT. BUILDING DAY in between the firs two lines, but then another script writer with experience told me no, and that would look amature, if it's not necessary. Not just was this scene but with other scenes throughout that share the same example.

Also when the scene changes to a store on top of another mountain, did I change the scene right or do I have to describe that it's nearby in the scene heading, rather than the description? I would guess no, but wanna be sure. Thanks.

mad_hatter · Jul 29, 2011

If I were you, I’d have the first scene headed as EXT. BUILDING – DAY, instead of telling us which particular mountain range this is, as that doesn’t mean anything to the reader (me) and there is only one line of action set on the ROAD. As for the location, i.e. the mountains, briefly describe them to us in your first line of action. That will better tell the reader what they’ll see on screen. I don’t know what the LAURENTIEN MOUNTAINS, QUEBEC look like, I assume snowy, but I could be completely wrong.

The fact that the store is nearby is irrelevant, we can’t see that fact on screen. If, somehow, we can see that, describe the fact to us… How do we know? Write that down. Writing something like “The store is on another lower mountain away from the other" is unnecessary.

CHamburger · Jul 29, 2011

I agree with Hatter. And I might add, that scene changes need to be adequately described only in so much as what the viewer will see. The location of the store being on a lower level is something you;d write in a novel.

A good thing to remember when writing scenes for scripts is: There's always something different in each scene, something unique. Even in one location the action is always changing-if it doesn't you've got nothing going on.

You don't need to signal relevance to each scene with regards to the other scene or to your entire story for that matter. Sure Quentin Tarrantino does this but he only writes shooting scripts that he already has the money for. When you get there, you can put things like "its on another level". You don't need to focus on why he/she is there just what they're doing there and the rest should be self explanatory.

Just focus on logical scene transitions(I don't mean cut to: dissolve etc. I mean the flow of scenes, a person fighting in an alley way in one scene won't be on the snowy alps the next unless thats your story.

wheatgrinder · Jul 29, 2011

good tips those ^^^^ Id add, that there is no "past" or "future" in a screen play.

"Already inside" has no meaning. There are men inside is whats important.

The car rounds the corner and crests the hill. The car rolls past two cars and stops near the entrance to the building. The doors open and the two men exit the car and walk to the building entrance. The black coated sentry, MP5 in hand, stands by the entrance as the two men approach. The two men reach the door and knock.

(I made that up about the sentry, Im not sure what the guy is doing by the door and if he goes in or not.. )

...

CHamburger · Jul 29, 2011

wheatgrinder said:
good tips those ^^^^ Id add, that there is no "past" or "future" in a screen play.

"Already inside" has no meaning. There are men inside is whats important.

Great advice. You can't signal time changes like that unless you do it visually or some cheesy voice over, which personally I find boring unless accompanied by stellar visuals. Also voiceovers won't work for fast paced actions like what you've got. Like everyone here says, focus on what the audience will see in conjunction with propelling your story. Do that and the rest is technical difficulties.

harmonica44 · Jul 29, 2011

Well I described the road, because a car chase happens down the road, soon after. And I described that the store was nearby cause the cop looks suspiciously at what's going on. Are these descriptions unnecessary? Should I only describe the mountain road, when the chase happens later then?

Also once the guys get inside the building they set up a camera, laptop and tripod for their crime they are going to commit. But the time it takes to set it up could be a few minutes, and I don't wanna shoot all that or make the reader believe that all that happens, without skipping ahead, cause you might as well not waste time and skip ahead. So do I write it like:

INT. BUILDING -- DAY

They set up a tripod, and camera, and hook up a laptop to the camera feed.

Or do I write it as:

INT. BUILDING -- DAY

They pull out a tripod --

MOMENTS LATER

They have a tripod, camera, and laptop hooked into the camera feed, ready to go.

If it skips ahead do I have to write moments later like I saw in a couple of scripts, so the reader doesn't think that the whole process is shown?

harmonica44 · Jul 29, 2011

CHamburger said:
I agree with Hatter. And I might add, that scene changes need to be adequately described only in so much as what the viewer will see. The location of the store being on a lower level is something you;d write in a novel.

A good thing to remember when writing scenes for scripts is: There's always something different in each scene, something unique. Even in one location the action is always changing-if it doesn't you've got nothing going on.

You don't need to signal relevance to each scene with regards to the other scene or to your entire story for that matter. Sure Quentin Tarrantino does this but he only writes shooting scripts that he already has the money for. When you get there, you can put things like "its on another level". You don't need to focus on why he/she is there just what they're doing there and the rest should be self explanatory.

Just focus on logical scene transitions(I don't mean cut to: dissolve etc. I mean the flow of scenes, a person fighting in an alley way in one scene won't be on the snowy alps the next unless thats your story.

Well the cop at the convenience store looks to the other mountain with the villains on and notices something suspicious so that is relevant. Did I write it to mislead readers into thinking it's not?

CHamburger · Jul 29, 2011

I would write it the first way. Write now you;re writing a script that someone else will read(unless you;re planning on making it yourself in which case it doesn't matter and you should be posting less and making the meetings that need to be made).

I say the first way because, its up to the editor whoever that may be to determine how much screen time is used for the setting up of your tripod crime accoutrements. How it'll probably be edited is a quick cut kinda deal where two seconds they're setting up a tripod, then setting up the camera, then shot of them opening the laptop; or you can just have them begin to set up kind of implying the setup then next scene its already setup. You don't have to show everything.

Only describe your car chase when it happens. Its not a novel and you don't need to foreshadow through writing you do it through visuals or dialogue. Beware though sometimes the foreshadowing is sophisticated sometimes its just dumb and pointless. If you wanna display suspicion on the cops part just write that, you don't need to put it in conext "because the store's closeby" just write cop surveys the area suspiciously.

Also things like a signal knock or things that make your story unique should be specific. like instead of how you have it create a specific knock and write that. "One man knocks rapidly threes times followed by two slower knocks. The door opens, they enter." Gives the reader a more specific image and thus a more specific story and character which is where you wanna write towards.

a.p · Jul 29, 2011

alright, when you write a script, you're writing a story, obviously. however, you're not writing the conventional novel. all you need to do as a script-write, all you are doing is providing dialogue and visual stimuli. don't tell what's nearby, don't specify in the scene change where you are, tell that in the dialogue or the action line.

keep away from future and past, as someone already said. don't focus on what will be or what has happened except in the dialogue, in the action, only focus on what IS CURRENTLY happening.

for the scene change, in your example, slim it down to :
EXT. - MOUNTAIN ROAD - DAY

A car drives up the road to the top. There is a building on top of the mountain and the car pull up in front of it, next to two other parked cars. There is a man standing in front of the building looking around below to other places in his view. The two men exit the car and walk up to the building. One gives a certain type of knock on the door, to indicate that it's them, and they of them walk in.

Man A
Why are we in Quebec? Where are we even?

Man B
We're in the Laurentien Mountains to do a job you imbecile.

etc, etc.

hope that helped.

-A.P

harmonica44 · Jul 29, 2011

Okay thanks. Well the two men know where they are and they discussed it before they went there. So it wouldn't make sense to establish where they are after they arrived.

I'll just write it without the moments later then. I just thought the reader would think I was taking too long for everything to be set up maybe. So some say to use CONTINUOUS if the scene changes are continuous, as in this case for example. But should I or is that not cool nowadays?