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A story for a little girl (or someone else...)

TheArtist

TheArtist

Hey, hi.


Since I'm tring to build my story around the actors I have (I found it unproductive the other way around), I'm trying to write something where a little girl would be the main char.



I'm looking for a 10 minute format, approximately.


I had an idea but I'm not convinced (I never am).

It would be about a little girl telling in Voice Over (I have a fiend who has a studio) her story. She would tell how she was "bred" to be a perfect wife. She's been taught how to take care of the household and how to please men. As she shows signs of maturity very early, a husband is found for her (actress is 12) by her mother, eager to collect the bride price. She follows whatever her parents want her to do because she was taught respect and obedience and she really can't see why not after all.


The day she visits her husband to be, she wanders in his house and finds a hidden room. Inside, she finds tortured Barbie dolls, with headless bodies, scary makeups, torn hair and evidence of violence. She realizes the monster he is and decides to do the world a favor. She goes home, and sets up a plan for shooting him. After murdering him, she realizes that if was kindda fun, and that killing such monsters was her calling.


That's how far I went with it before asking myself if it wasn't too dark for a little girl. I'm really having a lot of trouble seeing the world through a girl's eyes.


I wish I could show you the actual text but it's in formal French and I'll have a lot of trouble translating it.


If you know a few good movies about little girls as narrators, feel free to drop the names !

And if there's a theme you think is appropriate and interesting for a little girl, please do tell !
 
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That's a cool idea. I like it up to the point where she murders him. I think the audience should be sympathetic to the girl. Maybe the girl is scared when the finds the room but her mother pushes her to continue seeing him. The climax involving the girl defending for herself in a chase/fight with the guy. Just a few ideas that popped up. Sounds cool though!
 
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Stories about little girls getting married and doing things little girls normally don't do is risky territory, as this stands now, for me, you're on the wrong side of the safe area.
 
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Thank you both for your insight.

Maybe the girl is scared when the finds the room but her mother pushes her to continue seeing him
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She is scared at first but in a moment of clarity, she stops being scared, accepting her destiny. I'd show that change of perspective by switching music, from organs (Dr Manhattan story in Watchmen) to a little guitar for example.

Her mother would be totally careless of her girl's problems. She won't even listen to her, to busy making plans, and fantasizing about money. As a narrator, she would tell that too, while I show her facing her mother, trying to talk to her (I wish I could draw so I could make a storyboard)




Can you explain what is risky Brian ?
 
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The story just seems a bit shallow, like there's no reason to care for the little girl when she turns into a murderer. Brian is also right, it's pretty risky to be going that route with the character, having a little girl get a husband and come to realization she's meant to kill people. Might need some luck casting that role.
 
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Well, I'm not convinced either. I like the beginning but I can't find a follow up that matches it and that leads to a proper ending.


I don't mind doing something totally different and less psychological but I need inspiration.
 
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Watch Tideland. An incredibly disturbing movie, done from a little girl's perspective, filled with odd whimsy. As an adult it is really uncomfortable and awkward to watch. But once you can get into her character, you can see things a little differently.

Anyway, back to your concept. If all the little girl knows is to be a subserviant wife, would she really plan to kill her husband on seeing signs of violence? How did she learn that this is the act of a monster? What would tell her "this is wrong" instead of "this is how the world is"?

I like the idea; it's definitely a good start.
 
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Thanks I'll be sure to check it out.


The way I see it is that the girl is actually very smart and very wise. She does what her parents say because well, they are her parents, and God wants kids to be very respectful to their parents. She's been taught cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, being beautiful and polite. She doesn't see how such education is wrong (she is not a feminist). She hopes that one day she will run her own household, will have a husband that takes good care of her and healthy children of her own to love.

What more is there to life ?

But then, she is confronted to reality. Men are not charming princes. And she understand that "this is how the world is" but knows that it is wrong. She summons in herself the will to do something about it, the way Batman did something to save what he could of Gotham :D.

Well, Batman didn't kill on purpose...


OR ! She plans to kill him, she is ready to do so but at the last moment, someone she knows steps in and stops her from doing it because killing people ain't right either. Gotta find out who's this guy now..
 
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TheArtist said:
Hey, hi.


Since I'm tring to build my story around the actors I have (I found it unproductive the other way around), I'm trying to write something where a little girl would be the main char.



I'm looking for a 10 minute format, approximately.


I had an idea but I'm not convinced (I never am).

It would be about a little girl telling in Voice Over (I have a fiend who has a studio) her story. She would tell how she was "bred" to be a perfect wife. She's been taught how to take care of the household and how to please men. As she shows signs of maturity very early, a husband is found for her (actress is 12) by her mother, eager to collect the bride price. She follows whatever her parents want her to do because she was taught respect and obedience and she really can't see why not after all.


The day she visits her husband to be, she wanders in his house and finds a hidden room. Inside, she finds tortured Barbie dolls, with headless bodies, scary makeups, torn hair and evidence of violence. She realizes the monster he is and decides to do the world a favor. She goes home, and sets up a plan for shooting him. After murdering him, she realizes that if was kindda fun, and that killing such monsters was her calling.


That's how far I went with it before asking myself if it wasn't too dark for a little girl. I'm really having a lot of trouble seeing the world through a girl's eyes.


I wish I could show you the actual text but it's in formal French and I'll have a lot of trouble translating it.


If you know a few good movies about little girls as narrators, feel free to drop the names !

And if there's a theme you think is appropriate and interesting for a little girl, please do tell !
Click to expand...

Sounds like a cool idea. Also sounds like an idea that would receive some audience pathos which is even better. As far as translating, copy paste it into freetranslations.com and bam, some words might be left depending on teh dialect. You said its formal french so you shoudl be good.
 
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My story begins like any girl's of my age.

Early on, I was taught to meet the burden placed on my femininity. Serve and smile were my first lessons. Later, I learned beauty, desire and loyalty. Distinguishing myself by rapid learning, I was quickly put on the marriage market by my mother. A parade of men invaded the house. And the decision was made. I did not understand until later that only money motivated the final choice. Obedient, I allowed myself to my fate, convinced that my destiny was not up to me.


A visit to my future husband was arranged. Given my youth, I was allowed to participate. Little and lost among all the adults, no one paid attention to me. Yet I was the recurring theme of their discussions. I focused my attention on the man going to become my husband. His perfect features hid a hideous face.

The thought of his hands on my body made me quiver with fear. I stood up and went for a walk in the house. At the mercy of doors and corridors, my wandering brought me to a door left ajar. (GIRL opens the door slowly, looking blindly for the switch with her fingers, switchs it on).


A monster.


Petrified, it's close to tears that I got home.
Click to expand...


That's my first draft. Didn't go further because then I started to wonder. It's like a Film Noir with a 12 year old girl as the main protagonist.
 
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Thats a good start, I would watch with the voice overs though, sometimes they can be a little daunting. They're best when accompanied by a really strong beginning. Maybe a parallel could be voice over while shooting scenes of the poverty the girl comes from to show why she would be married off at such a young age.
 
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Yea I mean it can go either way but a poor girl being married off for money is more [plausible than a rich girl being married off for money. Unless your Jane Austin and its teh 18th Century in which case shoot yourself in teh head lol(Austin is why girls pick out wedding dresses at 8)

Also I saw you had north Africa in your location so I thought getting shots of the poverty in the surrounding area would do well with establishing a theme for your story.
 
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I think this would be great in a thriller/action kind of movie, for the back story of a the main character. However, that means your main actress won't be the 12 years old girl anymore, and the sequence you described would only be a quick flash back during a part of the film.
 
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THIS CALLS TO MIND THE SHOCKING STORY OF A YOUNG GIRL WHO WAS SOLD BY HER FATHER TO A 30 YEAR-OLD RICH MAN, BECAUSE OF POVERTY. THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AN AGREEMENT THAT THE MAN COULD NOT TOUCH THE 12 YEAR-OLD GIRL UNTIL SHE WAS AN ADULT. BUT, HE TOUCHED HER ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. THIS HAPPENED IN YEMEN. IT SHOCKED THE WORLD.
 
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I found a similar story : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/08/13-year-old-yemeni-bride_n_530349.html


Yeah, that gives some legitimacy to my short then. And I hate it so much when dumb people use God to justify such atrocities. Islamic, my ass. I should add a religious touch to the script. How she believes in God and how she is convinced that is not what God wants for his little girls.


Synia, since I only have a little girl available as a credible actor, I can't really enjoy much freedom on my script. Consider this to be Part 1. The idea is to shoot something because so far I have nothing to show when I say to people I'm a Director.
 
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TheArtist said:
Synia, since I only have a little girl available as a credible actor, I can't really enjoy much freedom on my script. Consider this to be Part 1. The idea is to shoot something because so far I have nothing to show when I say to people I'm a Director.
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Haha, yeah, i thought about it after i posted that and remembered this is only a 10 minute short as oppose to a feature. I still think this'd make a great intro to good story. ( though personally, i wouldn't direct anything like this just because i'm not a big fan of blood and gore, but that's just personal taste. )
 
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