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Thoughts on my idea for a short film.

Alright so the antagonist has a fatal accident and is slowly dying, and while he is un-conscious he enters his dream world. He must find the door to escape the dream world and find the door to reality so that he doesn't slip into a coma.

I've thought of some different scenes specifically, for example when he is getting defibrillated the world around him could be starting to collapse.

Any thoughts on how I could improve my idea, or any additions you think might help?
 
What I think is that you've perfectly described the plot of "Jacob's Ladder." Also "Mulholland Drive" covers this ground. And I've seen several other movies or TV shows that follow that plot.

So I'd look for more of an original twist.
 
Cool idea, but as dirty said, there should be some sort of original twist you don't see coming. Maybe instead of finding a door, it's something more meaningful. Maybe he's normally kind of an a-hole, wronged a lot of people. He has to find a way to make it right, and these dream worlds are constructed to help him figure out how to fix his wrongs....


Just an idea.
 
What I think is that you've perfectly described the plot of "Jacob's Ladder." Also "Mulholland Drive" covers this ground. And I've seen several other movies or TV shows that follow that plot.

So I'd look for more of an original twist.

It's been a long time since I saw it but isn't Jacob's Ladder about a guy
who imagines a complete set of life experiences in the brief moments after being hit with a fatal gunshot?

Was the hero also looking for a way to cheat death?
 
Cool idea, but as dirty said, there should be some sort of original twist you don't see coming. Maybe instead of finding a door, it's something more meaningful. Maybe he's normally kind of an a-hole, wronged a lot of people. He has to find a way to make it right, and these dream worlds are constructed to help him figure out how to fix his wrongs....


Just an idea.

Yeah I might just try to add a bit more originality to it thanks for the advice!
 
... isn't Jacob's Ladder about ... the hero also looking for a way to cheat death?
It's a well crafted story of the guy making sense of his life which alternates between normal and hellish until he finds redemption and release.

Alright so the antagonist has a fatal accident and is slowly dying, and while he is un-conscious he enters his dream world. He must find the door to escape the dream world and find the door to reality so that he doesn't slip into a coma.

I've thought of some different scenes specifically, for example when he is getting defibrillated the world around him could be starting to collapse.

Any thoughts on how I could improve my idea, or any additions you think might help?

It's a short, not a feature film. Even feature films nowadays seem to just repackage ideas--"A Team", "True Grit", "Smurfs" :weird:, etc. Don't worry too much about twists but focus on a convincing story.

I like the concept. If he's dying, slipping into a coma is the least of his worries. My suggestion would be to toss in a "friend". Make it unclear if the 'friend' is there to help or hinder finding the right door. Have him resolve the conflict with the friend as part of the escape. Now you have at least four choices after resolving the conflict: (1) the 'friend' shows him the right door and he lives ("happy ending"), (2) the 'friend' shows him the right door and he passes on ("somewhat happy"), (3) the 'friend' fades but the door is the 'wrong' one ("dark ending"), or (4) the 'friend' fades and the man is left to choose to walk through the door but the picture ends as he touches the door knob ("undisclosed ending"). The last only works if you resolve the emotional conflict with the friend and his life issues.

Good writing!
 
It's a well crafted story of the guy making sense of his life which alternates between normal and hellish until he finds redemption and release.



It's a short, not a feature film. Even feature films nowadays seem to just repackage ideas--"A Team", "True Grit", "Smurfs" :weird:, etc. Don't worry too much about twists but focus on a convincing story.

I like the concept. If he's dying, slipping into a coma is the least of his worries. My suggestion would be to toss in a "friend". Make it unclear if the 'friend' is there to help or hinder finding the right door. Have him resolve the conflict with the friend as part of the escape. Now you have at least four choices after resolving the conflict: (1) the 'friend' shows him the right door and he lives ("happy ending"), (2) the 'friend' shows him the right door and he passes on ("somewhat happy"), (3) the 'friend' fades but the door is the 'wrong' one ("dark ending"), or (4) the 'friend' fades and the man is left to choose to walk through the door but the picture ends as he touches the door knob ("undisclosed ending"). The last only works if you resolve the emotional conflict with the friend and his life issues.

Good writing!

WOW Man excellent help! Now to choose one of those awesome endings you listed.
 
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