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Style of Screenwriting

T

TheJasperCo

Hi guys,

currently working through my first screenplay, and I just wanted your opinions on style, when it comes to writing stage directions and non-dialogue, action lines. Would you recommend powerful, descriptive, emotive language to engage the reader and draw them in to the story; or should I be short and sweet, to-the-point with whatever it is I want to say?

An example, describing a shootout between cops and a robber (cliched, but it's easy to follow. Also, forget character names):

Option 1) A ring of quasi-military police officers and a plethora of SWAT agents release a volley of shots towards the suspect. During the frenetic exchange of gunfire, several rounds strike his body.

The suspect reels backwards. His eyes bulge. He tries to yell out in pain, but the shock is overwhelming. The blood seeps onto his jumper, like a crimson tide.

Time appears to freeze for an instant.

Meanwhile, his accomplice flees to safety behind his trusty pick-up.

Option 2) The police surrounding the suspect begin to open fire. Bullets ricochet off walls and cars.

Some of the bullets hit the suspect, who staggers backwards in shock.

As the suspect collapses, his accomplice races to the stolen pick-up, and speeds away, leaving his pal for dead in the street.

If I put myself in the shoes of a producer (or an agent for that matter), I can see both ideas having merit. I want to believe in the story, I want it to come alive for me. But I can also see how having too much prose makes it seem almost like a novel, and if I have dozens of other scripts to read through, maybe it's better if the action phrases are kept simple i.e. just tell me what frigging happens so I can mentally imagine budgeting this film if I option it for production.

If any of this makes sense, I'd love to hear your thoughts, people :)
 
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Yes, your action makes sense and is good. Small errors all over but about your question I'd say that sometimes you want to speed up the action and sometimes you do the opposite. As you describe the scene with more details your audience sits more comfortable, depending of course what those details are. Your style can be to describe how the bullet penetrates the body and how much blood pulses out. These are choices you make, based upon how you want to entertain your audience.

So, let the style and the dynamic lead you.
 
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It depends on who you are writing for and this aspect of screenwriting really REALLY frustrates me.

If you are writing for a screenwriting contest feel free to add in all the useless but well written screen descriptions, action directions and other prose. It seems Nichols, Austin, etc. all have forgotten that these extra lines are completely ignored by directors and many producers. So the winners of those contests would probably have their screenplays thrown in the trash if they were sent as is to a producer.

I worked with a screenwriter who has sold his screenplays and in general it matches what other sold screenwriters recommend, keep screen direction to near zero and keep scene descriptions sparse. It's all dialogue and the story idea. Nothing extra, as few adjectives as possible in non-dialogue lines. All that extra fluff is the purview of the director.

If you are doing this for your own production, do whatever you want but I would recommend keeping it sparse so as to not influence your actors. Let them interpret you dialogue and characters first.

If you could do two versions of your screenplay, keep the prose because it's pretty easy to excise it later.
 
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If you're writing for yourself, then read scripts by writer/directors. Search for any Paul Thomas Anderson script. They're replete with camera direction and detail.

If you're writing for a contest or for a production house, I have no idea what needs to be done, and I understand the rules are different.
 
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My personal opinion; you could get away with combing the two, but leaning slightly more towards the second option.

If I were writing this, it may go something like:

Code: 
Police officers and SWAT surround the suspect. They opens fire. Bullets ricochet 
off walls, shatter the windows of cars. 

A round hits the suspect, followed by six or seven more. He reels backwards. Blood 
seeps into his jumper.

He hits the floor, dead.

The accomplice races to the pick-up, scrambles into the drivers seat and drives 
away.


Remember to only ever show what a viewer would be able to see. And try to steer clear of phrases such as "release a plethora of shots" as it's completely unnecessary, and, realistically, doesn't make a lot of sense anyway, irrespective of whether this is a screenplay or not!

Best of luck!
 
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Tips on general screenwriting style from pro screenwriters:

Keep Descriptions Brief and Tight
http://reelauthors.com/script-analysis-coverage/keep-descriptions-brief-and-tight.php

Characters Intros: how verbose should they be
http://reelauthors.com/script-analysis-coverage/character-intros.php

For how to write great action follow what the professional screenwriters do, you'll find examples here:

How to Write Great Action
http://reelauthors.com/script-analysis-coverage/how-to-write-great-action.php
 
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