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VEGAS ESTATE

R

RonderPradhan

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Nice tone in your action descriptions. Lose the character descriptions, on the nose dialogue and "INT. INSIDE APARTMENT". Then upload again, I'm guessing everyone here will say.
 
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Thank you for your comment. I want to thank you for your tone in responding about the screenplay. Some people can be harsh. This is my first time really posting to this board. I plan to familiarize myself with the group members and their stories as well.
I really would like to know what you thought of the story itself?
 
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Welcome to indietalk.

Your first slugline: what is “THE HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION”? Is it an
office? Is it a living room. Your locations should be a place. And then as
Filman noted why does your slugline read “INSIDE APARTMENT”? I'm sure
you're aware that INT means interior. Same with EXT. THE OUTSIDE OF
CONDO'S”. I know you know EXT means exterior or outside.

Also you use parentheticals for action. Put your action in the action line
and limit your use of parentheticals.

Is this unfair? Maybe. But when I am asked to give feedback on a screenplay
and it's not in the standard format I get distracted. It's as if I am asked to
comment on a short film and it's out of focus; but what about the story?

My advice is the same as Filman; fix your format. Easy to do. Then repost.
 
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Much easier to read. I'll give you my feedback as soon as I can.
In the meantime why don't you return the favor and read and
give feedback to some of the others writers here.
 
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Thank you. I have renamed the screenplay to THE STRIP and made some more changes. I really appreciate you taking the time out to comment and read.
Everything I hear. I will use constructively.
 
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