Short screenplay for anyone to read

Hello. Very nice work. The writing is clean and concise. Lots of action and a sustained sense of mystery.

On page ten:

They walk to the back.

Click to expand...

I think I'd like it better if you'd specify what they walk to the back of. Probaly just Slow Me, but I think that not having that specified precisely contributed to the little bit of confusion I experienced trying to understand what was happening in that montage.

I wonder if it wouldn't be helpful if we see Moreau remove his flak jacket...perhaps checking his chest to find it unharmed. Otherwise, we the audience might fail to connect the dots when we only see a black thing lying at his feet.

It took me a few minutes to wrap my brain around the last montage and to sort out what precisely was happening. But that's probably just me, being a fairly dense fellow.

16mm, aye? Sweet. Hope to see it!