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Old 01-04-2017, 06:14 PM   #16
directorik
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Quote:
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OK, what about this one? I didn't make it in script format yet,
This is a nice short story.

You've been posting here for 14 months. You have asked for format
help and gotten it several times. You have even done what no writer
here has done; had Steven Spielberg read your work and give you a
positive comment. I understand that your English skill will take more
than 14 months to perfect, but you still haven't shown us any script
in proper format. Learning format basics should take a few hours yet
here we are, 14 months after you first asked for and got help, showing
us filmmakers a script and a short story not in screenplay format.


Your next challenge;

Since you are asking filmmakers to make your script into a movie it's
time for you to step up to screenplay format. That format is how the
writer communicates with the filmmaker. You've looked at the link I
gave you so you now understand things like Scene Heading and Action.
Take both of these stories you have posted and put them in proper
screenplay format. Once again, don't worry about your lack of English
language skill, just show us that you are learning proper format.

Are you up to the challenge?
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Old 01-04-2017, 08:28 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by directorik View Post
This is a nice short story.

You've been posting here for 14 months. You have asked for format
help and gotten it several times. You have even done what no writer
here has done; had Steven Spielberg read your work and give you a
positive comment. I understand that your English skill will take more
than 14 months to perfect, but you still haven't shown us any script
in proper format. Learning format basics should take a few hours yet
here we are, 14 months after you first asked for and got help, showing
us filmmakers a script and a short story not in screenplay format.


Your next challenge;

Since you are asking filmmakers to make your script into a movie it's
time for you to step up to screenplay format. That format is how the
writer communicates with the filmmaker. You've looked at the link I
gave you so you now understand things like Scene Heading and Action.
Take both of these stories you have posted and put them in proper
screenplay format. Once again, don't worry about your lack of English
language skill, just show us that you are learning proper format.

Are you up to the challenge?
Thank you! I've never personally seen Steven Spielberg, I only knew a friend who knew him by sight. I didn't talk directly to him, so I think it could be a compliment. Although, I have another friend who is director (did one feature, but not short) and said the positive comment, too.
I recognized the friend of Mr Spielberg in 19 years old (9 years ago), and saw his photo with Mr Spielberg's mom. He is famous in Hollywood, although, I never knew him, nor even I've heard about Mr Spielberg before. I only heard name of Oliver Stone from state TV in Iran, and maybe one more...
I was not into movie like that. But then, learned his name. But the reality is long time I didn't talk to him, and it is probably so that they didn't see me good enough to write a film for them. Of course, it is a high expectation to want from a very famous director do a film with an unknown person.


About challenge, I know the script format lack is a problem here, so, I try to make what I want to give you in it, yes, I even get help from software from it, so, you can expect I do my select texts in script format and I will do it... Sure....



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Old 01-04-2017, 10:02 PM   #18
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Nor even I've heard about Mr Spielberg before. I only heard name of Oliver Stone from state TV in Iran
That's interesting! Oliver Stone is very political so maybe that's why.
I imagine that iran is not very sympathetic to Schindler's List.

I'm always curious about what aspects of film and culture make it to other countries.

Last edited by sfoster; 01-04-2017 at 10:26 PM.
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Old 01-05-2017, 03:48 AM   #19
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It is PDF, but text can be copied. Two pages and in screenplay format. Hope it is okay...


https://drive.google.com/open?id=0Bx...EZfdGVveTJvbms


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Old 01-05-2017, 03:54 AM   #20
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wake up scene

an empty room.

then you have someone talking. who is talking if the room was empty.
why is it called wake up scene. call it INT. BEDROOM maybe? or living room. what kind of room is it?

is someone supposed to be sleeping on the bare floor and then wake up?
then you need to say that.

all you've got is an empty room on the screen.
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Old 01-05-2017, 04:01 AM   #21
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wake up scene

an empty room.

then you have someone talking. who is talking if the room was empty.
why is it called wake up scene. call it INT. BEDROOM maybe? or living room. what kind of room is it?

is someone supposed to be sleeping on the bare floor and then wake up?
then you need to say that.

all you've got is an empty room on the screen.
When I say OLD WOMAN, it is voice of Jennifer (old woman) in BACKGROUND. No one is talking in the home, but her voice over is heard.
And room doesn't matter.
Yes, Jen is waken, it is evident from beginning of dialogue. I didn't bother to add.


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Old 01-05-2017, 04:07 AM   #22
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Jen is waken, it is evident from beginning of dialogue.
That's not how a screen play works.

When you start a new scene in a new location nothing is evident based upon the dialogue of a voice over.

You can say OLD WOMAN (V.O.) to describe her dialogue.
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Old 01-05-2017, 04:21 AM   #23
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This is updated version. Hope this one works..

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0Bx...EtFb0dwblM1TUU

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Old 01-05-2017, 06:52 AM   #24
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congratulations you have a script!
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Old 01-05-2017, 11:21 AM   #25
directorik
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobody View Post
It is PDF, but text can be copied. Two pages and in screenplay format. Hope it is okay...
You're getting there!

PHP Code:
INTKITCHEN – DAY

A white wooly dog eats cut up pieces of chicken from a plate
.

INTLIVING ROOM – DAY

An OLD WOMAN sits in an overstuffed chair

Then, as sfoster points out, you use V.O. Under the character name.

There is no Scene Heading “LEAVING HOME SCENE” and everything
you write down is what the director will shot; what the audience will
see. When you write “after a while they come back” what is on screen
during that time? The Old Woman and the dog leave the home and
you want the audience to look at an empty room until they come
back? How long until they come back?

This is a nice story, told by one character. What are we seeing as we
watch the movie? That's what you need to write in a screenplay.

Suddenly there is a character (John) who wasn't inside the home in
the first scene but speaks in the leaving home scene. Where does he
come from? When do we first see him? What is he doing?

A movie is visual. Write what we see on the screen, not just dialogue.
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Old 01-05-2017, 11:33 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by directorik View Post
You're getting there!

PHP Code:
INTKITCHEN – DAY

A white wooly dog eats cut up pieces of chicken from a plate
.

INTLIVING ROOM – DAY

An OLD WOMAN sits in an overstuffed chair

Then, as sfoster points out, you use V.O. Under the character name.

There is no Scene Heading “LEAVING HOME SCENE” and everything
you write down is what the director will shot; what the audience will
see. When you write “after a while they come back” what is on screen
during that time? The Old Woman and the dog leave the home and
you want the audience to look at an empty room until they come
back? How long until they come back?

This is a nice story, told by one character. What are we seeing as we
watch the movie? That's what you need to write in a screenplay.

Suddenly there is a character (John) who wasn't inside the home in
the first scene but speaks in the leaving home scene. Where does he
come from? When do we first see him? What is he doing?

A movie is visual. Write what we see on the screen, not just dialogue.
JOHN is husband of the old woman (Jen). He is probably in another room or is doing his own works. His first appearance is when they leave home.

No wait, just a second. In that day, AFTER COMING BACK (I did forget/miss it).
In fact, the camera is fixed on the door.


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Old 01-06-2017, 11:03 AM   #27
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should I post updated?
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Old 01-11-2017, 12:56 PM   #28
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He given up, anyone else interested?


Thanks!
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Old 01-11-2017, 01:28 PM   #29
directorik
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He given up, anyone else interested?
I didn't give up. I feel this story doesn't lend itself to a movie. It's a
woman sitting in a chair telling a story in voice over. for me a short
film needs to be more visual. I also choose not to shoot this specific
script because it was not presented in screenplay format. The format
is how writers and filmmakers communicate. It is not a trivial thing.
A short story may be a fine story but if it's not in screenplay format
then it's not a movie.

I will be glad to consider any screenplay you offer.
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Old 01-11-2017, 01:55 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by directorik View Post
I didn't give up. I feel this story doesn't lend itself to a movie. It's a
woman sitting in a chair telling a story in voice over. for me a short
film needs to be more visual. I also choose not to shoot this specific
script because it was not presented in screenplay format. The format
is how writers and filmmakers communicate. It is not a trivial thing.
A short story may be a fine story but if it's not in screenplay format
then it's not a movie.

I will be glad to consider any screenplay you offer.
I usually like wordy films, though know most make short non-talkative. I have the file in celtx format, can send you, but that's not what you like.
I try another script, but above tried to be short and cheap..


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