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Old 01-03-2017, 10:26 AM   #1
mpimentel
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 26
Post (feedback) New Drama Series - "Shift of Powers" (teaster) first 7 Pages.

At the suggestion of a friend I switched my feature screenplay to a series and changed the direction. Wanted to see how this sounds to you guys as a series and any other feedback you would be so kind as to share.

SHIFT OF POWERS
Watch the rise of Lonny Powers, a revolutionary fighter who decentralized the American government. Set in the near future, explore what life is like in a lawless New York City.


Code:
                   TEASER

INT. POLICE STATION - DAY
He's nervous, eying his surroundings as sweat pads his
face. F*ck.

You'd sooner peg this as the MOTOR VEHICLE waiting room on
an off day than a police station, not packed enough to
warrant the raise of an eyebrow.

Sleeves rolled up yet fighting every step, mid 40s LONNY
walks up to the bullet proof booth. In it sits a
disinterested RECEPTIONIST in her 20s. She wears a NEW YORK
CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT uniform.

The unsure man approaches.

                    LONNY
          Hey, hi. Um, Lonny Powers, I'm here
          to speak to Detective Zabala.
                   
                    RECEPTIONIST
               (bored)
          Is he expecting you?
                    
                     LONNY
          Well, no, but-- I'm Lo--

She passes a pad through the small window.   Just reaching in
there makes you feel like a criminal.
                    
                     RECEPTIONIST
          Fill this out.

... and there goes the pen.

This wasn't Lonny's plan, but he needs to play it cool.   He
grabs the pad and pen and sits in the waiting area.

Just a quick glance and you can tell Lonny's the odd man
out, this can't be his neighborhood, and he seems more
concerned with the clock on the wall, than the form on his
lap.

A heavy-set black woman (50s), sits a few seats from
Lonny. She's there with a teenage boy (14). Lonny, she's
staring at you.

                    BLACK WOMAN
          Um, excuse me.

Don't look.
                                                                         
                       BLACK WOMAN
          Sir.

Lonny looks her way.

                    BLACK WOMAN (CONT'D)
          You're that guy from the TEE-VEE,
          right?

Thick southern accent.

Lonny gives an uncomfortable nod.    If he could only
disappear.
                    BLACK WOMAN (CONT'D)
          I just want to say, I love the
          stand you're making... restores my
          faith in humanity--

Out of the corner of his eye, Lonny sees a HOODED MAN
walking in, he WINKS at Lonny, the sound dims.

The hooded man passes the reception area, and then... we
lose him.

The woman has not stopped talking to Lonny.

                    BLACK WOMAN (CONT'D)
          --It's rare to see that
          courage. You're good for white
          folk.

She's clearly not from there either, but this is not the
time for this.

                    LONNY
          Uh, thank you.
From the distance, an officer shouts:

                       YO! STOP!

The hooded man RUNS toward the outside!    Two cops set chase.
Must have been Lonny's cue. He stands up.     His speech
speeds as fast as the man running.

                    LONNY
          I'm sorry ma'am. I have to go.
After a few steps, he turns back towards the woman.
                                                             
                    LONNY (CONT'D)
          You should leave.

                       BLACK WOMAN
          Excuse me?

                    LONNY
          You and the kid-- Leave.

She looks confused. He holds up his backpack.       Green,
dirty. It's a JanSport.

                       LONNY (CONT'D)
          Now.

She heard him this time.

Lonny exhales.   Go.

He leisurely strolls past the receptionist, who is busy
paying attention to the commotion, passing the METAL
DETECTOR that the two officers must have been guarding.
His head down, trying to not attract attention, Lonny
walks. Unfortunately for our man, that only makes him stand
out, and people are looking.

                    OFFICER
          Can I help you?

Lonny's heart rate increases. DOOM DOOM, DOOM DOOM, DOOM
DOOM.

This is a make or break moment.      

This is just not gonna' do. Lonny... LONNY! He lifts up his head, and continues walking, it's MISTER POWERS.

                    LONNY
          Nope, I know where I'm going. Thank
          you officer.

TO STAIRWELLS

Briskly up the stairs, mister Powers reaches the second
floor.

SECOND FLOOR

He eyes rooms as he passes by the door, giving the
occasional nod when noticed.

He belongs here.
                                                                       
But, while his looks may be convincing, inside all he hears
is his heart beating. DOOM DOOM, DOOM DOOM, DOOM DOOM.

Until...

A low chatter. Grows louder, and louder. A crowd. He
looks to the left, it's the locker-room, and it's time to
switch shifts at the NYPD Precinct number 31. The
locker-room is FULL of OFFICERS.

LOCKER ROOM

Officers change in and out of their uniforms while
discussing the local gossip. Among them, two stand out,
name plates TENSING and PIMENTEL.

Tensing notices our stranger standing by the door. Staring
at them. Then someone else catches on. Then another
officer. You feel that tension?

                      TENSING
           Ey.   You lost?

Pimentel recognizes the face.

                     PIMENTEL
           We know that guy. Wait, it's
           coming to me...

The sound of a metal rolling, the tiles on the floor I've
away its speed. clink-clink-clink-clink... Thud.
It's at your feet officers, and it's a PIPE BOMB.

Tensing looks back up, Lonny is gone...

CUT TO BLACK.

BOOOOM!
                      END TEASER

                        ACT ONE
BOOM!   BOOM!

Over black:
          "The most common way people give up
          their power is by thinking they
          don't have any." -Alice Walker

FADE IN.
                                                           
EXT. BRONX, NEW YORK - NIGHT   
                         
    BOOM!   BOOM!
    Fire works spark the starry night.

    Melting snow covers the sidewalks, dirty piles abandoned by
    plows are part of the street decor.
    The city buildings wear festive attire and colorful lights
    adorn their windows.

    A couple of New York City cops patrol the streets on foot.
    This is winter in New York, 'tis the season in the city.
    LEGEND: "SIX MONTHS EARLIER."

INT. BARON FAMILY'S APARTMENT - SAME     
                     
    Drake's "hotline bling " song plays.
    The few lights on the Christmas tree blink in a shifting
    pattern.

    Sitting on the couch, a dark-skinned man moves the toddler
    on his laps side to side to the beat. The man is tall,
    thin, clean cut and casually dressed. His smile could light
    up any room.

    He hums along.

    This is ANTOINE BARON (35), and on his lap is his baby boy,
    VICTOR TIMOTHY BARON (2).

                         ANTOINE
                    (singing)
               I know when the hot-line bling, doo
               doo doo. That can only mean one
               thing...

    The baby smiles and giggles as the proud Father sings.
    Sitting on the couch perpendicular to Antoine, a white man
    observes, also smiling. You may remember him as Lonny
    Powers. The sleeves of his budget button-up shirt rolled up
    as always. A gleam in his eye, enjoying the show.

                         LONNY
               I can't believe you call this
               music.                                                 

                        ANTOINE
              You old as f*ck Lonny, you just
              ain't up on this.

                        LONNY
                   (laughing)
              I don't wanna be, "Up on
              this." The hell is a "hot-line
              bling?"

    Antoine sits the baby on his lap.

                        ANTOINE
              See, that's the problem right there
              man. My sister got you ON LOCK!

                        LONNY
                   (sarcastically)
              Yeah, O-KAY!

                        ANTOINE
              You can't know what a hot-line
              bling is. You ain't got no
              hot-line.

    Lonny shakes his head, an uncomfortable grin on his face.

INT. "TURNER & TURNER LAW FIRM" - NY - SAME  
                 
    It's a beautiful office building with a prestigious feel to
    it. "TURNER & TURNER LAW FIRM" is displayed prominently
    behind the receptionist desk.

    The receptionist is on the phone. She is a beautiful black
    woman dressed in a dark blue suit, a gold pin on her
    chest. Her name is KARINA (32).

    BARRY TURNER (60), a balding white man uses the receptionist
    desk as his arm rest while he stares at Karina. His suit is
    sharp, expensively sharp.

    She hangs up the phone.

                        BARRY
              What are you STILL doing here?

                        KARINA
              Doing your job.

                         BARRY
              GO HOME!   HOME!   HOLIDAYS!

Karina smiles as she neatens up the desk.                                                      

                          BARRY (CONT'D)
              BEAT IT!

    She gets up and lovingly stares at him.
    Barry hits his best MOONWALK dance steps.

                        BARRY
                   (singing)
              Beat it! Beat it!      Beat it!    Bea--

                          KARINA
              Alright!    Alright!   I'm gone!

    Barry walks away laughing.

                        BARRY (O.S.)
              Send my regards to Antoine
              Karina!

                        KARINA
                   (projecting)
              Will do. Merry Christmas!

                        BARRY (O.S.)
              I'm Jewish!

                        KARINA
              You are NOT! That's so racist
              Barry!

    Smiling, she grabs her things.

INT. BARON FAMILY'S APARTMENT - SAME                      

    Lonny takes a drink, annoyed by Antoine.

                        ANTOINE
              --I know she check your phone. She
              castrated you bruh'. See this?

    Points at his baby.

                        ANTOINE (CONT'D)
              You can't have these no more.   Your
              nuts too shriveled.

                          LONNY
              Riiight.

                        ANTOINE
              Nah, that's why you can't get my
              sis' pregnant. That In Vitro sh*t.  
              ain't never gon' work.     You ain't
              got no nuts.

That joke bothered Lonny, and you can see it in his face.

                    ANTOINE (CONT'D)
          Oh I know! She told me so I
          googled it. Said right there, "For
          in vitro fertilization to work, the
          nigga must have nuts."

Lonny half cracks a smile.

                    ANTOINE (CONT'D)
          Gimme your phone man.

                     LONNY
          Come on.

                    ANTOINE
          I'm serious.

He puts his hand out.

                     ANTOINE (CONT'D)
          Give it.   Come on.  Hurry, quick!

A hesitant Lonny takes his cell phone out, and hands it to
Antoine.

Antoine takes a quick look at the phone.

                    ANTOINE (CONT'D)
          Gimme the password fool.

                    LONNY
               (chuckling)
          zero-three-one-fo--    This is
          stupid.

The look on Antoine's face is priceless.   Lonny
knows what's coming.

                    ANTOINE
          You got...  my sister's birthday
          as-- Oh hell no. You far
          gone.  FAAAR gone bruh.
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