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Old 06-07-2017, 10:51 AM   #1
nobody
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UK INDIA FILM

How do you compare this script to Hollywood ones?



https://drive.google.com/open?id=0Bx...WlVM2pMM3ZueVU


I wanted to make it into a film in India, but found no sponsor, so, didn't continue...

Plz rate it.....


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Old 06-07-2017, 05:18 PM   #2
nobody
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Can you get what I meant? It is not like Indian films, but more like a different big budget film..



George aka GG is an ordinary British man who works as an accountant in an international firm in India and UK. He travels with his family between two countries. GG has a white freckly daughter who is smart enough to remember the story and tell us later. She helps her parents with her unbelievable skills.
While job of GG is not easy to do, he devotes himself to it without problem. His every day is work, work, and work. Of course, it doesn’t hurt his family; they know he does it for goodness of all of them.
Benjamin is a black young ambitious tailor who works in his office in central Delhi. He has plans for his future. Success in job for him means making fashionable new cloths that people dare to pay a lot to buy.
But how Benjamin gets to know GG? One day Benjamin was working in his office and was tired that incidentally got to see a shrunk man on top of his working table. It was a moment to fear. How did he accept the reality? He didn’t, at beginning, he was totally lost. He just fainted for seeing him and after it he was escaping from the shrunk GG. Whether GG was hidden in a coat or he found a way to settle there, Benjamin had to believe he now relates to a story nobody will believe. Maybe it was easier to believe it is a dream than believing not, but why didn’t it get to an end?
Benjamin soon understands that GG was one of his customers who recently gave him a fabric to sew. But Benjamin doesn’t have a good memory, unlike GG’s daughter, Angelica, who is very good memory.
Angelica finds that her mom is very upset and she should do something. Father didn’t come back. Her family calls police, but police did not do anything after about two weeks. She knows her father is not without enemies. The evil people who are in battle with a good accountant are nothing unusual in corrupted old timer India. Mr Shrimp and his dirty subordinate fellows do whatever to keep their wrong jobs secret to others. After two weeks police looked everywhere and inspected every suspect. She knew those evil men did it, but didn’t know how they persuaded police that they didn’t kidnap him, nor know where he is. Maybe it was true, and she was looking in a wrong place. She told herself “Daddy is probably not kidnapped, she is probably lost”. But was it possible? She finds no response; she calls a friend of dad and wants him to want the police search for him again. She knows that there are some people who hate daddy, because he does his job righteously. The father’s friend soon understands that her daddy is shrunk, but can’t tell her. He says something happened that now your father is lost. After requesting more, he tells your daddy is shrunk and can be everywhere.
Angelica likes her father a lot. She does know the police is incapable and can’t do anything. So, she and another teen friend Arjun go to where she thinks daddy went that day. That’s the place she thinks they will find her father. She wants him to go along with him before anyone understands it. They get to there, the office of Benjamin Tailor, but he doesn’t trust them and doesn’t tell the reality. His emphases on not allowing them to look for their lost watch makes them think the father is surely in there and he knows it.
They wait for him to leave office, but he doesn’t until mid-night, when there is really dark and they fear in loneliness.
He comes and then opens the door, her father didn’t like them to see him in that condition, because didn’t know what happens when she sees him so, but seeing very dark night becomes a reason they accepted it.
The next day morning, they begin to think what to do. While none of them except Arjun are India’s native, Benjamin says that he has a good friend who is well aware of tradition of India; he may know how they should act.
They call him, and he has to come from another city. But since it is emergency, he promises to arrive soon. In his way to that city, he encounters some robbers, but it passes luckily.
Meanwhile, they ate some mango and the remaining of it with some half and some unused exist. One mouse is there and will escape. Benjamin turns on a light and gets a glass of water and while walking talks about last week’s attempt to buy an American cigarettes and that could not buy him happiness, because there were total 20 mice in the street he counted them. Or maybe 19 or 18. He says that the point is that nobody can count the mice in the city, even if one has a good math skill. “Not me, not you, that’s shit”: he says.
Then Angelica after a while says she has to go to toilet and then goes quickly. Suddenly, the weather changes dramatically and it will be rainy after wind and being cloudy when she is not there. And they get ready for new weather.
One knocks the door, GG hides, and Benjamin goes to doorstep and sees from hole that it is his friend who is wet with three chickens with hen (the mother) and a little duck there. Then, Benjamin says he knows that he is a pro-animals-right that follows the mother for the chickens kilometers, and hardly he won’t find it. Can you tell my little friends … who is this? Who? Me? No… no, this duck? She was alone, so…. Does it matter to you? Benjamin answers Not really, of course, your animal friends have no place inside, they should pass the night out.
Benjamin says that we have a special case here, and that I didn’t want to say suddenly, but we have a friend here, of course now he is shrunk. We expect you to help him come back to his own size.
He says he doesn’t get surprised, because when you call him, it should be a special case. But they called the wrong person, because he knows little about it. For finding someone who can really help, they should go to the south, or they have to own lots of money to make one of them come here. Of course, in both cases, that happens hardly, they fear to continue their works after Great Britain’s govt in India forbad their working.
He says there is another way, too, that could be better. We wait for a few weeks until one of them are seen in the city; they usually come for visiting the old temple.
They accept and he says deliver it to him and he will take care of that. It is not true to kill their trusts.
He then changes cloths of himself & goes.
Then camera comes down & shows one underground room in whose water dropping. In there, there are a lot of documents, stuffs, bed & it is evident it is empty now temporary. One cigarette is still lit.
The Benjamin’s friend left and they are without him in the room. But suddenly, one rings/knocks. Benjamin goes to see from door’s hole, and sees it is his friend comes back. It is him and maybe forgot something. But when Benjamin’s friend opens the door, it is a Chinese baby, and Benjamin what is this? He says doesn’t know, he did nothing wrong, just read. It is written “We have to, Mommy and Daddy”. While they are thinking what to do for this new problem, one man is shown who has a rope in his hand and they close a man around fire and they beat him to confess if that lost money is all others understood or there are more things leaked; and if he knows place of those documents or not. Two boys are shown later who secretly see the scene and regret.
Then Britain’s princess behind a horse in a cart comes to the scene. Tells something shortly and then goes. One receives the message and sends to the appropriate person ie Mr Shrimp.
After two weeks, the news comes that the friend of Benjamin who wanted to help is killed. Now, they have to go to the rural region in southern India, it is a hard travel, they give the Chinese child to police and travel through a long way to there and find out that they don’t accept to see non-Indian people. They had a female translator who was their tour-leader, and she accepts to pay for it some money to them and get the secret solution. She brings the answer, and says they said they can provide them with it if they pay more money. They get happy, but the one decides to escape, they understand and catch him and he gives them the drug (tears of female crocodile). He says can no longer live there, because those who did it to him will come to look for the one who gave them drug. He goes.
Then the battle between those enemies with GG and friends starts.
It is season of rain. Some from Britain come and GG will be chosen as the responsible for finding the corruption clues. Indian Police arrests the subordinate follows who were Indian. The British Police arrests Mr Shrimp. The news about partnership of a princess gets cracked down, but that will remain as a dirty point for royal family. 60 years pass and Angelica tells the story to her grandchildren in India.




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Old 06-09-2017, 09:21 AM   #3
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I thought this project film is not that unimpressive that gather no love......
No one has an feedback?


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Old 06-17-2017, 10:31 PM   #4
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A problem exists? I expected more than my own responses..


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Old 06-17-2017, 11:53 PM   #5
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Please have some patience. It's the weekend & you're not paying us to read it, are you?
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Old 06-18-2017, 05:15 AM   #6
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Quote:
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A problem exists? I expected more than my own responses..


Thanks!
You gave up at page 8.
Nobody will sponsor an 8 page start of a big budget screenplay from an unknown writer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nobody View Post
How do you compare this script to Hollywood ones?

I wanted to make it into a film in India, but found no sponsor, so, didn't continue...
Hollywood ones are usually completed.
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Old 06-18-2017, 05:45 AM   #7
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You gave up at page 8.

That's a frustrating answer for me. I think at least, one could hire me to write that. A finished project needs no sponsor for "writing" at least..



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Old 06-18-2017, 09:18 AM   #8
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You think you are entitled to get paid for writing a script, but do you have anyscripts that are complete and realised?
Because that is what people want to see before paying anyone.

Besides that, geography is a thing here as well: not only do you expect to be paid, you want to make movies outside of your own country.

It is frustrating but it is true: nobody throws money at unknown writers.
If you want financial suppoprt you'll have to look closer to home. Maybe there are funds in Iran for scriptwriters (but they could require you to have some finished work first). Maybe friends or family wants to support you.

But besides that every investor wants to have an idea of your quality.
You giving up at page 8 does not show quality. It shows people can lose their money, because you give up.

You sound like you want a record deal without having written 1 complete song.
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Old 06-18-2017, 09:41 AM   #9
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When you were trying to get a sponsor, how many people did you show it to?
And did they tell you why they didn't like it?
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Old 06-18-2017, 01:03 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by buscando View Post
When you were trying to get a sponsor, how many people did you show it to?
And did they tell you why they didn't like it?
No one yet....


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Old 06-18-2017, 01:55 PM   #11
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No one yet....


Thanks!
2 Questions, 1 answer.
Did you show it to no one?
Or did no one say why they didn't like it?
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Old 06-18-2017, 07:28 PM   #12
nobody
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2 Questions, 1 answer.
Did you show it to no one?
Or did no one say why they didn't like it?
No one saw personally yet..


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Old 06-18-2017, 08:38 PM   #13
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How do you compare this script to Hollywood ones?
Your format is getting better! You have a long way to go. Keep at it.

Quote:
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That's a frustrating answer for me. I think at least, one could hire me to write that. A finished project needs no sponsor for "writing" at least..
This is another “round-and-round”. You keep posting parts of a script
or just a story and hope that a producer or director will pay you to
write the rest. We tell you that no one will sponsor you to write the
script and you say it is frustrating to you because you really want
someone to pay you to write it. This happens over and over.

In another few weeks you will return with part of another script or a
story and ask the same question. The answer will not change.

You need to learn proper format and write the entire script. All of it.
Your english writing skills need a lot of work. I (and others) have
suggested you write in your native language but you have reasons
you don't want to do that. And now you say you have found no sponsor,
but that you haven't shown it to anyone. You cannot find a sponsor if
you do not show it to people who have the money to pay you. Another
circle; round-and-round.
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Old 06-18-2017, 10:53 PM   #14
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Thanks for trying to clarify WalterB, I didn't have the energy.
And thanks for the added info directorik.
It feels like nobody (the poster) is not understanding because of the language difference, or maybe it's something else I can't figure out.
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Old 06-18-2017, 11:03 PM   #15
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I hope more people watch it online..... I mean it is not wanting the same response from the same people. I agree about the language....


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